Thursday, December 31, 2009

The Kenny of Star Trek

"How many times did Tasha Yar actually die? I remember as a kid freaking out when I saw an episode where she died. And then later down the line saw her die an entirely different way in a different episode. She's like the Kenny of Star Trek."
(July 8, 2009, Topless Robot)

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

The Richard Nixon of lycanthropic storytelling

"Decorum prevents me from describing what good werewolf sex is or should be, but I will say that Hawke’s cover doesn’t feature or imply ANY fur-pulling, shoulder-biting, or hot fang-locked kissing while snarling and barking. This omission makes “Kiss of the Wolf” the Richard Nixon of lycanthropic storytelling: a treasonous FAIL!"
(July 17, 2009, Werewolf News)

Sunday, December 27, 2009

The Merlin of merkins

"Re: the lyrics. Thank you to everyone who took a minute to help me figure this out. I took my main inspiration from Satchel Page's commentary (see post again) and from input I got from Jesse Andrews of the Young Dads. Jesse made the point that prior to the current trope of pimping-as-a-glamour-profession that we know today, pimping was considered a very low way to make one's living. He suggested that I use the phrase 'the Merlin of merkins' (wiki: merkin) and re-contextualize pimps as the whiny scumbags that they were once thought to be. I also borrowed from Satchel Page's idea that the pimp-narrative is a form of escapism, although I don't think I was quite able to reach his level of incisiveness. It seems to hold true: one wonders how often rap pimps get into heavy shit. Not heavy shit like everyday living or even violent encounters; heavy shit like getting to the bottom of life, or addressing the institutionalized violence and oppression that creates space for such a profession."
(June 3, 2009, Father Abraham)

Saturday, December 26, 2009

The Emily Dickinson of coffee

"Think about it. There has never existed another human being who is better at selling coffee than Mr. Schultz.

He is the Einstein of coffee.

The Michelangelo of coffee.

The Meryl Streep of coffee.

The Emily Dickinson of coffee.

The Oprah of coffee.

The Michael Jordan and/or Larry Bird of coffee.

At the risk of being labelled a lefty who hates capitalism (as opposed to someone who hates terrible coffee), Howard Schulz is the Ray Kroc of java."

(Nov. 10, 2009, Can't Stop the Bleeding)

Thursday, December 24, 2009

The Bozo the clown of the CIA

"Was I wrong, Leon Panetta really isn't the BOZO the Clown of the CIA?"
(July 31, 2009, News Music Now)

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

The Cosmo Kramer of Lost

"(Incidentally, I’m sure we’re all glad to see that the Smoke Monster is alive and well, even if it’s only in the past. I like to think of ol’ Smoke Monster as the Cosmo Kramer of 'Lost'—it’s wacky and ridiculous and has the best entrances...good to have it back!)"
(Feb. 12, 2009,

Sunday, December 20, 2009

The Shakira of bowling

"I don't remember having a better time than that in months. From watching Irene and her original approach to bowling (you'd think she was throwing rocks) to the bowling clinic that Alan put especially for us (four strikes and three spares just to get started? Get outta here!), to Lynn's outrageously funny dances (she's the Shakira of bowling) or Butch's Chippendale-like celebrations (ouch, my eyes!), it was really an unforgettable evening."
(June 3, 2008, Live from Waterloo)

Saturday, December 19, 2009

The Oprah of American sex

"When Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew aired, I wondered why Dr. Drew was venturing into the realm of substance abuse instead of sticking with what made him famous: dispensing sex and love advice on his call-in show, Love Lines. This month, Dr. Drew reclaims his throne as the Oprah of American sex with the new reality show, Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew. And by reality, I mean the show features celebrities — though I use the term 'celebrity' very loosely."
(Nov. 9, 2009, Shawn Alff, The Daily Loaf)

Thursday, December 17, 2009

The Jim Jones of parenting

"My method is the often-criticized but underutilized tactic of brainwashing. I have mastered it so well, I would be fine with one calling me the Jim Jones of parenting."
(Jan. 28, 2009, Coachdad)

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

The Heidi Klum of the rabbit world

"In the C show Friday night there was a large turnout, as some youth breeders had entered in open. Dice won BOV Black. Storm took BOV Blue and KS19 was BOV Steel. BOS was TK, a black buck owned by Trevor, a youth breeder from Texas and entered by his mom Laura. He’s done very well with him (2 BIS wins!) but is cutting his herd back. I couldn’t pass him up, so I bought him that night. And Dice again proved she’s the Heidi Klum of the rabbit world as she won Best of Breed!"
(June 23, 2009, Dutch by Briony)

Sunday, December 13, 2009

The Olsen twins of socks

"The Olsen twins of socks..."
(July 20, 2009, Sil's Fab Knitblog)

Saturday, December 12, 2009

The Bill and Hillary of my wardrobe

"Okay, so, I decided that I needed to buy a black leather mini skirt. It couldn’t just be a regular old black skirt, as I already have one of those and I can’t afford to be doubling up on wardrobe pieces at this stage of my life. So, I decided that black leather it was to be. And not slutty biker black leather, nothing you’d see in Coyote Ugly or could imagine Paris Hilton wearing. Rather, something vintage, high waisted, the skirt equivalent of Michael Crowe’s literary sock, ‘a sock you can really read something in.’ It would go with EVERYTHING! I could just imagine it. Tucking my grey wife beater into it. Pairing it with my black riding boots and Chloe Paddington. The coupling of my future skirt and grey woolly tights would be the Bill and Hillary of my wardrobe, the power couple. My skirt and I were going to do great things, write great books, travel to great places, see great sights. I may have put unnecessary pressure on the poor skirt."
(Oct. 13, 2009, Love, Little Miss Where Am I?)

Friday, December 11, 2009

The Dr. Zoidberg of the Justice League

"It is generally agreed that J'onn J'onzz is the Dr. Zoidberg of the Justice League. Don't believe me? Just check out the Martian Manhunter at a buffet."
(June 22, 2004,

Thursday, December 10, 2009

The Bill Simmons of electoral projections

"He built an interesting website, give the man his credit. This has gone way too far, though. Much like Jack Donaghy, I think it’s hard to call the man a genius based on this work (Burrito Bracket, however, is another matter altogether). But that’s exactly what’s going on. Everybody treats his website like it’s gospel, or the latest dailysalad post, as though he can do no wrong. Really, he’s the Bill Simmons of electoral projections. Yeah, he’s still cool, but the hype is just too much. And it’s just getting worse. The other day, he projected the Minnesota recount down to the individual vote (Franken by 27). Recently he signed a lucrative two book deal. He was named one of the sexiest men of the year. Just last week Rachel Maddow claimed that Silver was the best prognosticator ever, that he exactly nailed the election results, and that everyone in America should buy him a beer (all 300 million of us). But really? This should be a pretty easy claim to verify."
(Dec. 2, 2008, Yesterday's Salad)

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

The Wilt Chamberlain of obstacle courses and Nerf guns

"I have said before on this here rag that no other athlete has dominated his sport more than Michael Phelps, with only Tiger Woods and Roger Federer coming close. Well, I forgot about Two Scoops. Two Scoops, named for the inclusion of Kellogs Raisin Bran in his diet, came into gladiator stadium and basically leveled it to the ground. It wasn't too often that a competitor bested one of the gladiators, especially in games like 'Break Through and Concur' or 'Joust.' When they did it seemed almost lucky. But Two Scoops would march right up to those meat-heads and throw them out of the ring (or off the pedestal or whatever the case may be). He owned the Gladiators. He was faster, stronger, more agile, and he could jump over a car (seriously). He was like the Wilt Chamberlain of obstacle courses and Nerf guns. He broke just about every record on the show (although his eliminator record is marked with controversy because he was first down the zip-line but took the inside track). On top of all this, he preached staying in school, not doing drugs, and giving anywhere from 120% to 1000%. Two Scoops, I salute you. It's too bad you're in jail now."
(Aug. 24, 2007, Danny's Blog)

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

The Tiger Woods of cheating on his wife

"Tiger Woods is the Tiger Woods of cheating on his wife."
(Dec. 7, 2009, Jason Kottke, Twitter,

The Hitler of movie discussions

"I'm throwing down a new rule. The Phantom Menace is the Hitler of movie discussions. Any comparisons to the Phantom Menace are terrible, and only hurt your argument. I call it Qui-Gon's law."
(Nov. 3, 2009, Gamers with Jobs)

Monday, December 7, 2009

The Prince Charles of extremities

"I've experienced some bad weather in my time and London doesn't really cut it on the world scene. Which leads me to believe that people complain about the weather in London purely because they are in England. And in England, complaining about somethign rivals football and queueing as the national sport. What I will say about the weather here in London is that it's generally more bland than anything else. Not bitter enough to be harsh and never beautiful enough to be delightful - it's the vanilla ice cream of weather, the Prince Charles of extremities. Exceptional in the fact that it is so boring."
(Jan. 24, 2007, Lachlan Yates)

Sunday, December 6, 2009

The Babe Ruth of body language experts

"Initially, we would like to say that we succeeded in doing so. One commenter at a time, we slowly built up this blog and even garnered some legitimate recognition across the web-o-sphere. We received a plug for the blog on air with Chris Russo. We got an exclusive interview with Neil Best when rumors of the break-up dominated talk. We had Mike and Chris breakdown Wilt's 100 point point game and last year's American Idol Finale. We had the Babe Ruth of body language experts analyze one of Mike and Chris' heated arguments over the bathrooms at the old Yankee Stadium. We turned to our good friend Colonel Nathan Jessep from time to time to make sense of the Mike and the Mad Dog landscape. There was the infamous and the Bucket List. We persevered through the end of the Mike and the Mad Dog era. We suffered with everyone through the start-up of the Mike'd Up era. We're still not sure what the new bells and whistles are, or whom the talent is. We tried our best to follow Doggie on a National level. As boring and bitter as Mike Francesa has been post break-up, Dog has been every bit as irrelevant, often trying too hard to cover too many events."
(Sept. 9, 2009, Mike and the Mad Blog)

Saturday, December 5, 2009

The Curious George of dental blogs

"While I realize my intents for this blog have greatly evolved, I still do have that initial desire to help future students. With this in mind, I would like to point my more serious readers in the direction of Created by Ben, a D1 at Temple, this site offers a plethora (did he just plethora?) of great information for pre-dents and dental students alike. Not only is the information great, but IT HAS PICTURES!!! If I learned anything in kindergarten, it is that pictures make reading so much better – especially pertaining to a lot of the pre-clinical stuff we all will be having fun with. Becuase of the great visuals, I deem it the curious george of dental blogs. Keep on shinning man with the yellow hat, keep on shinning."
(March 31, 2007, There and Back Again...)

Friday, December 4, 2009

The Smurfette of standardized testing

"raybobdotcom: tests are gay
raybobdotcom: the end
SmileyJess13: i was unaware thats tests possess sexuality
SmileyJess13: did i seriously just say that?
raybobdotcom: yup
raybobdotcom: and they're male
raybobdotcom: and they love other male tests
raybobdotcom: you did say that
raybobdotcom: i loved it
SmileyJess13: well if they are all male
raybobdotcom: i wanna marry it
SmileyJess13: theyd have to be gay
SmileyJess13: hrmmm its a mystery lol
SmileyJess13: ((and so's mankind))
raybobdotcom: no i've worked it all out
raybobdotcom: its like the smurfs
raybobdotcom: where they're all boys except for smurfette
raybobdotcom: we'll say that ... ctbs is the smurfette of standardized testing
raybobdotcom: just because no one cares about that one"
(Oct. 21, 2003, smileyjess)

Thursday, December 3, 2009

The Michael Phelps of the sperm world

"I repeat, a tampon cannot become lost in your body. The vagina is a closed canal. It’s not a black hole into which your tampon vanishes. It’s also not like your clothes dryer where your socks disappear, never to be seen again. A vagina is like a dead-end street, once you hit the end of the street, there’s no where else to go. So when you’re cruising down Vagina Street and you hit the cervix, that’s it, that’s the end of the road. Nothing is getting past that cervix…well, nothing except for your husband’s/boyfriend’s/one night stand’s little swimmers but only if that little sperm is an elite swimmer, the Michael Phelps of the sperm world. But there is no way for a tampon to travel beyond the cervix. The idea that a tampon could leave the vagina and become lost within the human body is absurd. It’s ridiculous. It’s positively preposterous. A tampon cannot be lost."
(Oct. 30, 2009, Loripalooza)

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

The Odin of free software

"For me YOU are saving the world since you are so personally committed to free software. I know RS (yes the church of emacs) as well. He is the Odin of free software. Linus was pushed by Tanenbaum into his success story. Debian and all the authors willing to share their work do such a great job. They shall get all the credits for their work! But you bring all the best of free software to the common world which would not know that there are alternatives."
(April 30, 2008, Mark Shuttleworth)

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

The Dexter of idiots

"I’m sort of like the 'Dexter' of idiots, in that I criticize stupid people not because I’m better than them, but because I’m one myself. All I’ve got going for me is that I’ve come to learn over the years that if I want to do something, there’s a good chance it’s stupid, so I should probably think for awhile before I do it."
(July 30, 2008, Bike Snob NYC)