The Michael Phelps of the sperm world

"I repeat, a tampon cannot become lost in your body. The vagina is a closed canal. It’s not a black hole into which your tampon vanishes. It’s also not like your clothes dryer where your socks disappear, never to be seen again. A vagina is like a dead-end street, once you hit the end of the street, there’s no where else to go. So when you’re cruising down Vagina Street and you hit the cervix, that’s it, that’s the end of the road. Nothing is getting past that cervix…well, nothing except for your husband’s/boyfriend’s/one night stand’s little swimmers but only if that little sperm is an elite swimmer, the Michael Phelps of the sperm world. But there is no way for a tampon to travel beyond the cervix. The idea that a tampon could leave the vagina and become lost within the human body is absurd. It’s ridiculous. It’s positively preposterous. A tampon cannot be lost."
(Oct. 30, 2009, Loripalooza)

The Odin of free software

"For me YOU are saving the world since you are so personally committed to free software. I know RS (yes the church of emacs) as well. He is the Odin of free software. Linus was pushed by Tanenbaum into his success story. Debian and all the authors willing to share their work do such a great job. They shall get all the credits for their work! But you bring all the best of free software to the common world which would not know that there are alternatives."
(April 30, 2008, Mark Shuttleworth)

The Dexter of idiots

"I’m sort of like the 'Dexter' of idiots, in that I criticize stupid people not because I’m better than them, but because I’m one myself. All I’ve got going for me is that I’ve come to learn over the years that if I want to do something, there’s a good chance it’s stupid, so I should probably think for awhile before I do it."
(July 30, 2008, Bike Snob NYC)

The Rachel Maddow of the Mets

"Who is the Rachel Maddow of the Mets? Sarah Palin"
(Sept. 10, 2009, Pseudo-intellectualism)

The Dolly Parton of man boobs

"BTW I think you are forgetting about the Dolly Parton of man boobs, John Daly. Again, similar to the others mentioned, awesome talent, but just never got his body in the right shape."
(March 16, 2007, John Richardson, Scratch to Scracth)

The Joan Collins of interplanetary conflict

"She's the Joan Collins of interplanetary conflict. The filthy girl we all wanted to kiss behind the bike (or spaceship) shed."
(Feb. 9, 2008, Fustar)

The Sarah Palin of religion

"Billy Graham was the Sarah Palin of religion."
(Nov. 27, 2009, Chris Dashiell, Twitter)