Friday, February 4, 2011

The Matt Damon of stripper poles

"I'm the Matt Damon of Stripper Poles
I made the mistake of watching The Departed again recently and so now when I walk around the apartment mumbling to myself, which is pretty much every second of my life, I'm saying everything in a badly overdone Boston accent and I'm calling everything 'a qweah' or 'retahded' and that is not only insensitive but also annoying because maybe the front door has gay feelings but was trying to sort them out and that's why it got stuck and not because it is being beligerent. I don't know what the door's problem was, but I called it 'a qweah lace curtain motherEffer' anyway(s), and that was totally not nice and also I'm not even sure what that means because if I had to hump your mom and there were lace curtains up, I would think that she was being very thoughtful and fancy and that maybe I should be wearing a monocle as I violated her. Because that's the kind of gentle, thoughtful lover I am."
(June 25, 2009, The Monster Apathy)

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