Friday, December 30, 2011

The Regis of medical supplies

"Thank You Band-Aids,I was finished with those hairs anyway.
For healing my cut faster than how 'The Paul Reiser Show' was canceled.
For helping heal me instead of saying 'quit your whining' like some people.
For being more reliable than the odds of there being another 'Fast and Furious' movie.
For only coming in tan, that must please Klan members.
For coming in multiple sizes to fit Kirstie Alley’s ever fluctuating size.
For being like a SARS mask for my cut.
For covering up my cut. If only you could do the same to Donald Trump’s face.
For always being there, like the Regis of medical supplies.
For being on more men than Madonna has.
For being just as comfortable to wear as The Snuggie."
(May 3, 2011, This is Dan's Blog)

Thursday, December 29, 2011

The Nancy Grace of ESPN

"Skip Bayless is the Nancy Grace of ESPN."
(Dec. 29, 2011, Neal Brennan, Twitter)

The Beyonce of NFL defenses

"We’ll certainly find out this Sunday. Newton makes his Carolina home debut against the Super Bowl champion Green Bay Packers. Talk about tough tests. Arizona was quite a feat for Carolina Cam, but Green Bay is the Beyonce of NFL defenses. Newton will need a Jay-Z performance to get the Panthers their first win of the year."
(Sept. 15, 2011, Vince Lucas, Sporty Sexy Cool)

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

The Philip Seymour Hoffman of clutching his head after being hit in the forearm

"Roughing the passer, opponent. Occurs twice per game. The Bears’ most consistently successful offensive play. Caused at times by Jay Cutler’s acting skills (he is the Philip Seymour Hoffman of clutching his head after being hit in the forearm), but also by the tight ends’ inability to successfully help Webb and Omiyale, who are not good players."
(Oct. 14, 2011, Mike Tanier, The New York Times)

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

The Han Solo of hockey blogging

"It seems like there’s overlap between hockey fans and Star Wars nerds, or maybe that’s just because I know that the Han Solo of hockey blogging, Greg Wyshynski, has a Star Wars-themed bathroom in his house."
(June 11, 2011, Jamie Mottram, Mr. Irrelevant)

Monday, December 26, 2011

The Benny Hill of MMA

"We’re looking forard to Palhares next fight. He’s like the Benny Hill of MMA running around the ring pantomiming and just doing wacky schtick."
(Aug. 28, 2011, Larry Pengood,

Sunday, December 25, 2011

The Hugh Hefner of Christmas

"I'm the Hugh Hefner of Christmas, as in I'm still wearing a bathrobe and hanging out with people decades younger than me."
(Dec. 25, 2011, @Smethanie, Twitter)

Friday, December 23, 2011

The Nurse Ratched of the lingerie world

"Until I saw these, I thought that the pantsular affliction of cameltoe was something to be ashamed of. Not in Japan, apparently. These flesh-coloured party pants look like the Nurse Ratched of the lingerie world, and it seems like they do to your nether regions what a good bra does to your upper one—lift and separate."
(March 31, 2008, Addy Dugdale, Gizmodo Australia)

Thursday, December 22, 2011

The Meryl Streep of seafood

"Yellowtail stands in for mahi-mahi. Nile perch is labeled as shark, and tilapia may be the Meryl Streep of seafood, capable of playing almost any role."
(May 26, 2011, Elisabeth Rosenthal, The New York Times)

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

The Fredo Corleone of the GOP family

"Rick Perry is the Fredo Corleone of the GOP family."
(Dec. 21, 2011, SeƱor Winces, Twitter)

The New Kids on the Block of the 2010s

"Angry Birds: the New Kids on the Block of the 2010s."
(Dec. 21, 2011, Andrew Nusca, Twitter)

The Basquiat of comedy

"Next time I want people to hate me, I'll refer to myself as 'The Basquiat of Comedy.'"
(Dec. 21, 2011, Dan Cronin, Twitter)

The Ron Jeremy of moobs

"Sweet. I am the Ron Jeremy of moobs."
(Aug. 9, 2011, Brell Rants)

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

The Rosa Parks of fat white middle-age celebrity millionaire first-class cabin iPhone douchebags

"BREAKING: Alec Baldwin is the Rosa Parks of fat white middle age celebrity millionaire First Class-cabin iPhone douchbags."
(Dec. 7, 2011, Breaking News, Twitter)

The Inspector Clouseau of male submission

"I see the inspector Clouseau of male submission is rounding up his usual suspects. How about fetching the pipe and slippers for him? He's such a prominent patriarch, and these days he's on the eve of handing his dusty old gossip column over to a conservator, hehe!"
(Nov.9, 2011, Domme Chronicles)

Monday, December 19, 2011

The Scrappy Doo of acting awards

"Now, I'm gonna go easy on the scoring for this because most the Golden Globe is the Scrappy Doo of acting awards and because Muppets fucking rule."
(June 19, 2011, Serious Fucking Business)

Friday, December 16, 2011

The Newt Gingrich of children's TV

"But at least it isn't Barney. Why in God's name does he have to sound like that? He is beyond irritating. He's the Newt Gingrich of children's TV (without the arrogance and aversion to cancerous women). Someone has insisted that he is popular and important, but I haven't met anyone who actually likes him."
(May 10, 2011, Adventures of a Stay-at-home Dad)

Thursday, December 15, 2011

The Bruno Mars of Christian pick-up lines

"So without further ado, here is a list of Christian Pickup Lines: Use wisely. Or, more aptly, please, please do not use these at all.
A. 'I would part the Red Sea for you.' It’s the Bruno Mars of Christian pick up lines."
(Nov. 19, 2011, Lyndsay Rush, Stuff Christians Like)

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

The Enrique Iglesias of the animal kingdom

"Before we got there, TBID and I saw a peacock, which is surely the Enrique Iglesias of the animal kingdom. It pranced around aloofly, only to turn around every few minutes, as if to lament, 'You’re looking at me? Oh, I guess I’m still gorgeous. Drats.' But you know that bird ate up every minute of attention."
(May 14, 2009, Noisiest Passenger)

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

The Pillsbury Doughboy of political promiscuity

"I don’t claim infallibility, and a good thing too, because when it comes to bad calls, I’ve made some beauts, to paraphrase Mayor Jimmy Walker. The most recent was when someone on Twitter summoned the possibility of Newt Gingrich resurging in the Republican primaries and I tweeted a terse 'No.' To me it was beyond the realm of possibility, just another gaseous emission from the punditry (which is craving a horse race). How wrong I was. On this crisp Monday morning in December, the Pillsbury Doughboy of political promiscuity is enjoying the 'big mo' while Mitt Romney is getting the blinky look of once-grinny confidence caving into panic."
(Dec. 13, 2011, James Wolcott, Vanity Fair)

The Kobe Bryant of trailer trash chic

"This installment of 15 Minutes Later highlights the trucker hat. The trucker hat; the Kobe Bryant of trailer trash chic–whatever that means. Made popular by the likes of Pharrell Williams, Ashton Kutcher, and Justin Timberlake, the trucker hat became the hotshot of cranial fashion during the early 2000s. Originally known as feed/gimme hat, it was initially made for promotional use. It was often given away for free from feed or farming supply companies to farmers, truck drivers, or other rural workers."
(Oct. 20, 2011, Quiet Lunch)

Monday, December 12, 2011

The El Duque of comedy

"Quote of the Day: Louis CK is the El Duque of comedy #mlb #hbt"
(Dec. 12, 2011, Hardball Talk, Twitter)

The Nathan Fillion of sideline reporting

"I really hope to see more video bombing this season. He's becoming the Nathan Fillion of sideline reporting."
(Aug. 30, 2011, The Gang Green)

Sunday, December 11, 2011

The Jane Goodall of studying drunk girls eat burritos

"I'm the Jane Goodall of studying drunk girls eat burritos."
(Dec. 7, 2011, Molly McNearney, Twitter)

Friday, December 9, 2011

The DragonCon of Christians

"Seventh Day Adventists are like the DragonCon of Christians."
(Dec. 9, 2011, Neko Case, Twitter)

The Yogi Berra of meth

"Which brings us to the episode’s final scene, and in a word, holy f***ing sh*t. Walt comes to Jesse’s house to get brought up to speed on the Mexico trip, and the conversation initially begins with an anxious Jesse telling Walt that he’s not sure he can properly answer the questions of the Mexican chemists ('What if everything’s written in Mexican?' Ahh Jesse, you’re the Yogi Berra of meth.)"
(Sept. 12, 2011, Dan Hopper,

Thursday, December 8, 2011

The Jennifer Hudson of the skies

"The Moon was big and fat, full and round in Taurus. Sort of like the Sophie Tucker of the skies. If she’s a bit before your times, I would have said like the Jennifer Hudson of the skies, but that was before she lost all that weight and started prancing around in those animal-print MK-Ultra slave minis. You get the picture."
(Nov. 11, 2011, Robert Phoenix)

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

The Keith Richards of Kansas City diners

"Capote, Over Easy
The Keith Richards of Kansas City diners turns 84 this year."
(Feb. 9, 2006, Charles Ferruzza, Pitch)

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

The Robert Ludlum of damnation

"Had L Ron been a good writer (not even a successful one), would that have made his story a better and more digestable one for his followers? Why has Judaism, Christianity and Islam lasted this long? Because God must be the best g$dd@mmed writer around! He is the Stephen King of redemption and the Robert Ludlum of damnation. Or at the very least he hired the best ghost writers that 50 virgins can buy. :)"
(Jan. 19, 2010, 30 Days in February)

Monday, December 5, 2011

The Jimmy Fallon of popsicle sticks

"18 years ago, a popsicle stick came into my home and into my heart. Stick Stickly was the host of Nick in the Afternoon on Nickelodeon. He was friendly. He was affable. He was always smiling. He was kind of like the Jimmy Fallon of popsicle sticks. Basically, he was this ray of sunshine in my childhood."
(Aug. 27, 2011, Meghan O'Keefe, Hello Giggles)

Friday, December 2, 2011

The Zooey Deschanel of bologna

"The Zooey Deschanel of bologna. I'm the girl everyone shakes their head at and asks: What's wrong with you?"
(@Smethanie, Twitter)

The Barney the Dinosaur of the budget phone world

"The VM720 is the Barney the Dinosaur of the budget phone world. It’s cute and purple, but does it deserve to be extinct?"
(Sept. 1, 2011, Virgin Media VM720)

Thursday, December 1, 2011

The Moses of procrastinators

"The thing is, in most cases, I have been there. As a high school, undergraduate, and even graduate student, I’ve often been the exact same panicked, miserable student trying to hack out an assignment in the eleventh hour. And when they stumble into the main Writing Center or a satellite location, I can recognize the members of my tribe, and I want to guide them, like the Moses of procrastinators, to the promised land."
(Nov. 7, 2011, Kevin Boettcher, Another Mind)