Friday, December 31, 2010

The Sarah Jessica Parker of NBA owners

"…I am just thinking that he is the Sarah Jessica Parker of NBA owners – everyone thinks he is hot stuff but in reality he looks like a foot."
(Aug. 6, 2010, Bleed Cubbie Blue)

Thursday, December 30, 2010

The Commissioner Gordon of nannies

"Nanny 911 -- 2nd Season -- If 'Supernanny' is like Batman, then this must be the Commissioner Gordon of Nannies...sorry...I got nothing to say about this show. It just takes up space."
(May 19, 2005, Fenster's Toccata and Fugue)

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

The Kate Bush of scarecrows

"It was a better business proposition than the one I was working on, creating custom scarecrows. I was trying to educate the public in the kind of scarecrows they really needed but people were slow to catch on and sales were down. Looking back, I think I was the Kate Bush of scarecrows and way ahead of my time.There simply wasn't the demand for scarecrows dressed in petticoats, stockings and high heels back then."
(Oct. 5, 2008, Sarah Toa, A Wine Dark Sea)

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

The Robert Parish of Delta employees

"WHY IS HE NOT REACTING? This dude is the Robert Parrish of Delta employees. React! React! YOU ARE ALIVE, MAN."
(
Dec. 28, 2010, Chuck Klosterman, Twitter)

The Mitt Romney of e-readers

"The two e-readers have different personalities. Amazon's Kindle is like the Mitt Romney of e-readers (dull and bookish, but also reliable and high class), while the iPad is more like Sarah Palin (playful, populist, and the one you would feel more comfortable asking for directions when you get lost)."
(Oct. 14, 2010, Sean O'Neill, Budget Travel)

Monday, December 27, 2010

The Gary Larson of the 19th century

"One of my favorite dead people is Mark Twain. He was the Gary Larson of the 19th century, but on steroids."
(Feb. 3, 2010, My Favorite Dead People Speak)

Sunday, December 26, 2010

The Joan Jett of chocolate cake

"I am the Joan Jett of Chocolate Cake"
(April 13, 2010, AnnaVeda Blog)

Saturday, December 25, 2010

The Rudy Huxtable of the Enterprise

"The picture didn't give it away? Wesley Crusher, man! Everybody's favorite fuckup from Star Trek: The Next Generation! Wheaton's character existed primarily to get into some shit and learn a valuable lesson and occasionally save the day with some science project from school, making him the Rudy Huxtable of the Enterprise."
(June 28, 2010, Twit of the Week)

Friday, December 24, 2010

The Willie Nelson of pin-up girls

"They’re kind of like… the Willie Nelson of pin-up girls!"
(Oct. 23, 2009, The News PK)

Thursday, December 23, 2010

The Michael Phelps of meddling

"Well my mother is a shrewd lady. I guess you learn a lot about people when you are the Michael Phelps of meddling, but this is what she said that day:
'Watch, that’s going to be the girl you marry.'"
(Dec. 10, 2010, When a Girl Writes Off the World)

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

The Cher of cartoonish action-comedies

"Popular culture consumers are a generous and forgetful bunch. Something can disappear, then come back the same but different, and it'll seem like it never left. Certain entertainers, like Cher, have that kind of crowd-pleasing durability. So, too, does the 'Rush Hour' franchise. These movies are the Cher of cartoonish action-comedies: hard to embarrass and probably not biodegradable."
(June 30, 2009, Online Movies)

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

The James Bond of the duck world

"The gadwall is the James Bond of the duck world. Slim, charming and sophisticated, they are also particular about where they dine and where they like to make love. The preferred choice seemed to be Russia, until now."
(Oct. 15, 2008, Kate Horsfall, The RSPB)

Monday, December 20, 2010

The Dexter of Who-ville

"When the heat becomes unbearable and you’re stuck in traffic listening to Jazz 91.9 FM (the jazz of the city!), just yank on the handy cord and the bag will release a freezing wintry mix on your head and the heads of your passengers. Just like if you teleported to the North Pole for a second. Or a snowman teleported into your car, but he’s dying. As you can see above, I’ve illustrated the car with drops of water and ice raining down on the interior of the car, but it looks more like the Who-ville cops have located our serial killing Who and are about to ram him with their car. Maybe he’s like the Dexter of Who-ville. Look out, ethical murderer Who! They found the bodies you hid at the base of Mount Crumpit!"
(Aug. 27, 2019, Jason Mallory, Scene Missing)

Sunday, December 19, 2010

The Kenneth Branagh of asshole bosses

"My absolute favorite part of the first episode, however, was the scene in which the FBI agent meets with his boss. The boss is an asshole. That's the spoiler part. The asshole boss is a cherished trope of television shows everywhere. Only time will tell if this guy (I don't know if he has a name yet) will live up to the standards set by George Mason, but I see a lot of promise in him. In Shakespearean theatre, all the roles have been done so many times before, and by so many great actors. And yet each new generation takes on those roles, trying to carve out their own place in the history of Shakespeare. I imagine it's much the same in the little world of asshole boss acting. We, the television audience have heard 'You're out of line!' shouted with fingers pointed and spittle flying, but I think this guy is going to put his own unique brand of assholery on display here. He's like the Kenneth Branagh of asshole bosses. I've got a good feeling about him."
(Feb. 27, 2009, Livejournal)

Saturday, December 18, 2010

The Serena Van Der Woodsen of the zombie apocalypse

"I don't like Rick. I find him smug and self-righteous, and his tunnel vision is frustrating. But that's also because I find his wife worthless and his son useless; I care far more about the other supporting characters. I agree with Otherguy that he's more lucky than actually skilled at leading others. He's like the Serena Van der Woodsen of the Zombie Apocalypse -- good things just happen to him, and when they don't, well there's others to bail him out."
(Nov. 29, 2010, "The Walking Dead," Television Without Pity)

Friday, December 17, 2010

The Che Guevara of condiments

"If Miracle Whip Is Rebellious to You, You May Be a Douche Bag
Ad Holds Up Sandwich Spread as the Che Guevara of Condiments"
(Oct. 26, 2009, Bob Garfield, Advertising Age)

Thursday, December 16, 2010

The Lorne Michaels of parking

"The owner of the lot, who has run it for 21 years, is like the Lorne Michaels of Parking, if Lorne wore shorts. He sees his staff come and go, and get carried away in their righteous crusade against bad parkers until they burn out. 'It’s only a parking lot,' he keeps reminding them. The Parking Lot Movie is a slice of Zen heaven, a tiny perfect movie shot in a single location. And though the lot is like an open air man cave, the filmmaker is a woman, Meghan Eckman, who directs it with rock’n'roll brio."
(April 29, 2010, Brian D. Johnson, MacLean's)

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

The Giselle of seductive lesbian high school coaches

"Overall: B, but only because we’re emphasizing looks here. And Jennifer is the Giselle of seductive lesbian high school coaches."
(April 16, 2009, Jerry Thorton, Barstool Sports Boston)

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

The Strawberry Shortcake of cognitive dissonance

"I would like to be the Reggie Jackson of cognitive dissonance. No, wait, the Strawberry Shortcake of cognitive dissonance. No, wait, the Bo Diddly of cognitive dissonance. No, wait, …"
(Jan. 5, 2010, Wonkette)

Monday, December 13, 2010

The Bob Costas of fetal movement broadcasting

"Thomas was equally excited about her movement. As soon as I said she was moving, he put his hand on my tummy :) Unfortunately, I’m the only one that will be able to feel her for the next month or so. So I’ll just have to perfect my play-by-play for everyone. I’ll be the Bob Costas of fetal movement broadcasting. Or someone less creepy."
(March 10, 2010, The Little Baby Blog)

Sunday, December 12, 2010

The Sonic the Hedgehog of the operatic stage

"A: I don't know, tho. I still find Trebs' the more distinctive inspired voice
3:15 PM

J: yes I agree

J: I like his energy a lot

J: I really did enjoy him live

J: cute compact little Mexican wonder

A: he's like the Sonic the Hedgehog of the operatic stage

J: excellent comparison!
A: Marullo!

A: Can't you get me off?

A: Just this once?"

(Dec. 17, 2005,
Wellsung)

Saturday, December 11, 2010

The Han Solo of bullshit

"In Which I Become The Han Solo Of Bullshit"
(Oct. 13, 2010, Sounds Like Work--Adam Brady)

Friday, December 10, 2010

The Led Zeppelin of sensitive screenwriters

"And the 500 Days Of Summer soundtrack is decent. Any more than decent? Well, let’s discuss. Of course there is literally nothing more predictable for an angst-infused indie twenty-something rom com than a couple bonding over The Smiths. But that’s because The Smiths are amazing. They’re the Led Zeppelin of sensitive screenwriters. A fairly mainstream Fox Searchlight soundtrack album with two Smiths songs on it does feel a little like someone’s made a trendy T-shirt out of Picasso’s Guernica, but, you know, it’s the movie business. Raping and pillaging higher art is what Hollywood is all about, God love it."
(July 16, 2009, Chris Neilan, Movie Moron)

Thursday, December 9, 2010

The Popeye of the Christian blog world

"scot mcknight’s jesus creed. it helps that i’ve gotten to know scot, and think he’s a really good guy. but his is certainly the blog that most consistently makes me think and leads me to new learning. of course, jesus creed has also become the popeye of the christian blog world, with incoming links from 1000 blogs."
(Jan. 3, 2007, Mark Oestreicher, whyismarko)

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

The Bruce Willis of baby feeding

"Thank goodness for my husband, the Bruce Willis of baby feeding, guarding over the carpets and wall coverings of the world."
(Oct. 10, 2010, MummySquared)

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

The Loki of the Huxtable family

"This is a favorite of mine. His name alone is enough to illicit images of a superhero flying in on a giant cross. He is the Patron of both procrastinators and speedy results, presumably because the procrastinators held off selecting a Patron of their own and just copied off the other guy’s paper. This guy was likely a early frontrunner for 'Most Revered Patron' due to his similarities to Mercury/Hermes/The Flash. He’s also associated with African messenger-trickster spirits, which makes him the Loki of the Huxtable family."
(April 9, 2010, Monkey Butlers)

Monday, December 6, 2010

The Roger Clemens of seagulls

"I had to get a shot of this bird, the Roger Clemens of seagulls. All puffed up to frighten us away, he could almost feed our family at Thanksgiving! We laugh at the little sea birds, who run from the tide, then back again to catch a nibble."
(Aug. 20, 2010, Jellybeanie)

Sunday, December 5, 2010

The Michael J. Fox of Canadian rappers

"He is the Michael J Fox of Canadian rappers."
(July 31, 2009, Admit it; You like it)

Saturday, December 4, 2010

The Robert Mapplethorpe of American knitting

"I bring this up because Ms. Marks, you know, left our yarn circle two years ago. Apparently, she did not have time for our group any more; not in her quest to become the Robert Mapplethorpe of American knitting. Some of her friends are still here and I thank you for staying with us. At the same time, Ms. Mark’s move to her own knitting studio shows that there may be some unspoken limits to our knitting club."
(March 30, 2006, Double Hamster on the Rocks)

Friday, December 3, 2010

The Milla Jovovich of states

"My least favorite terrain in these United States belongs in Oklahoma. Its flat. Incredibly flat. Oklahoma is the Milla Jovovich of states. FLAT. I contend that the entire state resides on a single hill of about three feet in height. Oklahoma City resides on the 'pinnacle' of the hill and can be seen almost as soon as you enter the state and constantly looms on the horizon like some eternal taunt. Damn you founders of Oklahoma. After leaving Oklahoma City it’s image continues to loom within your rear view mirror as a constant reminder that you are in Oklahoma. Oklahoma City itself is quite nice from what I remember. I doubt I’ll ever return."
(March 14, 2010, Joe Little, Niassne)

Thursday, December 2, 2010

The Taylor Swift of funny golf videos

"Sure, the Ben Crane workout video was the random Miley Cyrus song you secretly sing in your car, but Bubba has always been the Taylor Swift of funny golf videos, putting out jam after jam. In Bubba’s case, he just put out eight jams in a row."
(Nov. 1, 2010, Chris Chaney, Playing from the Wrong Fairway)

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

The Dilbert of ancient China

"In some ways, you could view the Dao De Jing as the Dilbert of ancient China…"
(Nov. 18, 2009, The Way of the Consultant)

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

The Tommy Lee Jones of browsers

"Chrome is the Tommy Lee Jones of browsers. Effective hero, yes. But does the guy ever get kissed by the leading lady?"
(Sept. 3, 2010, Alexis Kayhill, Mac360)

Monday, November 29, 2010

The McLovin of halftime performances

"What’s weird about Nipplegate is the way it obscured our memory of the remaining, fairly impressive slew of musicians. It was like the McLovin’ of Halftime performances."
(Jan. 31, 2008, Kenny Herzog, Topless Robot)

Sunday, November 28, 2010

The Natalie Portman of Israeli politics

"Here's a fun fact: Ariel Sharon's birth name was actually Ariel Scheinermann. So that means that even in Israel, celebrities change their names to sound less Jewy. He was the Natalie Portman of Israeli politics. Well, is. See? I still forget."
(June 18, 2009, Bloggin' with Mr. Cooper)

Saturday, November 27, 2010

The Salma Hayek of math teachers

"Mrs. Westlake is like the Salma Hayek of math teachers!"
(Nov. 10, 2008, Good Days and Special Times)

Friday, November 26, 2010

The Tom Brady of collecting belly button lint

"Oh, sure. Go ahead and mock this guy. But he’s the best in the world at what he does. The BEST. In the WORLD. And how many people can say that? He’s the Tom Brady of collecting belly button lint. What UB is to soft core porn or Dalton is to being a cooler, Barker is to bizarre, worthless, mentally unstable hobbies."
(Oct. 26, 2010, Jerry Thornton, Barstool Sports)

Thursday, November 25, 2010

The Christina Hendricks of spuds

"That said, if they fuck this one up, there will be consequences. Cloud Atlas is certainly in my top 10 for books, maybe in my top 5 (on a good day). I know that, in the past, I've threatened consequences for things like Harry Potter (ha!), The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, and the newer Pride and Prejudice (worst. movie. ever.). But that's small potatoes compared to this, the Christina Hendricks of spuds."
(June 17, 2010, Pajiba)

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

The Donald Duck of petty crimes

"So just how do you get arrested 154 times without going to jail for your whole life? Keep your offenses small. Baldwin’s been nicked in the past for eight trespass notices, 75 citations, having four Social Security aliases, as well as convictions for thefts, receiving stolen property, arson and criminal mischief. Baldwin is like the Donald Duck of petty crimes!"
(July 2, 2010, Ron Hogan, Popular Fidelity)

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

The Fredo of the Baldwin brothers

"I feel bad for the Fredo of the Baldwin brothers (Stephen?), he’s been in NOLA since the spill working and giving interviews…..'get your Hollywood asses and telethons down here!'…….nobody covers him but Fox."
(June 3, 2010, Newsbird's Views)

Monday, November 22, 2010

The Hemingway of dipshittery

"When we arrived at the house on the island, I was horrified to see that the entire place was tricked out with blindingly white carpet. It was the brightest white I’d ever seen, and I had visions of myself tromping in there like a big ol’ hick, with railroad grease all over my shoes, or something. Right away I was nervous. It was like a blank sheet of paper, and I was the Hemingway of dipshittery."
(Oct. 19, 2010, Surf Report)

Sunday, November 21, 2010

The Boy George of vital Calvinism

"If the latter, then as is so often the case, the turning point in American Presbyterian history is 1741 and the anointing of George Whitefield as the Boy George of vital Calvinism. Odd though that no one called that Episcopal priest Reformed."
(Dec. 1, 2009, Darryl G. Hart, Old Life)

Saturday, November 20, 2010

The Charles Manson of cereal mascots

"Crazy Craving the name says it all. It is the Charles Manson of cereal mascots."
(April 7, 2009, Topless Robot)

Friday, November 19, 2010

The Jesse Ventura of speckled trout

"The damn fish they brought me was enormous. Sucker must have been on steroids, the Jesse Ventura of speckled trout. Whooo boy, but good."
(Oct. 9, 2010, Maxminimus)

Thursday, November 18, 2010

The Charlie Sheen of Post-Impressionist painters

"Photographs of famed painter Henri Toulouse-Lautrec (the short guy who did all those posters for the Moulin Rouge) defecating on a public beach. He was the Charlie Sheen of Post-Impressionist painters. Depending on how squeamish you are about bathroom business, NSFW."
(Nov. 9, 2010, Y Not Share)

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

The Brad Pitt of the bird world

"On a side note, the Peregrine is apparently the most sought after bird to date, he is like the Brad Pitt of the bird world. If you are a female bird and you bring home a Peregrine Falcon for dinner, your dad will be mighty impressed. And I mean mighty impressed."
(Oct. 27, 2009, Newshound)

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

The Barney Fifes of ancient warriors

"Peltasts are the Barney Fife’s of ancient warriors; or perhaps they are Rodney Dangerfields. 'No respect,' he might lament and so might they. The most basic form of combat considered is the simple act of hitting somebody with your fist, and so perhaps the first actual form of long-range combat would be rock throwing. To some degree, throughout ancient history, that’s exactly what peltasts were – rock throwers."
(Nov. 29, 2009, Civilian Military Intelligence Group)

Monday, November 15, 2010

The Roman Polanski of crackhead fugitives

"Lindsay Lohan is like the Roman Polanski of crackhead fugitives"
(May 20, 2010, Celebitchy)

Sunday, November 14, 2010

The Jerry Garcia of the elementary school set

"David Grover, called 'the Jerry Garcia of the elementary school set,' has been compared to Mr. Rogers, Paul Simon and James Taylor with a bit of Kermit the Frog. From his roots performing for 20 years with Arlo Guthrie and Pete Seeger to original songs about peace, tolerance and taking care of the planet, Grover’s folky songs make him irresistible across the generations."
(Jan. 19, 2010, Tribeca Citizen)

Saturday, November 13, 2010

The Tim Gunn of sleeping

"My husband is a champion sleeper. He can fall asleep at 6 pm just as easily as if it were 11 pm. He can sleep on the couch in a weird contortion around the cats and the dog. He can sleep with his glasses on and his boots tied. He can sleep through earthquakes and car alarms and screeching wives.

He knows no obstacles. He is the MacGyver of sleeping.

(I almost said he was the Tim Gunn of sleeping. You know, because he makes it work no matter what. But then I thought I should go with something less... fancy.)"
(Aug. 10, 2010, Clever Girl Goes Blog)

Friday, November 12, 2010

The Lil Wayne of white chicks

"This babe is damn near the Lil Wayne of white chicks. I don’t think I’ve ever seen knee tattoos before. But wait there’s more."
(March 19, 2010, Us Versus Then)

Thursday, November 11, 2010

The Kenny McCormick of Lost

"And then just two hours later, Charlie has his moment of truth and faces it admirably. In his final moments, he stops the jamming signal and establishes communication with... Penny, Desmond's ex-girlfriend. The boat off the shore, thought to be hers, is confirmed as not by Penny herself. But before Charlie can give Desmond the info verbally, the window in the control room gets blown out by a suicide bombing one-eyed Russian named Mikhail (the Kenny McCormick of Lost). Charlie scribbles 'Not Penny's Boat' on his hand to warn Desmond and the other survivors that the boat people aren't who they say they are. And then he drowns."
(May 23, 2010, Words of the Weasel Sort)

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

The Meryl Streep of the porn community

"Awesome post. Love Faye. I think she’s the Meryl Streep of the porn community. She can actually act. I believe her every time she moans. Not to be too douchy but if anyone’s interested, they can see Faye’s unbelievable work for American Apparel here."
(Oct. 8, 2010, The Beer Goggler)

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

The Keith Richards of welding

"I liked watching the guy weld something under a truck. Little skinny tattooed guy, never without a cigarette, really good at what he does.

The Keith Richards of welding."
(Aug. 19, 2010, Firedoglake)

Monday, November 8, 2010

The Woody Woodpecker of unhinged right-wingers

"Bullshit. He's an instigator. He's the Woody Woodpecker of unhinged right-wingers."
(Oct 12, 2010, The Straight Dope)

Sunday, November 7, 2010

The Kate Bosworth of shoulder pads

"If velvet's not your scene, epaulets provide an equally up-to-the-minute embellishment. They're like the Kate Bosworth of shoulder pads: kind of frail and spindly, but not unattractive. Am I right? Am I right?"
(Nov. 18, 2009, Emma Aubry Roberts, La Vie en Ginger)

Saturday, November 6, 2010

The Wilma Flintstone of the modern day technological world

"Well then, I finally made it into the 21st Century and purchased my very first cell phone. I know, I am the Wilma Flintstone of the modern day technological world, and for someone who loves tech stuff and gadgets, I am certain this comes as a suprise! But hey, everyone has one, and I don’t like to chat on the phone much. Yet, I am so active, and I love to keep in touch with family and friends. Not to mention my big brother keeps telling me it’s not safe traveling around these days without a cell phone… sheesh!"
(June 22, 2010, This Virtual World)

Friday, November 5, 2010

The Malcolm Gladwell of dating sites

"If our SmartPhones are any indication, Gen Y/Myspace/millennial/whatevers love knowing shit, or at least thinking we know shit, and breaking dating down into a series of charts and graphs is right up our alley. OkCupid is the Malcolm Gladwell of dating sites, simplifying a seemingly complex world into a series of cocktail-party-ready stats."
(Aug. 11, 2010, Anna North, Jezebel)

Thursday, November 4, 2010

The Britney Spears of trendy comfort food

"Fried chicken is like the Britney Spears of trendy comfort food. People have indulged in it in secret in past times because of the negative stereotypes that have been attached to it. But in very recent times, people have come to embrace it openly because of its uncontainable, undeniable goodness. Thankfully, fried chicken and Britney Spears are not bitter. They welcome appreciation from even those who belittled them before they gained mainstream respect."
(March 30, 2010, The High-heeled Contessa)

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

The Vanilla Ice of murderers

"The Worst Murderer: O.J. Simpson. He's like the Vanilla Ice of murderers. He did something BIG over ten years ago and he's still riding on the coattails of his previous misdemeanor. What a loser."
(Jan. 5, 2009, Jacob Reviews Anything)

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

The Dave Barry of the Irish dance world

"Zebadiah and Beauregard’s Front Porch – ZandB is my favorite Irish dance satirist. He is the Dave Barry of the Irish dance world. He is also a close personal friend, but believe it or not, I knew his blog before I knew him in person… and one of his posts triggered an incident two years ago which revealed to me the identity of this talented writer’s pseudonym. Since then, our families have enjoyed much fun together and have become lifelong friends."
(Feb. 3, 2008, MegaMAID's Parenting Parables)

Monday, November 1, 2010

The Humphrey Bogart of rabbits

"Petey has a very strong personality - we call him the Humphrey Bogart of rabbits! He is very attached to his foster mom and jumps in her lap (repeatedly!!) to get attention!"
(July 19, 2008, Huntsville Friends of Rabbits)

Sunday, October 31, 2010

The Seth Rogen of the retail industry

"But why? With the steady drumbeat of gloom and doom dominating headlines and cable news channels, Americans needed a distraction, and a laughable one at that. Think of the Snuggie as the Seth Rogen of the retail industry: an unattractive but lovable loser who ends up with the girl."
(July 4, 2010, Jason Jack's Portfolio)

Saturday, October 30, 2010

The Thor of baseball

"Albert Pujols is like the Thor of baseball"
(Aug. 22, 2010, Viva El Birdos)

Friday, October 29, 2010

The Judas Iscariot of custards

"I know the word 'frugal' has been mentioned on this blog. That is definitely a primary value of mine, but not on Easter (or Christmas or Saturday mornings.) Lemon curd contains warehouses full of eggs and butter, isn’t eaten for nutritional value, and is, in fact, quite sinful. The Judas Iscariot of custards."
(April 11, 2009, In Praise of Leftovers)

Thursday, October 28, 2010

The Juliette Lewis of programming languages

"Objective-C is the Juliette Lewis of programming languages: weird-looking but still, y'know, kinda sexy."
(May 22, 2009, Jen Oslislo, Twitter)

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

The Helen Mirren of punctuation

"Get yourself a copy of 'Eats, Shoots, and Leaves'. I think author Lynne Truss is the Helen Mirren of punctuation. I’m not sure what that means, but it’s good."
(Sept. 24, 2010, Stephanie Moulton Sarkis)

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

The Smokey the Bear of soup in toilets

"And I’ll be the Smokey the Bear of soup in toilets from now on:

Remember, only YOU can prevent soup from going in toilets."
(Sept. 16, 2006, Carol Browne)

Monday, October 25, 2010

The Karen Carpenter of Psalms

"I read psalm 88 and psalm 89 this morning. These two back-to-back psalms seem like Danny Devito and Arnold Swartzenegger in the movie Twins. Scholars think they are connected but it is hard to tell by just reading them. Psalm 88 is dark and depressing. God is far off and the writer sounds almost suicidal as he proclaims, 'darkness is my closest friend.' Psalm 88 sounds more like a Metallica ballad than scripture. By contrast, Psalm 89 is perky and praisey. It is the Karen Carpenter of Psalms - syrupy sweet and filled to the rim with flowery phrases of deity and doctrine. Both are difficult to swallow."
(March 18, 2010, Holy Smoke)

Sunday, October 24, 2010

The Jerry Rice of flight attendants

"Randy Lauson is without question the best flight attendant I’ve ever seen. He is without peer. He is the Jerry Rice of flight attendants, the Lawrence Olivier, the Justin Bieber (I kid, I kid)."
(April 27, 2010, Jay Baer, Convince & Convert)

Saturday, October 23, 2010

The Richard III of fictional police officers

"Iles primarily seems intent on preserving the criminal status quo and protecting a young prostitute whom he patronizes. 'Pay Days' is filled with intrigues, shifting loyalties and action. However, it is the droll, offbeat dialogue and extraordinary characterizations that make this novel stand out. The Machiavellian Iles -- the Richard III of fictional police officers -- is a remarkable person to watch and hear. Iles despises most people, 'many for being undifferent from themselves.' He spends much of the novel protecting and undermining his own superior, Chief Lane, whom he praises in oxymoron: 'His soul I prize and his future I know will be hallowed and banal.’ Iles teeters on the edge of violence, culminating in a fine performance on the occasion of a fellow officer’s funeral."
(Aug. 24, 2010, Doug Levin, Levin at Large)

Friday, October 22, 2010

The Albert Pujols of having problems

"When you're pitching a perfect game, you don't walk Albert Pujols, and you are the Albert Pujols of having problems."
(Oct. 21, 2010, Jack Donaghy, "Reaganing," 30 Rock)

The Luke Skywalker of making out

"I caught on to kissin' pretty quick though. I was the Luke Skywalker of making out. By the end of my senior year I was bullseyein' fat chicks resembling womp rats no wider than two meters. That's a little private joke between me and everyone else who isn't getting laid tonight."
(Aug. 29, 2010, Almost Standing)

Thursday, October 21, 2010

The Sharon Stone of sandwich consumption

"MENACING. And apparently 'sexy' too, which basically makes Mischa Barton the Sharon Stone of sandwich consumption. Seriously, how can you say no to that? Oh wait, I forgot."
(Feb. 9, 2010, Michael Seth Novick, Nobody Puts Baby in a Horner)

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

The Dr. Evil of vibrators

"If the Hitachi Magic Wand is the Dr. Evil of vibrators (but in a good way), then I proclaim the Acuvibe Mini its loveable Mini-Me."
(May 16, 2009, Rosemary's Red Box)

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

The Diane Lane of mall art gallery cashiers

"WOMEN...actually, this only happened once, but I thought that if I just put 'WOMAN' for this heading, I'd sound like Animal from 'The Muppets'. So when I was in college, there was an art gallery at the local mall(because that's the OBVIOUS place for a fine art gallery). And one day I was at the mall by myself, and wandered in there to look around. As I turned to leave, I saw her. And she was magnificent. Striking. Stunning. I'll put it this way....if Diane Lane was wearing 1994 clothing, and working in an art gallery in a mall, this would have been comparable. This girl was the Diane Lane of mall art gallery cashiers."
(June 5, 2008, Min Mith Jesus)

Monday, October 18, 2010

The Vanilla Ice of the ninja world

"You know what? FUCK nunchuks. They’re common as shit but everyone thinks they’re 'cool'. They’re like the Vanilla Ice of the ninja world. (Tong fa are Ice Fucking Cube, okay?)"
(Aug. 23, 2010, Then Fuck You, Jack)

Sunday, October 17, 2010

The Peyton Manning of neuro-oncology

"Dr. Karen Fink, neuro-oncologist – Dr. Fink is the quarterback for my team, and she happens to be the Peyton Manning of neuro-oncology. Please pray for her as she monitors my treatment and vitals through all of this. Pray for her wisdom and insight."
(Dec. 26, 2009, B.C. McWhite, The Weight of Glory)

Saturday, October 16, 2010

The Chewbacca of towels

"16x16 Green monster is nice. Talk about plush . . . . . that is like the chewbacca of towels LoL."
(May 11, 2010, Detailing Bliss Forum)

Friday, October 15, 2010

The Michael Caine of radio friendly pop

"Damn, Mr. Paul Carrack is like the Michael Caine of radio friendly pop."
(July 6, 2010, I Fry Mine in Butter)

Thursday, October 14, 2010

The Unabomber of pubic hair

"Knock of the wierd anti-grooming crusade. You're the unabomber of pubic hair."
(March 10, 2010, Althouse)

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

The Anthony Hopkins of puking

"It was a waiting game. I had the sweats, I had the look and now I just had to wait until the camp supervisor came looking for me, after I didn’t show up for supper. I must have waited about an hour in that cubicle. Suddenly, I heard footsteps in the distance and immediately started to dry-reach. Coughing and spluttering wouldn’t get me out of there. It would just get me sympathy from all of the other teenagers at the camp, looking for 'brownie points' from the supervisors. Vomiting was the only way out. I heaved. I chucked. I hurled. For that few minutes, as the supervisor entered the bathroom, calling my name, I was the Anthony Hopkins of puking. My audience, though limited to a single, na├»ve person, was very receptive and called my mother to come and collect me immediately."
(Sept. 16, 2009, Peter Taggart, On the Verge of Compassion)

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

The James Brown of chlorine

"I have the hardest working chlorine in show business...the James Brown of chlorine."
(July 19, 2010, Trouble Free Pool)

Monday, October 11, 2010

The Rosa Parks of hooker massages

"Right, you're the Rosa Parks of hooker massages."
(Oct. 11, 2010, Wilson, House)

The Woodward and Bernstein of athlete dong

"'We are reviewing the matter,' said league spokesman Greg Aiello. We are the Woodward and Bernstein of athlete dong."
(Oct. 8, 2010, Barry Petchesky, Deadspin)

Sunday, October 10, 2010

The Drew Barrymore of men

"There's a rumor afloat that Robert Downey Jr., the Drew Barrymore of men, will be playing the Wizard of Oz in a new prequel to be directed by rumpled Briton Sam Mendes. It would be something of an origin story, describing how a mild-mannered Kansas-area homosexual ended up floating in a balloon all the way to the Emerald City. Sounds vaguely promising, right? The only thing we're concerned about is that it's being written by the dude who wrote The Whole Nine Yards. That movie was cute and all, but, y'know. Anyway. Prequels!"
(April 21, 2010, Richard Lawson, Gawker)

Saturday, October 9, 2010

The Joe Camel of early adolescent sexuality

"Victoria's Secret contends that its younger line, with accompanying stuffed-dog mascot, was designed for the college set. But the Chicago Tribune recently explored Pink's appeal among 'tweeners' -- the newly created (and lucrative) consumer market that falls in early adolescence. Are "extreme low-rise v-string" panties the gateway drug to peekaboo thongs and push-up bustiers, or are they something even more disturbing? Regardless of what Victoria's Secret considers its target audience, the Pink line just may be the Joe Camel of early adolescent sexuality -- an adult industry using childlike imagery to drum up interest."
(Feb. 17, 2006, Fae Goodman, Alternet)

Friday, October 8, 2010

The Lucy Van Pelt of late-period Ray Charles albums

"At least Would You Believe? and Strong Love Affair afford the listener the luxury of tuning out early — My World is like the Lucy Van Pelt of late-period Ray Charles albums, repeatedly promising to quit fucking around and get down to business, only to yank the football away at the last minute and leave you flat on your back, howling in pain and listening to “Love Has a Mind of Its Own.”"
(Feb. 25, 2010, Jeff Giles, Popdose)

Thursday, October 7, 2010

The Mr. T of head cold-curing drams

"When you’ve tried everything, when gargling hot salt water just doesn’t seem to work anymore, when it feels like there’s an unruly pig setting up residence in your sinuses and holding frat parties, then there’s only one whisky to help you. Lagavulin 12yo: the ‘Mr T’ of head cold-curing drams. Its like drinking a smoothie concocted of engine oil, seaweed and salt n vinegar crisps. A veritable peat bog of flavour lays siege to the gunk fortress in your nose while the immense alcohol quietly rounds up all germs and has them unfussily shot in the back of the head. Its a winer and definitely my choice of whisky if I have a cold. Sadly, as was established at the start of this post, I don’t got not whisky here. So if anyone is passing through this particular vicinity of Souther France before Saturday and finds themselves overburdened with any of the above drams then… you know what to do."
(Sept. 21, 2010, Whisky Online Blog)

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

The Spartacus of ducks

"I had spent many hours (or possibly seconds), researching the ducks. We had walked by the pens where the anxious competitors were assembled, waiting the big moment when the gates would be opened and the bill-gnashing free-for-all on the river would commence. I had peered into their little black eyes -- the eyes of the ones that weren't wearing sunglasses or pirate eye-patches, anyway -- and had seen the fever of competitiveness there. But in one duck I had seen more. I had seen something there that made me say to myself, 'Self, this duck has what it takes. This is the Spartacus of ducks; this is the Alexander of ducks; this is the Donald Trump and Donald Duck of ducks all rolled into one!'"
(July 27, 2010, C. Patrick Neagle, Goblinbrook)

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

The Dr. House of alien visitors

"I'm not sure if he really qualifies as a superhero, but I'd like to mention Howard the Duck. Awful, awful movie. Great, great comics. Howard was the Dr. House of alien visitors."
(Sept. 26, 2010, Bad Astronomy and Universe Today Forum)

Monday, October 4, 2010

The Chairman Mao of daytime television

"When I was 16, I got pissed off at Martha Stewart for making Rice Crispie Treats. I thought Oprah was far more hardcore.

Times change. Oprah has ruined literary marketing forever. Dare I say, she's the Chairman Mao of daytime television."
(Dec. 13, 2006, A World of Fragments)

Sunday, October 3, 2010

The Shakira of pizza

"I ate their pizza. I came to one simple conclusion. Their pizza was so astonishing and singular, that either no one else should be allowed to use the term 'pizza' again, or Garibaldi's needs to call theirs something else.

Garibaldi's is the Shakira of pizza. Her unforced, smoldering sexiness, her uindenialable talent."
(March 19, 2006, Mike Martineau, Confessions of a Nice Guy)

Saturday, October 2, 2010

The Neil Diamond of the toilet

"That guy is the Neil Diamond of the toilet. Yeah that is classified as one cuss word."
(Nov. 29, 2007, Gettin Whiskey with White Chocolate)

Thursday, September 30, 2010

The Eric Cartman of lame duck Republican senators

"The Eric Cartman of lame duck republican senators is continuing to petulantly pitch a fit and is escalating his rhetoric."
(Feb. 10, 2010, Michael Bersin, Show Me Progress)

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

The Snoopy of the X-Men

"I never really fell in love with Wolverine. I mean, I liked him, but he was like the Snoopy of the X-Men -- the minor character who got so popular he took over the whole franchise. I secretly enjoyed it when Magneto would take control of his metal-laced skeleton and crumple him into a little ball, then squeeze the adamantium out of him like squeezing juice out of a lime. How'd'ya like that, bub!"
(May 14, 2009, Lev Grossman, Techland)

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

The LeBron James of worldwide military forces

"The United States Armed Forces is clearly the 'LeBron James' of worldwide military forces. LeBron made an interesting and debatable decision recently. He chose to give up a considerable amount of money to team up with two of the strongest, most talented players in the NBA."
(Aug. 5, 2010, Brad Tusing, Spacesaver)

Monday, September 27, 2010

The Veronica Mars of infielders

"11. Mark Teahan, 3B, Royals -- The Veronica Mars of infielders, who would be a star if he didn’t play on baseball’s equivalent of the CW. He had a great run last season before surgery ended his season, and he’s got a good chance for 25 dingers and 90+ RBIs."
(March 27, 2007, Circle Jerk at the Square Dance)

Sunday, September 26, 2010

The Rosa Parks of boobies

"It seems to me that if a man can walk down the sidewalk without a shirt on and not get arrested, a woman should be able to also. I don't think you can have laws that discriminate based on gender in America. If I were a woman, I would do it and become the Rosa Parks of boobies."
(Aug. 28, 2010, digg.com)

Saturday, September 25, 2010

The Ricky Bobby of masculine sales pitches

"This ad’s the Ricky Bobby of masculine sales pitches. Taken at face value, its character and attitudes are offensive, but you don’t have to look too hard to realize the ad makes fun of everything it supposedly endorses. From the absurd sailboat picture to the telepathically-induced fire to the use of Bruce Campbell himself, the whole piece is a send-up of macho advertising. Put another way, Old Spice is asking men to identify with a campaign laughing at ads like the Man laws."
(Feb. 3, 2007, PAB)

Friday, September 24, 2010

The Laurence Olivier of Jamaican drug overlords

"When Basil Wallace stepped on screen as crazy rasta 'Screwface', my life was forever altered. Here was a villain not to be fucked with – a bug-eyed scenery masticator in the glorious tradition of old. The misguided fools in Hollywood may have proclaimed 'Marked for Death' a Steven Seagal picture, but it was the Basil Wallace show every inch of the way. Shining ten times brighter than any other actor on screen, Basil was incandescent as Seagal's counterpart. In short, he was the Laurence Olivier of Jamaican drug overlords."
(Ja. 30, 2008, David Bussell, Blog Tired)

Thursday, September 23, 2010

The Michael Ian Black of Facebook status updates

"AMELIA X: My Facebook friend. Not sure how I know her. Through Megan, I think. Hands down, the funniest writer of Facebook status updates. The Michael Ian Black of Facebook status updates. Often 'shares' TNB pieces."
(Feb. 18, 2010, Greg Olear, The Nervous Breakdown)

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

The Alec Baldwin of melted sandwich cheese

"Provolone is the Alec Baldwin of melted sandwich cheese. Mozzarella is just Bill Pullman or Paxton, whichever."
(March 4, 2009, The Baltimore Sun)

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

The Optimus Prime of lunch bags

"The '5G of lunch bags' looks more like the Optimus Prime of lunch bags. There was nothing wrong with your set up in the first place. I’d use that old yellow bag until the handles disintegrated in my hands."
(Aug. 26, 2010, DavisW's Blog)

Monday, September 20, 2010

The Justin Timberlake of plagues

"At this point you’re probably wondering what plague would be popular enough to go solo and have it’s own merchandising. You know, which one would be the 'Justin Timberlake' of plagues? Well…"
(March 27, 2010, Project Absurd)

Sunday, September 19, 2010

The Uma Thurman of Boggle

"I lost big time at boggle. If I remember the score correctly - choo:91, dan:90, me:33. I am not giving up, though. I am going to hone my skills by practicing day and night. I am going to be the Uma Thurman of Boggle."
(Feb. 11, 2005, Wisdom Teeth Says)

Saturday, September 18, 2010

The John C. Reilly of cruciferous vegetables

"The John C. Reilly of cruciferous vegetables, chard falls between its better-known siblings, spinach and beets. Like Reilly, chard often plays a supporting role to starring ingredients such as tofu or exotic miniature chickens. Unlike Reilly, it comes in a variety of colors."
(Jan. 27, 2009, Terministic Screen)

Friday, September 17, 2010

The David Mamet of Top Chef

"Things go along much as they have for the last episodes. Amanda runs screaming and bewildered around the kitchen, beset by technical difficulties—or more accurately, plagued by her misuse of common kitchen machinery and blaming it on the machines. (No wonder someday they will rebel.) Kenny reiterates his beastliness. The eyebrows of Ed Cotton and the eyebrows of Kevin of New Jersey/Philly/New York get into a wriggling fight until they collapse into a furrowed brow of exhaustion. The only difference—and it is not really all that different—is Angelo Sosa's increased assistance to competitors like Bobby from King of the Hill he deems weak. Sosa is the David Mamet of Top Chef, a constantly scheming con man fueled by ambition and blind rage that he was made a cuckold by the unbearably smug Queens native Eddie Cotton."
(July 22, 2010, Joshua David Stein, Gawker)

Thursday, September 16, 2010

The Satan of home design shows

"I like her, but 'Bang for Your Buck' is the Satan of home design shows, encouraging home owners to make their homes look totally identical, average, and soulless. Monica has become a big proponent of granite islands, stainless appliances, his-and-her sinks, and all that is wrong with America. She once took points off a kitchen for being 'too mid-century modern'--but it was in a totally MCM house, so no one who didn't love MCM would ever consider buying that house!! Ugh, I detest that show!"
(May 28, 2010, Apartment Therapy)

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

The J-Lo of breast implants

"I wonder who's the J-Lo of breast implants? Ivana Trump?"
(May 7, 2010, The Feminista Files)

The Kevin Nealon of subliminal sexual innuendo

"I tell you this, I wished I had known this face that’s always on the right side of my space flogginSnorgtees in my pre-married years. I seriously doubt a face like that would have ever allowed me into her space, but you can always dream. You catch that? I nude you wood. Whoever came up with the idea of trading faces to all kinds of different spaces is the Larry Flynt of cyber socializing – like Larry, someone took a lot of faces and showed their spaces. There it was again. I’m the Kevin Nealon of subliminal sexual innuendo. If you don’t get it, there is no need to jump out the window. So, I guess my face enjoys sharing space with other faces, because I seem to devote a lot of time to my space. Once you get started, collecting faces for your space is more addictive than masturbating. Seriously, who has only done it once?"
(Nov. 10, 2009, Jeremy Smith, This is Why it Sucks)

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

The Michael Phelps of boring phone conversations

"My father is the Michael Phelps of boring phone conversations."
(Sept. 13, 2010, Ben Brooks, Twitter)

The Tommy Lee of the varmint world

"For a while, tats had earned a new reputation as mainstream America embraced them as forms of personal expression. But quickly the tide is retreating because people who are being celebrated in the media are people like that idiotic dude covered in tats, pierces, wearing all black and vulgarity spewing every time he opens his mouth while he tries to catch some wild animal. He's like the Tommy Lee of the varmint world. Another example of this downward trend is that in-your-face tats are all the rage on competition cooking shows, like Top Chef. Top chef is so full of gay & lesbian chefs and chefs covered with 'badass' tats and piercings that they have become a distraction. A character or two with tats, or a character with a few tats? I can still in. But enough IS enough. Too many tats, piercings and angry, foul-mouthed outbursts and I'm out."
(May 24, 2010, Slashfood)

Monday, September 13, 2010

The Pepe Le Pew of the pagan gods

"And Odin may be a Cyclops, but he can see the future, something Zeus definitely cannot do. Zeus clearly has an inferiority complex which is why he is the Pepe Le Pew of the pagan gods. On top of everything, Merlin and Gandalf, two of the most powerful characters in all of literature, were based upon Odin. Zeus has nothing to match that legacy."
(Feb. 21, 2010, Jimmy Goodrich, Maybe-Pants.com)

Sunday, September 12, 2010

The Alex Trebek of sump pumps

"When did she become the Alex Trebek of sump pumps?"
(March 23, 2009, Teacherscribe)

Saturday, September 11, 2010

The Michael Jordan of cavity searches

"well i’m like the michael jordan of cavity searches so that might warrant a salary bump."
(June 11, 2010, Emptees)

Friday, September 10, 2010

The Cookie Monster of corporate wellness programs

"Zoe Finch Totten is being referred to as the Cookie Monster of corporate wellness programs. Her program, The Full Yield is aimed at cutting companies health-care costs through their employee’s stomachs."
(June 8, 2010, Nicole Stultz, Smaller Indiana)

Thursday, September 9, 2010

The Russ Meyer of family-friendly cartooning

"Much love to moms everywhere from Bil Keane — the Russ Meyer of family-friendly cartooning."
(May 9, 2010, The Weekly Meat)

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

The Richard Nixon of mistresses

"Here’s some comments from the GQ interview itself. These are representative. After combing through pages, no positive comments on Rielle Hunter were found.

Rielle Hunter seems to be the Richard Nixon of mistresses.

But that’s not an exact parallel: Nixon had his foreign policy admirers."
(April 7, 2010, DBKP)

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

The Larry David of homicidal maniacs

"Another movie I’ve been watching, an old favorite, is this Charles Bronson movie from the ‘70s called The Mechanic. He’s this lonely, aging hit man, and it’s got lots of scenes where he’s staring out the window with the neon light blinking in his face. He’s kind of like the Larry David of homicidal maniacs. If you’re wearing shorts on a plane next to him, he’s not just going to do a crotchety routine about it. He’s probably going to kill you."
(Aug. 10, 2010, Ben Reininga, Nerve)

Monday, September 6, 2010

The Octomom of chickens

"Mama again. And this time with Octuplets. Oh my, I’m the Octomom of chickens!

I have to remind myself just why I’m getting birds. Fresh eggs. Manure. Tick control. Yes! Yes! Yes!"
(March 18, 2010, Not Dabbling in Normal)

Sunday, September 5, 2010

The Veronica Corningstone of Fox Soccer Report

"If you are the Veronica Corningstone of Fox Soccer Report, who is the Ron Burgundy?"
(Aug. 27, 2010, Unprofessional Foul)

Saturday, September 4, 2010

The Cameron Diaz of constitutional analysis

"Lithwick's chatty style makes her fun to read as a gossip columnist, but she's the Cameron Diaz of constitutional analysis."
(Feb. 11, 2007, The Volokh Conspiracy)

Friday, September 3, 2010

The Harry Potter of books for old drunk people

"'Tip It!' Kathy concludes, 'is going to be the Harry Potter of books for old drunk people.'"
(July 2, 2010, Kathy Griffin, Orange County Register)

Thursday, September 2, 2010

The Bono of stapler selling

"In my new book THE LEADER WHO HAD NO TITLE: A MODERN FABLE ON REAL SUCCESS IN BUSINESS AND LIFE (in stores in late March), I distill everything I’ve learned about what it means to Lead Without a Title. Taxi drivers can lead. Teachers can lead. Farmers can lead. And once we all accept that call on our lives, the whole game will change. 'If everyone would only sweep their own doorstep, the whole world would be clean,' noted one of the greatest Leaders Without a Title, Mother Teresa. One of the core elements of the new book is the need for each of us to do our absolute best work – no matter where we are planted. You don’t have to be the CEO to make the commitment to becoming the best in the world at what you do. My encouragement is to become the Mick Jagger of The Mailroom, The Bono of Stapler Selling and The Warren Buffett of Bookkeeping. Wherever you find yourself, do your work like Picasso painted – and like Mozart composed. Few things make you happier than knowing you played at your peak."
(May 17, 2010, Robin Sharma, Klungiwewomenofintegrity’s Weblog)

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

The “The Dude” of the PGA

"I equate Fred Couples to the 'The Dude' of the PGA world so why wouldn’t he mooch off of his ex and her roommates? I could see him rinsing back Caucasians and walking around her place mumbling, 'the Dude abides…the Dude abides' then going out a winning a tourney later in the day."
(July 15, 2010, Bourne's Blog)

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

The Snooki of the British aristocracy

"With her booze-sniffing SCRAM anklet foiling alcohol ingestion, Lindsay Lohan 'has turned to caffeine for her latest kicks', slamming eight cans of Red Bull a day and chainsmoking cigarettes, tweeting 'red bulls and waters and work – my new bffs hehe'. LiLo’s other BFF is British reality flameout Lady Victoria Hervey (LaVi?) who will appear on season 2 of tragic Tinsley Mortimer vehicle High Society, with whom LiLo sunbathed over Memorial Day weekend. Basically, LiLo’s new best friend is the Snooki of the British aristocracy, and Lindsay will soon be the J-Woww of Hollywood. (If she isn’t already?)"
(June 2, 2010, Maureen O'Connor, Defamer)

Monday, August 30, 2010

The Hugh Hefner of divorce porn

"The Hugh Hefner of divorce porn is Elizabeth Gilbert, of course. She helped popularize the recent surge. Her 2006 memoir, 'Eat, Pray, Love,' uses her painful divorce at 32 as a starting point for an exuberant yearlong 'search for everything' across Italy, India and Indonesia, including lavish meals, romantic affairs and a happy ending in the arms of an exotic man (also divorced)."
(Aug. 27, 2010, Bruce Feiler, The New York Times)

The A-Rod of afterschool specials

"Student Confidential is very much like an after school special…on steroids. In fact, it I would call it the A-Rod of after school specials in how the makers of the film are trying to covey these messages in such an in your face way."
(Jan. 22, 2010, Paracinema)

Sunday, August 29, 2010

The Woody Allen of the solar system

"Is Pluto 'the Woody Allen of the solar system'?"
(Jan. 13, 2010, Jeff Baker, OregonLive.com)

Saturday, August 28, 2010

The Katharine Hepburn of flowering plants

"I think of bacopa as something like the Katherine Hepburn of flowering plants--tough as nails and always darned good looking. That's my take on bacopa!"
(Sept. 11, 2008, Mike Skillin, Skillin's Garden Log)

Friday, August 27, 2010

The Fidel Castro of office furniture

"Reviled by workers, demonized by designers, disowned by its very creator, it still claims the largest share of office furniture sales--$3 billion or so a year--and has outlived every 'office of the future' meant to replace it. It is the Fidel Castro of office furniture."
(March 22, 2006, Julie Schlosser, Fortune)

Thursday, August 26, 2010

The Jimmy McNulty of fruit

"It's astounding. Quinces are fleeting. Madness takes its toll. When you realise that you've just come to truly love the fruit and there's none to be found, not a damn skerrick, for a whole year. Like some kind of token gesture from Mother Nature to say sorry for ending summer, quinces appear with autumn, but unlike the terrible weather, their time with us is ridiculously brief. They're like the Jimmy McNulty of fruit, charming but unreliable, showing up at random intervals to steal your heart then run off again. I mean, I saw them at the supermarket and a week later there were no more. I didn't even see them at all at the vege markets this year, although I was out of town one weekend. So you have to live every fruit as if it's your last."
(March 27, 2010, Laura Vincent, Hungry and Frozen)

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

The Wolf Blitzer of breakfast options

"To be honest, I think Good Friends Cereal is the Wolf Blitzer of breakfast options and I'm offended. Thanks, Google. I'll see you at the The Cracker Barrel….apparently."
(Jan. 25, 2010, makinpaper.com, link dead)

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

The Bea Arthur of the Kardashians

"I can’t believe that Lamar Odom who is a freaking Laker, can’t do better than Khloe Kardashian. She is the Bea Arthur of the Kardashians."
(June 4, 2010, The Superficial)

Monday, August 23, 2010

The Derek Jeter of Christianity

"Jesus Is The Derek Jeter Of Christianity
He's good at what he does (for Jeter, it's baseball; for Jesus, it's healing the sick or whatever). People love him. He says and does the right things at all the right times."
(Sept. 16, 2009, Deadspin)

Sunday, August 22, 2010

The Frank Drebin of Middle Eastern autocrats

"Contrast his bumbling randomness with the commanding, focused presence of the late Ayatollah Khomeini. Khomeini was a convincing menace. By comparison, Ahmadinejad looks like a dullard who buys his suits off the rack from J.C. Penney’s, the Frank Drebin of Middle Eastern autocrats. Were it not for the fact that he is in charge of a potential nuclear threat, he would be hard to take seriously."
(Sept. 25, 2007, Give 'Em Enough Rope)

Saturday, August 21, 2010

The Dr. Evil of shortbread

"Then I realised the potential of lavender! And yes I maybe about 20 years behind everyone and I'm sure you all realised that lavender was great for cooking with and blah blah but whatever, I only just realised ok! So what if I put lavender in my shortbread??? Genius, I thought to myself during another shortbread plotting session at work, genius. By this point I really was starting to feel like the Dr Evil of shortbread..."
(Dec. 3, 2009, The Little Welsh Eats the Big World)

Friday, August 20, 2010

The Ted Danson of fucking pillows

"Or you can start fucking pillows. That’s the way society seems to be heading, so you’d probably be ahead of the trend. Maybe make a name for yourself. You could be the Ted Danson of fucking pillows."
(March 30, 2010, Chris Bucholz, Cracked)

Thursday, August 19, 2010

The Wilt Chamberlain of bad suits

"No matter how low the bar gets, Sager always manages to limbo his way under it. If you think about it, Sager is the Wilt Chamberlain of bad suits. He's putting up numbers so unthinkable that nobody will ever, ever reach them."
(May 18, 2010, Basketbawful)

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

The Michael Cera of French dips

"Certainly not the best looking French dip ever, not the ugliest. The Michael Cera of French dips? I think its appearance was damaged by the pickle which was given to me."
(March 27, 2010, Mark Irish, Markaeology)

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

The Lewis Black of chocolate beers

"Pizza Port Chocolate Stout – Oh Yike. This has nothing to do with beer. It's a chocolate cordial in liquid form. The Lewis Black of chocolate beers. Unsweet bakers chocolate with alcohol and bitter citric finish. Forced rather than balanced."
(Sept. 21, 2009, Indiana Beer)

Monday, August 16, 2010

The Queen Elizabeth of lounge pants

"At least your pants are zebra print. Those are TOTALLY classy. It is like the Queen Elizabeth of lounge pants."
(April 14, 2010, Loralee's Looney Tunes)

Friday, August 13, 2010

The Elmer Fudd of the War on Terror

"This guy is the Elmer Fudd of the War on Terror."
(June 24, 2010, Gothamist)

Thursday, August 12, 2010

The Yoda of strap-ons

"Now don't get me wrong, I'm not bitching. But it's odd to be the Yoda of Strap-Ons. I mean seriously, why do I have to break everyone in on all their weird kinks? I feel as if I should have an infomercial looping on the CW at 4 a.m."
(June 5, 2010, Passport to Veronica-land)

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

The Conan the Barbarian of Twitter

"@hush6 Beats my old nickname, the Conan the Barbarian of Twitter."
(Aug. 11, 2010,
Alexis Madrigal, Twitter)

The Oscar Wilde of mental conditions

"It’s not like it’s much more serious and really rather boring older brother 'depression', which can have someone on the bridge at midnight, looking down into the icy waters below. No, melancholy is more of a fashion statement, something that can be switched on and off at a whim, the Oscar Wilde of mental conditions."
(March 1, 2010, Robert Leeming)

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

The Danny DeVito of months

"Even though February is the Danny Devito of months, this still would be a challenge for the average 20-something. How many times per week do you usually drink socially? I think the best way to approach this is to take it one week at a time."
(March 31, 2010, The Middle Finger Project)

Monday, August 9, 2010

The Jackie Collins of tax law textbooks

"Meet the Jackie Collins of tax law textbooks: http://ow.ly/2n6QJ"
(Aug. 9, 2010, Misty Harris, Twitter)

The James Dean of donuts

"the james dean of donuts."
(May 2, 2010, etherjag, Flickr)

Friday, August 6, 2010

The Mini-Me of sea serpents

"The blue ringed octopus is the mini-me of sea serpents."
(Feb. 3, 2010, Huffington Post)

Thursday, August 5, 2010

The Chris Rock of satyrs

"Percy's pals Annabeth (Alexandra Daddario) and Grover (Brandon T. Jackson) are also tweaked to grab hipper, older teens. Think 'Xena: Warrior Princess' meets the Chris Rock of satyrs and that sums up these sidekicks and the crowd they should pull in."
(May 13, 2010, Pulp's Movie Reviews)

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

The Tom Petty of microwavable foods

"Looking at the photo, two things should be apparent. First, on a purely visual level, this is the Tom Petty of microwavable foods. Second - and relatedly - the meal on the box does not look like the meal in my bowl."
(March 27, 2009, Justin B., ...from the front burner)

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

The Mark Wahlberg of holidays

"As a kid you would get candy; unless you got toothbrushes from pretentious dentists. Or maybe you were like me and lived by creepy farmers who chased you with pitchforks because grain alcohol makes a 4'6'' Frankenstein a feasible reality. Halloween was great as a kid because candy was everything; but even as you got older you still loved it, just for a different reason. Halloween evolved... it’s like the Mark Wahlberg of Holidays. (In the sense that as a kid, you loved Marky Mark's work with the Funky Bunch, but now you really appreciate his dramatic acting abilities in films like The Departed.)"
(Nov. 1, 2007, The Truth Brush)

Monday, August 2, 2010

The Louis C.K. of poetry criticism

"News at Eleven: But [David] Lehman's particular theme this year is the state of poetry criticism, and he doesn't hold back: 'Poetry criticism at its worst today,' Lehman asserts, 'is mean in spirit and spiteful in intent,' and he goes on from there to apply an especially vigorous flogging to the critic William Logan, who is sort of the Louis C.K. of poetry criticism, and who has written, for example, that reading the work of C.K. Williams is 'like watching a dog eat its own vomit.'"
(Sept. 22, 2009, Rus Bowden, Poetry & Poets in Rags)