Monday, May 31, 2010

The Robert Downey Jr. of cookies

"The Robert Downey Jr. of Cookies"
(June 23, 2008, Frank Almeida, Sugar & Spice)

Friday, May 28, 2010

The Wonder Twins of utter stupidity

"Bachmann and Palin are the Wonder Twins of utter stupidity."
(April 24, 2010, Science Blogs)

Thursday, May 27, 2010

The Jack Palance of raccoons

"Back to the raccoons. 'I haven't seen any. Why?' I respond to the contractor. He laughs. 'Because, I saw a lot of turds up there.' So after he leaves I go upstairs, open the skylight in the bathroom, and peek out on the roof. Holy crap. We must have the Jack Palance of raccoons eating all his roughage on our roof. It looks like the yard of that annoying neighbor who never cleans up after his dog. And not just any dog. A Newfoundland."
(April 20, 2008, Scott Pearson, Livejournal)

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

The John Cage of kitties

"Mr. Nemo, the Tuxedo Tomcat, the Midnight Rambler, the John Cage of Kitties--often serenades us with impromptu concerts as he strolls across the keyboard of the piano. Sometimes, he just wants you to know that he's around, and jumps up in the bass keys, for a booming Augmented 7th, or if he's in a pensive mood, he'll just thrill with a trill of an allegro arpegio in the high tones. The cat has style, and while he does get moody (he recently went into rehab for a compulsive grooming syndrome, which he overcame)--now, he's found his musical voice again, and he's back to please his fans."
(Dec. 1, 2008, Flickr)

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

The Borat of atheism

"Anyway. Dawkins is the Borat of atheism – it’s all about getting other people to make fools of themselves, and risking death and dismemberment in the process."
(Sept. 21, 2008, Scintillator)

Monday, May 24, 2010

The Andre the Giant of household herbs

"My basil, which started out in a small pot in my kitchen before being transferred to first one planting bed and then eventually moved to a different one to make more space for other plants, is like the Andre the Giant of household herbs. It’s enormous. It has taken over my small, understated garden. These are no longer simple basil plants. These are basil trees."
(Oct. 2, 2009, Patterson Park Life)

Saturday, May 22, 2010

The Bobby Fischer of asymmetrical digital subscriber lines

"Who can resolve her own internet connectivity ticket? This bitch! I'm basically the Bobby Fischer of asymmetrical digital subscriber lines."
(March 21, 2010,
Michelle Wood, Twitter)

Friday, May 21, 2010

The Michael Phelps of public restroom pissing

"A tidy stream flowed up and away (far away) from me out the end of the cone while I just stood there holding it like a dude holds his joint. I marveled at how I and everything else in the bathroom stayed dry, and then simply tossed the cone in the trash (not trusting the toilet's ability to handle it). I smiled, wondering if someone would see the cone and be befuddled at its purpose. This was a personal best for me in terms of speed. I was the Michael Phelps of public restroom pissing."
(March 11, 2010, Michelle Rabil, Salon)

Thursday, May 20, 2010

The Dwight Howard of grammar

"She’s like the Dwight Howard of grammar – you think your path to the rim is clear and no one’s seen you sneak by, then… SWAT! into the stands."
(Feb. 9, 2010, Sactown Royalty)

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

The Clint Eastwood of shoe-throwers

"After some pre-show footage shows Eddie and his entourage preparing for their show, the concert begins with a musical number before Murphy walks out onto the stage in a red leather two piece suit. He wastes no time poking fun at homosexuals and doing some pretty off the wall impersonations of what it would be like it Mr. T and the Honeymooners were too 'pitch for the other team.' From there he moves on to some fantastic impersonations of James Brown, Elvis Presley, and Stevie Wonder before discussing the joys of bathing with your brother, a G.I. Joe toy and a big brown shark. Murphy talks about what it's like to be a poor kid and to not have any ice cream when the ice cream truck rolls around, what it was like growing up with the Clint Eastwood of shoe-throwers for a mother and the joys of playing the fart game, a tradition passed on from one generation of men to the next."
(May 31, 2009, Ian Jane, DVD Talk)

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

The Hugh Hefner of vegan food photos

"Wow! What a great post. I feel like I am back on those trips with you. Oh Canada, what wonderful food you offer the world. You are definitely the Hugh Hefner of vegan food photos."
(April 29, 2010, Veggie Terrain)

Monday, May 17, 2010

The Sarah Silverman of operating systems

"Of course, of quick note, I can’t help but laugh at the Sarah Silverman of Operating Systems, Apple OSX *. Well it seems that this 'perfectly secure' OS, has been proven not to be as inpenetrable as fanboys believed. The only good thing about a Trojan horse being spread via a Macintosh is that you know it isn’t going to spread too fast, since it has to search so far and long to find another Mac user."
(Nov. 1, 2007, Triple Venti)

Friday, May 14, 2010

The Dana Plato of the American Kennel Club

"I think my dog throws up for attention. He's like the Dana Plato of the American Kennel Club."
(March 25, 2010, Killorn, Twitter)

Thursday, May 13, 2010

The Tony Soprano of the 1960’s French suburbs

"Although the best, and most memorable, performance from a supporting cast member has to be the portrayal of crime boss Guido, a character which is played to perfection by GĂ©rard Depardieu. Guidco is a far cry from Depardieu’s most famous roles (Georges from Green Card for example), as he is essentially the Tony Soprano of the 1960’s French suburbs, and a character that was given a hefty presence by Depardieu’s strong and powerful performance, in a role that he fit into surprisingly well, being slow to trust, hardnosed, and very realistic and good at his job. Depardieu’s best performance in years, and one that could even rival James Gandolfini’s as a similarly toned crime lord."
(Jan. 29, 2010, Matt Wheeldon, Good Film Guide)

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

The Buster Bluth of the Island

"Jacob referring to his mother and brother as Mother and Brother made me decide he's officially the Buster Bluth of the Island, and I feel he and Allison Janney were at the first MotherBoy convention."
(May 12, 2010, jeskuh, Television Without Pity)

The Greta Garbo of gore movies

"MP: Somebody called me the Greta Garbo of gore movies. It's like, I want to be alone. Perhaps if I would have stuck it out for a couple more years – who knows? I do have to say, criticism of Nightmare on Elm Street did help me make the decision to stop acting. It did, because a lot of it was very, very negative."
(April 3, 2010, Mark Patton, Stone Cold Crazy)

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

The Benjamin Linus of the NFL

"Before I go any further, I will admit that I have had mixed emotions about Chad in the past. I’ve deemed him the Benjamin Linus of the NFL. I’ve been on each side of the fence with Chad. But after this season, I have a hard time not rooting for the guy. Part of that is due to the fact that he re-dedicated himself on the field and in the locker room. Another reason is how much he has embraced his fans in the city of Cincinnati and around the country. Twitter has brought out the charitable and philanthropic side of Chad, a side that many of us probably assumed wasn’t there."
(Jan. 11, 2010, J. Williams, Arbitrary Judgment)

Monday, May 10, 2010

The Gordon Gekko of lunchmeat

"I agree with Linda. Who needs 20 coupons for lunchmeat? The Gordon Gekko of lunchmeat, that’s who. Lots for a few. None for many. Way to go Gekko. Glad this worked for you."
(Sept. 28, 2009, The Krazy Coupon Lady)

Sunday, May 9, 2010

The Justin Bieber of applied linguistics

"Snowcloning is the Justin Bieber of applied linguistics."
(May 4, 2010, cortex, MetaFilter)

Saturday, May 8, 2010

The Richard Reid of wealthy celebrity horndogs

"Remember when that idiot shoe bomber Richard Reid tried to blow up his shoes on an airplane? He failed, yet for the past eight years we've had to take our shoes off during the boarding process. This incompetent dimwit cost us who knows how many hours of our time by FAILING to blow up a plane. I hate him every time I'm standing barefoot in an airport. Anyway, Tiger is the Richard Reid of wealthy celebrity horndogs. By failing, and by making some of the dumbest moves in the history of adultery, Tiger ruined things for more than a few celebrity horndogs."
(Dec. 10, 2009, Bill Simmons,

Friday, May 7, 2010

The Sherlock Holmes of tennis balls

"Sadie: The Sherlock Holmes of Tennis Balls"
(Jan. 2, 2010, Critter Minute)

Thursday, May 6, 2010

The Jimmy Carter of months

"May is like the Jimmy Carter of months."
(May 6, 2010, Steve Agee, Twitter)

The Mariah Carey of sad bastards

"Jeff Buckley was the Mariah Carey of sad bastards."
(May 5, 2010, Killorn, Twitter)

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

The Wonder Woman of this stinking mess

"Where the hell is Elizabeth Warren when we need her? She is the Wonder Woman of this stinking mess."
(March 12, 2010, Huffington Post)

Monday, May 3, 2010

The Darth Vader of dolphins

"'To be sure, I have a bad name. I have been deemed the Darth Vader of dolphins,' said Porter in an interview."
(March 30, 2010, Chris Porter, Oceanic Defense)