The Rosa Parks of Blogs

The Heather Locklear of legumes

2012-02-02T07:50:00.000-08:00

"If, like me, your goal is sustainable starvation (tm), or even if you just want to be a little bit healthier, you should eat red lentils. 5 years ago I might've said they were the Heather Locklear of legumes. And by that I mean, if your nutritional intake program - note, I did not say 'diet' because I don't believe in that word - is suffering, just add red lentils. Like Heather Locklear pre-DUI, just one special guest appearance and HUZZAH! your ratings increase 10 points."
(Jan. 7, 2009, robBLOG 4.0)

The Che Guevara of ed-tech

2012-02-01T07:20:00.000-08:00

"When someone calls me the Che Guevara of ed-tech: is that a compliment, an insult, or a death threat"
(Jan. 23, 2012, Audrey Watters, Twitter)

The Jessica Alba of the Red Sox

2012-01-31T07:42:00.000-08:00

"We're also not talking about the Jessica Alba of the Red Sox, the player who possesses both the obvious sizeable appeal and the hard-to-define intangibles. When the game is on the line, David Ortiz is everyone's choice."
(April 3, 2008, Tom. M. Tango, The Hardball Times)

The Chaz Bono of dictators

2012-01-30T16:09:00.000-08:00

"Kim Jong Il’s son is pretty much the Chaz Bono of dictators."
(Jan. 30, 2012, Seth MacFarlane, Twitter)

The Dick Cheney of glam rock

2012-01-30T07:45:00.000-08:00

"Oh, another health crisis for Bret. Maybe while they're repairing his heart they can pull his head out of his ass. He's quickly becoming the Dick Cheney of glam rock."
(Jan. 11, 2012, Blabbermouth.net)

The Def Leppard of football

2012-01-27T07:22:00.000-08:00

"Q: I don't like the comparison of Alex Smith to Meg White (in your Week 17 column). If you're going to compare Alex to a drummer, I think it's got to be Rick Allen (the guy from Def Leppard with one arm). Came in with a lot of talent. Didn't do a whole lot. Suffered through some bad experiences (multiple bad coaches and coordinators, lost an arm). Then, despite all odds, gained success with the same supporting cast. Not saying I want the Niners to be the Def Leppard of football (I'd prefer Van Halen if we're going hair metal), but the parallels are undeniable. By the way, it's 4:19 a.m. right now, and I'm drunk on Johnnie Walker Black Label (official sponsor of the ESPN Happy Hour, where PTI lets you appear when they're hard-up for subs), which explains why I'm suddenly full of sports knowledge."
(Jan. 6, 2012, Josh Bartz, Grantland)

The Andrew Luck of the Chosen People

2012-01-26T07:41:00.000-08:00

"If my Hebrew School teachers were 6’10″ franchise saviors instead of walking Jewish stereotypes I probably would’ve paid a little more attention and made my parents a little prouder at my Bar Mitzvah.
And no question if Dave Chapelle held his racial draft today Amare is on top of the J-Double-O Big Board. He’d be like the Andrew Luck of the Chosen People."
(Dec. 5, 2011, Barstool Sports)

The Pierce Brosnan of gargoyles

2012-01-25T07:54:00.000-08:00

"Duncan came to live in my garden in 2005. He’s a tall elegant Griffin. He is highly intelligent – not street smart, dashingly good looking, arrogant, shrewd, charming, conceited, self-centred, witty not funny and impatient. He is a ceaseless gossip but can be kind and caring to the few whom he deems to be worthy of his attention. He has a soft spot for Arthur but always hedges his bets around Roger. Duncan is thorough, thoughtful, capable of organizing great amounts of information and paying attention to every detail. He is a tireless pursuer of the ladies but not interested in clinging commitments. He never does the dirty work himself, preferring to wash his paws of the mundane. Duncan is to be trusted cautiously, if at all. He will honour a debt. He is definitely the Pierce Brosnan of gargoyles."
(July 3, 2011, Martha T. Steele, Real Estate Bits)

The Alec Baldwin of Power Rangers

2012-01-24T07:50:00.000-08:00

"'A Pig Surprise' – Pudgy Pig’s second appearance. He’s the most reoccurring guest monster. The Alec Baldwin of Power Rangers."
(Dec. 26, 2011, Billie Green, Porpoise of Life)

The Emma Watson of the pole vault

2012-01-23T07:50:00.000-08:00

"The undeniably cute Silke Spiegelburg, who I previously dubbed the Emma Watson of the pole vault, also struggled to a ninth-place finish."
(Sept. 5, 2011, Freodom)

The Vanna White of pork

2012-01-22T11:50:00.000-08:00

"I just got 1/4 of a pig delivered to my house by the lovely Johanna Davidson Bleckman, the Vanna White of pork, and her hunky husband. We are having bacon for supper."
(Jan. 22, 2012, Magda Pecsenye, Facebook)

The Gisele of hunching over the sink eating leftovers

2012-01-20T09:26:00.000-08:00

"I'm the Gisele of hunching over the sink eating leftovers."
(Jan. 20, 2012, Killorn, Twitter)

The Fabio of Russian politics

2012-01-20T07:04:00.000-08:00

"And yes, though we might reserve some softness for the feminine kind, swooning over Obama as women have swooned over George Clooney undermines her authority and weakens her political resolve. Imagine journalists writing the same thing of Putin’s interaction with the American president. Though Putin might present himself as the Fabio of Russian politics, he would not take kindly to being painted as submissive to any other leader, male or female."
(Nov. 17, 2011, Samuel Webster)

The Bruce Springsteen of science lecturers

2012-01-19T07:30:00.000-08:00

"'He’s famous for being the Bruce Springsteen of science lecturers,' Ms. Mittelbach said. 'It was a lengthy, meaty show.'"
(Jan. 5, 2012, Jennifer Schuessler, The New York Times)

The Troy Aikman of school

2012-01-18T07:07:00.000-08:00

"All I can recall is my head, tile, ouch. There is a lesson in this story. I believe all though the rest of school I had never called another girl fat......to her face. I guess I was kind of the Troy Aikman of school. I eventually got so many concussions I had to quit doing the stuff that was gonna hurt me. And that includes making comments about how big a girl might be. If a girl would have ever ask me if a outfit made her look fat I would have ran. Fuck if I can take another concussion."
(Sept. 23, 2010, The Reel Russell)

The Helena Bonham Carter of cities

2012-01-17T07:57:00.000-08:00

"This is why I call Baltimore the Helena Bonham Carter of cities (well, I've called it that three times). No one ever expects her to show up at the Oscars looking gorgeous or sexy, so she's free to look fabulous instead. She can be trashy, wacky, surprising, outdated--and Kelly Osbourne is still going to gush over her outfit on Fashion Police."
(April 3, 2011, Y Tu Palta Tambien)

The Tilda Swinton of hedgehogs

2012-01-16T07:22:00.000-08:00

"I have to make this snappy because we are expecting yet another guest in an hour or so. Young Kevin is going to Japan to do something for the summer and we’re taking care of his hedgehog Eleanor. Y.K. describes Eleanor as the Tilda Swinton of hedgehogs. My mom is leaving tomorrow so, for tonight, I feel like one of those families that are six to a room. In other words, I am feeling very crowded and grumpy about it. Five humans, four dogs. three cats, one enigmatic hedgehog and one small bathroom to serve them all!"
(May 28, 2011, Send in the Crones)

The Albert Pujols of pharmaceutical chemistry

2012-01-13T07:35:00.000-08:00

"Who's the Albert Pujols of pharmaceutical chemistry?
Oh, Pujols! Credit: Wikipedia
Albert Pujols was a star first baseman for the St. Louis Cardinals. After winning his second World Series with the Cardinals this fall, he decided to sign with the California Anaheim Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim for 254 million dollars. (Sorry, Cardinals fans -- I feel for ya.)"
(Dec. 9, 2011, Chemjobber)

The Chris Brown of weather

2012-01-12T07:58:00.000-08:00

"One day it was raining really hard and my friend said it was smacking him in the face. I told him, 'You just look at that rain and tell it to stop being the Chris Brown of weather.'"
(Jan. 1, 2012, Sporkin' On Down the Road)

The Henry Kissinger of Pink Floyd

2012-01-11T07:58:00.000-08:00

"In the long-term, Mason is convinced that Gilmour and Waters can put their differences aside and get together one more time.
He told the Daily Express: 'I've just finished playing with David at his recent solo concerts and I'm about to play a show with Roger. I call myself the Henry Kissinger of Pink Floyd!'"
(June 12, 2006, NME)

The Hannibal Lecter of employment claims

2012-01-10T07:54:00.000-08:00

"Retaliation is the Hannibal Lecter of employment claims"
(July 8, 2011, Jon Hyman, Ohio Employer's Law Blog)

The Rick Santorum of Mets second basemen

2012-01-09T07:01:00.000-08:00

"2011 '2nd base candidate' Luis Hernandez, also known as the Rick Santorum of Mets second basemen, played badly at AAA. At least his last name isn't synonymous with something very, very gross."
(Dec. 11, 2011, Amazin' Avenue)

The Ben Kingsley of duck-billed turtleheaded pterodactyls

2012-01-06T07:17:00.000-08:00

"I bet that’s the Ben Kingsley of duck-billed turtleheaded pterodactyls."
(Nov. 3, 2009, Filmdrunk)

The Fiona Apple of footwear

2012-01-05T07:31:00.000-08:00

"So, Sam Edelman's stud-covered Lorissa heels are hurting me real bad... in the real-good way. The kinda bad Fiona Apple meant when she was sloshing around in that hot tub back in 1997. That's it. Sam Edelman's studded heels = the Fiona Apple of footwear."
(March 25, 2011, Free Beauty Tips)

The Timothy Olyphant of the cake world

2012-01-04T07:37:00.000-08:00

"Cakes and desserts are a bit like men - they have to be really special to make you want them but when you do, you can`t get enough of them. Well, if that were true, I think I have found the Timothy Olyphant of the cake world – Ladurée macaroons."
(April 19, 2011, Vent-elated)

The Joey Fatone of Mitt Romney's sons

2012-01-03T16:16:00.000-08:00

"Tagg Romney is the Joey Fatone of Mitt Romney's sons."
(Jan. 3, 2012, Josh Jude, Twitter

The George Carlin of knitter blogs

2012-01-03T07:39:00.000-08:00

"You forgot 'nipple' - didn't that cause a fuss a few years ago.. You're kinda like the George Carlin of knitter blogs.. penis, penis penis...nipple nipple nipple.. if we write a hiku with the word penis in it do we win a prize??"
(Feb. 10, 2011, Yarn Harlot)

The Nostradamus of minor league hockey

2012-01-02T07:03:00.000-08:00

"Hate to be the Nostradamus of minor league hockey, but those prior concerns I had about the FHL are being reinforced early this season. Here’s hoping the league can be saved … but at this point the FHL may go the way of the IHL, WHA, WPHL and every other good intentioned but economically-challenged league that folded."
(Dec. 3, 2011, Shooting for the Show)

The Michael Jordan of having a Hitler mustache & being in underpants commercials

2012-01-01T20:05:00.000-08:00

"Michael Jordan is like the Michael Jordan of having a Hitler mustache & being in underpants commercials."
(Jan. 1, 2012, Rob Delaney, Twitter)

The Regis of medical supplies

2011-12-30T07:01:00.000-08:00

"Thank You Band-Aids,I was finished with those hairs anyway.
For healing my cut faster than how 'The Paul Reiser Show' was canceled.
For helping heal me instead of saying 'quit your whining' like some people.
For being more reliable than the odds of there being another 'Fast and Furious' movie.
For only coming in tan, that must please Klan members.
For coming in multiple sizes to fit Kirstie Alley’s ever fluctuating size.
For being like a SARS mask for my cut.
For covering up my cut. If only you could do the same to Donald Trump’s face.
For always being there, like the Regis of medical supplies.
For being on more men than Madonna has.
For being just as comfortable to wear as The Snuggie."
(May 3, 2011, This is Dan's Blog)

The Nancy Grace of ESPN

2011-12-29T12:52:00.000-08:00

"Skip Bayless is the Nancy Grace of ESPN."
(Dec. 29, 2011, Neal Brennan, Twitter)

The Beyonce of NFL defenses

2011-12-29T07:03:00.000-08:00

"We’ll certainly find out this Sunday. Newton makes his Carolina home debut against the Super Bowl champion Green Bay Packers. Talk about tough tests. Arizona was quite a feat for Carolina Cam, but Green Bay is the Beyonce of NFL defenses. Newton will need a Jay-Z performance to get the Panthers their first win of the year."
(Sept. 15, 2011, Vince Lucas, Sporty Sexy Cool)

The Philip Seymour Hoffman of clutching his head after being hit in the forearm

2011-12-28T07:11:00.000-08:00

"Roughing the passer, opponent. Occurs twice per game. The Bears’ most consistently successful offensive play. Caused at times by Jay Cutler’s acting skills (he is the Philip Seymour Hoffman of clutching his head after being hit in the forearm), but also by the tight ends’ inability to successfully help Webb and Omiyale, who are not good players."
(Oct. 14, 2011, Mike Tanier, The New York Times)

The Han Solo of hockey blogging

2011-12-27T07:50:00.000-08:00

"It seems like there’s overlap between hockey fans and Star Wars nerds, or maybe that’s just because I know that the Han Solo of hockey blogging, Greg Wyshynski, has a Star Wars-themed bathroom in his house."
(June 11, 2011, Jamie Mottram, Mr. Irrelevant)

The Benny Hill of MMA

2011-12-26T07:21:00.000-08:00

"We’re looking forard to Palhares next fight. He’s like the Benny Hill of MMA running around the ring pantomiming and just doing wacky schtick."
(Aug. 28, 2011, Larry Pengood, MMAJones.com)

The Hugh Hefner of Christmas

2011-12-25T14:58:00.000-08:00

"I'm the Hugh Hefner of Christmas, as in I'm still wearing a bathrobe and hanging out with people decades younger than me."
(Dec. 25, 2011, @Smethanie, Twitter)

The Nurse Ratched of the lingerie world

2011-12-23T07:02:00.000-08:00

"Until I saw these, I thought that the pantsular affliction of cameltoe was something to be ashamed of. Not in Japan, apparently. These flesh-coloured party pants look like the Nurse Ratched of the lingerie world, and it seems like they do to your nether regions what a good bra does to your upper one—lift and separate."
(March 31, 2008, Addy Dugdale, Gizmodo Australia)

The Meryl Streep of seafood

2011-12-22T07:43:00.000-08:00

"Yellowtail stands in for mahi-mahi. Nile perch is labeled as shark, and tilapia may be the Meryl Streep of seafood, capable of playing almost any role."
(May 26, 2011, Elisabeth Rosenthal, The New York Times)

The Fredo Corleone of the GOP family

2011-12-21T20:45:00.000-08:00

"Rick Perry is the Fredo Corleone of the GOP family."
(Dec. 21, 2011, Señor Winces, Twitter)

The New Kids on the Block of the 2010s

2011-12-21T11:01:00.000-08:00

"Angry Birds: the New Kids on the Block of the 2010s."
(Dec. 21, 2011, Andrew Nusca, Twitter)

The Basquiat of comedy

2011-12-21T08:26:00.000-08:00

"Next time I want people to hate me, I'll refer to myself as 'The Basquiat of Comedy.'"
(Dec. 21, 2011, Dan Cronin, Twitter)

The Ron Jeremy of moobs

2011-12-21T07:11:00.000-08:00

"Sweet. I am the Ron Jeremy of moobs."
(Aug. 9, 2011, Brell Rants)

The Rosa Parks of fat white middle-age celebrity millionaire first-class cabin iPhone douchebags

2011-12-20T20:14:00.000-08:00

"BREAKING: Alec Baldwin is the Rosa Parks of fat white middle age celebrity millionaire First Class-cabin iPhone douchbags."
(Dec. 7, 2011, Breaking News, Twitter)

The Inspector Clouseau of male submission

2011-12-20T07:06:00.000-08:00

"I see the inspector Clouseau of male submission is rounding up his usual suspects. How about fetching the pipe and slippers for him? He's such a prominent patriarch, and these days he's on the eve of handing his dusty old gossip column over to a conservator, hehe!"
(Nov.9, 2011, Domme Chronicles)

The Scrappy Doo of acting awards

2011-12-19T06:58:00.000-08:00

"Now, I'm gonna go easy on the scoring for this because most the Golden Globe is the Scrappy Doo of acting awards and because Muppets fucking rule."
(June 19, 2011, Serious Fucking Business)

The Newt Gingrich of children's TV

2011-12-16T07:34:00.000-08:00

"But at least it isn't Barney. Why in God's name does he have to sound like that? He is beyond irritating. He's the Newt Gingrich of children's TV (without the arrogance and aversion to cancerous women). Someone has insisted that he is popular and important, but I haven't met anyone who actually likes him."
(May 10, 2011, Adventures of a Stay-at-home Dad)

The Bruno Mars of Christian pick-up lines

2011-12-15T07:07:00.000-08:00

"So without further ado, here is a list of Christian Pickup Lines: Use wisely. Or, more aptly, please, please do not use these at all.
A. 'I would part the Red Sea for you.' It’s the Bruno Mars of Christian pick up lines."
(Nov. 19, 2011, Lyndsay Rush, Stuff Christians Like)

The Enrique Iglesias of the animal kingdom

2011-12-14T07:00:00.000-08:00

"Before we got there, TBID and I saw a peacock, which is surely the Enrique Iglesias of the animal kingdom. It pranced around aloofly, only to turn around every few minutes, as if to lament, 'You’re looking at me? Oh, I guess I’m still gorgeous. Drats.' But you know that bird ate up every minute of attention."
(May 14, 2009, Noisiest Passenger)

The Pillsbury Doughboy of political promiscuity

2011-12-13T13:56:00.000-08:00

"I don’t claim infallibility, and a good thing too, because when it comes to bad calls, I’ve made some beauts, to paraphrase Mayor Jimmy Walker. The most recent was when someone on Twitter summoned the possibility of Newt Gingrich resurging in the Republican primaries and I tweeted a terse 'No.' To me it was beyond the realm of possibility, just another gaseous emission from the punditry (which is craving a horse race). How wrong I was. On this crisp Monday morning in December, the Pillsbury Doughboy of political promiscuity is enjoying the 'big mo' while Mitt Romney is getting the blinky look of once-grinny confidence caving into panic."
(Dec. 13, 2011, James Wolcott, Vanity Fair)

The Kobe Bryant of trailer trash chic

2011-12-13T07:41:00.000-08:00

"This installment of 15 Minutes Later highlights the trucker hat. The trucker hat; the Kobe Bryant of trailer trash chic–whatever that means. Made popular by the likes of Pharrell Williams, Ashton Kutcher, and Justin Timberlake, the trucker hat became the hotshot of cranial fashion during the early 2000s. Originally known as feed/gimme hat, it was initially made for promotional use. It was often given away for free from feed or farming supply companies to farmers, truck drivers, or other rural workers."
(Oct. 20, 2011, Quiet Lunch)

The El Duque of comedy

2011-12-12T19:53:00.000-08:00

"Quote of the Day: Louis CK is the El Duque of comedy http://dlvr.it/109g9b #mlb #hbt"
(Dec. 12, 2011, Hardball Talk, Twitter)

The Nathan Fillion of sideline reporting

2011-12-12T07:15:00.000-08:00

"I really hope to see more video bombing this season. He's becoming the Nathan Fillion of sideline reporting."
(Aug. 30, 2011, The Gang Green)

The Jane Goodall of studying drunk girls eat burritos

2011-12-11T20:23:00.000-08:00

"I'm the Jane Goodall of studying drunk girls eat burritos."
(Dec. 7, 2011, Molly McNearney, Twitter)

The DragonCon of Christians

2011-12-09T20:59:00.000-08:00

"Seventh Day Adventists are like the DragonCon of Christians."
(Dec. 9, 2011, Neko Case, Twitter)

The Yogi Berra of meth

2011-12-09T07:36:00.000-08:00

"Which brings us to the episode’s final scene, and in a word, holy f***ing sh*t. Walt comes to Jesse’s house to get brought up to speed on the Mexico trip, and the conversation initially begins with an anxious Jesse telling Walt that he’s not sure he can properly answer the questions of the Mexican chemists ('What if everything’s written in Mexican?' Ahh Jesse, you’re the Yogi Berra of meth.)"
(Sept. 12, 2011, Dan Hopper, BestWeekEver.tv)

The Jennifer Hudson of the skies

2011-12-08T07:08:00.000-08:00

"The Moon was big and fat, full and round in Taurus. Sort of like the Sophie Tucker of the skies. If she’s a bit before your times, I would have said like the Jennifer Hudson of the skies, but that was before she lost all that weight and started prancing around in those animal-print MK-Ultra slave minis. You get the picture."
(Nov. 11, 2011, Robert Phoenix)

The Keith Richards of Kansas City diners

2011-12-07T07:39:00.000-08:00

"Capote, Over Easy
The Keith Richards of Kansas City diners turns 84 this year."
(Feb. 9, 2006, Charles Ferruzza, Pitch)

The Robert Ludlum of damnation

2011-12-06T07:46:00.000-08:00

"Had L Ron been a good writer (not even a successful one), would that have made his story a better and more digestable one for his followers? Why has Judaism, Christianity and Islam lasted this long? Because God must be the best g$dd@mmed writer around! He is the Stephen King of redemption and the Robert Ludlum of damnation. Or at the very least he hired the best ghost writers that 50 virgins can buy. :)"
(Jan. 19, 2010, 30 Days in February)

The Jimmy Fallon of popsicle sticks

2011-12-05T07:02:00.000-08:00

"18 years ago, a popsicle stick came into my home and into my heart. Stick Stickly was the host of Nick in the Afternoon on Nickelodeon. He was friendly. He was affable. He was always smiling. He was kind of like the Jimmy Fallon of popsicle sticks. Basically, he was this ray of sunshine in my childhood."
(Aug. 27, 2011, Meghan O'Keefe, Hello Giggles)

The Zooey Deschanel of bologna

2011-12-02T12:37:00.000-08:00

"The Zooey Deschanel of bologna. I'm the girl everyone shakes their head at and asks: What's wrong with you?"
(@Smethanie, Twitter)

The Barney the Dinosaur of the budget phone world

2011-12-02T07:19:00.000-08:00

"The VM720 is the Barney the Dinosaur of the budget phone world. It’s cute and purple, but does it deserve to be extinct?"
(Sept. 1, 2011, Virgin Media VM720)

The Moses of procrastinators

2011-12-01T07:12:00.000-08:00

"The thing is, in most cases, I have been there. As a high school, undergraduate, and even graduate student, I’ve often been the exact same panicked, miserable student trying to hack out an assignment in the eleventh hour. And when they stumble into the main Writing Center or a satellite location, I can recognize the members of my tribe, and I want to guide them, like the Moses of procrastinators, to the promised land."
(Nov. 7, 2011, Kevin Boettcher, Another Mind)

The Temperance Brennan of gymnastics

2011-11-30T07:08:00.000-08:00

"Cut to the party, which takes place outdoors in front of what I assume to be the host’s house. Kaylie’s all impressed by Emily’s hooker wear, which makes Emily more self-conscious. She quickly covers up with her sweater. Payson’s sporting an old Rock sweatshirt, which is mildly amusing but I’m kind of over the whole Payson=SuperGymnast angle. She’s the Temperance Brennan of gymnastics, I get it. Except not even Brennan is that obsessed."
(July 9, 2009, The Unicorner)

The Javier Bardem of tiger wranglers

2011-11-29T07:38:00.000-08:00

"We didn’t want to leave him out. He was like the Javier Bardem of tiger wranglers."
(Jan. 27, 2011, Michelle Collins, Best Week Ever)

The George Lucas of drug companies

2011-11-28T07:21:00.000-08:00

"Shire is the George Lucas of drug companies, degrading classic amphetamine formulations and making the originals unavailable. Don't settle for 'newer and better.' The originals have worked great for over 70 years."
(Nov. 8, 2011, vBulletin)

The Ozzie Guillen of higher ed

2011-11-25T07:26:00.000-08:00

"It is unfuckingbelievable that this Yudof dude could say shit like that. He sounds like the Ozzie Guillen of higher ed. It is clearly the words of someone who just doesn't give a flying fuck anymore. Maybe he's already been told that he is going to be shitcanned?"
(Sept. 28, 2009, Confessions of a Community College Dean)

The Picasso of choking in the clutch

2011-11-24T07:06:00.000-08:00

"Romo has made it an art form. He’s the Picasso of choking in the clutch. Last night was his latest masterpiece."
(Sept. 12, 2011, The Linc)

The Chris Tucker of white people music

2011-11-23T07:08:00.000-08:00

"Vince Neil talks pretty high--he's like the Chris Tucker of white people music."
(June 16, 2011, Eran Mukamel)

The Wilt Chamberlain of Bigfootery

2011-11-22T07:39:00.000-08:00

"Tom Biscardi the Wilt Chamberlain of Bigfootery. Biscardi lives in between the California Bay Area and Las Vegas, or, as a source says, 'wherever he can find a loose woman.' Biscardi thinks he is God’s gift to women, and he is one of the wildest, most out of control and notorious womanizers in the Bigfoot world. One source compared him to Wilt Chamberlain. 'Biscardi has a woman in every port,' the source said."
(Aug. 2, 2011, Robert Lindsay)

The Steve Jobs of pumpkin cannons

2011-11-21T07:50:00.000-08:00

"Who will be the Steve Jobs of pumpkin cannons? MT @bradplumer: Pumpkin-cannon technology has stagnated: http://bit.ly/shcYuA"
(Nov. 10, 2011, John McQuaid, Twitter)

The Indiana Jones of fanny packs

2011-11-18T07:48:00.000-08:00

"This one is cute and sporty (I have a thing for Puma bags) and doesn’t look like your grandma’s fanny pack. Also, it is clearly labeled as an 'amazing item' so it’s hard to imagine going wrong with that. Still, I was hoping for something a little more rugged. Something sturdy and enduring and maybe even a little adventurous. I wanted the Indiana Jones of fanny packs."
(Aug. 15, 2011, JR Tague)

The Adolf Hitler of shallow

2011-11-17T07:41:00.000-08:00

"But this is America, remember, where one should never underestimate shallow. And Rick Perry brings shallow to a new level. He is very gifted in that regard. He could be the Adolf Hitler of shallow."
(Oct. 26, 2011, Matt Taibbi, Rolling Stone)

The Eddie Murphy of the dentistry world

2011-11-16T07:11:00.000-08:00

"Wisdom teeth are bastards!
They are the Eddie Murphy of the dentistry world. There was a time when they were welcome,even useful and we were happy to have them (about 6 million years ago when our jaws were bigger) but now every time they show up they bring only pain and annoyance."
(Oct. 16, 2011, A Series of Terrible Decisions)

The Garfield of real-life people

2011-11-15T07:03:00.000-08:00

"Both Limitless and The Lincoln Lawyer are exceeding box office expectations. This is a bit surprising, given that Limitless stars the Garfield of real-life people, Bradley Cooper, and The Lincoln Lawyer is a critically approved, marketed-to-adults courtroom drama starring Matthew McConaughey. As Jon Arbuckle might say, 'Argh!'"
(March 31, 2011, D.B. Austin, Fast Forward Weekly)

The Andy Dick of squirrels

2011-11-14T07:54:00.000-08:00

"The Andy Dick of squirrels has been running wild in Vermont. One man claims the insane rodent jumped on his back while he was shoveling snow, and at least one woman says she was bitten. Authorities say the squirrel is probably not rabid, but instead has lost its fear of humans after being fed by well-meaning idiots. And people wonder why I hate leaving the house? Nature is out to get us people. If it's not earthquakes and tsunamis, it's insane squirrels. The faster we wipe out nature the better off we'll be. God didn't create us in his image just so we could be terrorized by stuff, did he?"
(March 17, 2011, The Daily Crabble)

The Polonius of bipartisan Washington punditry

2011-11-11T07:16:00.000-08:00

"Brooks, who also flogged the unheeded Simpson-Bowles fiscal commission as 'the only way to realistically fix this problem,' has merely picked up where the Polonius of bipartisan Washington punditry, David Broder of the Washington Post, left off when he died in March."
(Sept. 25, 2011, Frank Rich, New York)

The Hepburn and Tracy of the paint-huffing demographic

2011-11-10T20:05:00.000-08:00

"Denise Richards and Richie Sambora are the Hepburn and Tracy of the paint-huffing demographic."
(Nov. 10, 2011, Peter-john Byrnes, Twitter)

The Napoleon Dynamite of sandwiches

2011-11-10T12:13:00.000-08:00

"Sandwiches with only one slice of cheese in them are the Napoleon Dynamite of sandwiches."
(Nov. 10, 2011, @mzeld, Twitter)

The Rick Perry of HPV shots

2011-11-10T07:32:00.000-08:00

"What's worse is that when I hear of someone else doing something that could potentially cause them pain, I warn them of their impending pain, unsolicited, therefore injecting them with my fear. I'm like the Rick Perry of HPV shots over here (topical!!!)."
(Sept. 24, 2011, Safia With an "A")

The Incredible Hulk of crappy food

2011-11-09T07:27:00.000-08:00

"I’m actually getting to the point where I start to get a little agro after a bad meal- I’m like the Incredible Hulk of crappy food. I start to make snide remarks, which, thankfully, pass completely unnoticed by the Spanish-speaking teenagers who often man these eateries, and R has to talk me down afterward."
(Oct. 3, 2011, We're Not There Yet)

The goddamn Muhammad Ali of apples

2011-11-08T18:43:00.000-08:00

"Honey Crisps are the goddamn Muhammad Ali of apples."
(Nov. 5, 2011, Alex Blagg, Twitter)

The Muggsy Bogues of cutlery

2011-11-08T07:35:00.000-08:00

"A typical oyster knife is relatively short with a thick blade, designed to be as forceful as it is nimble—the Muggsy Bogues of cutlery."
(March 31, 2011, Travel Blog from Tablet Hotels)

The Kim Kardashian of media policies

2011-11-07T07:11:00.000-08:00

"If you estimate that first mention of the gag order on Ilya Bryzgalov came at around 9 AM yesterday, and then check timestamps on Tweets from Sam Carchidi and Tim Panaccio last night, you can deduce that the asinine policy lasted less than 12 hours-- it was sort of the Kim Kardashian of media policies."
(Nov. 1, 2011, Crossing Broad)

The Theo Epstein of bagel bakeries

2011-11-04T07:36:00.000-07:00

"As I stepped toward the counter, a friendly woman with the words 'General Manager' under her name greeted me and asked me what I’d like. Huzzah! How could the Theo Epstein of bagel bakeries screw up my order? Today was going to be a good breakfast day."
(Oct. 30, 2008, The Legend of Dan)

The Kevin Spacey of octopodes

2011-11-03T07:02:00.000-07:00

"The Kevin Spacey of octopodes"
(July 22, 2011, Uncharted Atolls)

The Dirk Nowitzki of relaxation

2011-11-02T07:54:00.000-07:00

"We were a little tired when we finally arrived. The house was perfect: off the main roads, featuring a driveway full of rocks (number one request by toddlers), as well as chickens, olive trees, fig trees, a shaded outdoor eating area, a tame magpie named Jackie, a golden retriever named Tess who is the Dirk Nowitzki of relaxation, and minor conveniences like a saltwater pool overlooking the nearby, hanging villages of Seillans and Fayance."
(July 9, 2011, Nocomz's Blog)

The Antonio Banderas of food trucks

2011-11-01T07:10:00.000-07:00

"Think of this as the Antonio Banderas of food trucks. Actually, don’t. Instead, just think of it as a rolling Tex-Mex factory nomadically dispensing carne asada through all hours of the day and night."
(April 4, 2011, Urban Daddy)

The Kenny of the NFL

2011-10-31T07:12:00.000-07:00

"Brett Favre is the Kenny of the NFL. He dies on the field at the end of every season, and shows up next year to do it again."
(June 12, 2011, Total Packers)

The Chef Boyardee of education

2011-10-28T07:20:00.000-07:00

"I know that these are tricky situations. I know that a lot of times teachers and principles are hamstrung by being put in difficult positions by difficult parents, difficult colleagues or difficult students, and there is a certain amount of understanding that needs to be granted. When it comes to the education system, I personally think that there are far too many cooks in the kitchen, including the Chef Boyardee of education, standardized testing. That being said, asking a student to prom is most decidedly not the same as say threatening a teacher, threatening a student or being the reason that metal detectors need to be put in schools."
(May 11, 2011, Sufficient Cynic)

The Kirsten Dunst of gay porn stars

2011-10-27T07:51:00.000-07:00

"He's the Kirsten Dunst of gay porn stars."
(Aug. 19, 2011, Freakin' Awesome Network Forums)

The Rick Ross of underwater insects

2011-10-26T07:04:00.000-07:00

"Tagame: The Rick Ross of Underwater Insects"
(July 1, 2011, Glenn Patteson)

The Aaron Rodgers of cheeses

2011-10-25T07:14:00.000-07:00

"This picky process really pays off – its the only cheese to have won both the Best of Show from the American Cheese Society and U.S. Champion Cheese, basically making it the Aaron Rodgers of cheeses. Throw away your mild cheddar and make your next grilled cheese with this stuff – you’ll never go back."
(April 22, 2008, Strange Birds Purr)

The Mark Twain of ancient science

2011-10-24T07:04:00.000-07:00

"It was probably Ptolemy. Ptolemy is like the Mark Twain of ancient science. If you have a really good quote you can't place, you just attribute it to Mark Twain, who has so many apocryphal quotes attributed to him that one more won't hurt."
(Sept. 23, 2011, Comic Strip of the Day.com)

The Gollum of phone companies

2011-10-21T13:50:00.000-07:00

"Or: 'AT&T, We're the Gollum of phone companies. Living underground, by a little lake. Eating slimy things.' #newattslogans"
(Oct. 21, 2011, Thomas Lennon, Twitter)

The James Spader of lifeguards

2011-10-21T07:35:00.000-07:00

"I just wanted to point out that 'Boy-Crazy Stacey' is supposed to be 13 years and she’s being hit on by the James Spader of lifeguards. The creeper’s not even looking at the foot he’s putting that bandage on."
(Dec. 22, 2009, andreadisaster.com)

The Rosie O’Donnell of birds

2011-10-20T07:58:00.000-07:00

"Even the crows, the loudest of all the birds in my woods, don’t annoy me as much as they once did. I call them the Rosie O’Donnell of birds because of their obnoxious cacklings."
(March 29, 2011, Susan Reinhardt, A Good Blog is Hard to Find)

The David Bowie of beef cuts

2011-10-19T07:03:00.000-07:00

"I could hardly contain myself. It was incredibly juicy because it was, in truth, bloody. My new favorite temperature. After a few delicious bites and a survey of the shape of the cut(s), we agreed the we had on our hands a hangar steak, the David Bowie of beef cuts. I was overcome with joy and cider."
(June 30, 2011, How Dude You Do)

The Dr. Seuss of handjobs

2011-10-18T07:54:00.000-07:00

"Speed intervals: Going at a constant pace and grip the entire time is equivalent to putting your fingers in a girl and not moving them. Go one hand, go two hands, go get your friends and use their hands. Go fast, go slow, and you get the point because I am starting to sound like the Dr. Seuss of handjobs. So boys and girls just remember, mix it up for the love of all holy penises in the world."
(Sept. 4, 2011, College Town Life)

The Papa Smurf of the Christian community

2011-10-17T07:19:00.000-07:00

"Papa Smurf is the leader of the Smurfs, and the only Smurf who wears red. Papa Smurf brings the Smurfs to safety in times of danger and crisis. Everyone in Smurf Village turns to Papa Smurf when things go awry. God is the 'Papa Smurf' of the Christian community."
(Jan. 29, 2011, Dominique McPherson, Dominique Chanel Edition)

The Helen Mirren of trees

2011-10-14T07:25:00.000-07:00

"The tree didn’t grow leaves or anything, it just sprouted these gorgeous lavender blossoms all over the grey, rotten-looking wood. I thought it was stunning. It’s like the Helen Mirren of trees. It’s not trying to hide its age; just managing to look amazing in spite (and moreover, because) of it."
(May 11, 2011, Elizabeth Newlin, Real Estate Tangent)