The Lucy Van Pelt of late-period Ray Charles albums

"At least Would You Believe? and Strong Love Affair afford the listener the luxury of tuning out early — My World is like the Lucy Van Pelt of late-period Ray Charles albums, repeatedly promising to quit fucking around and get down to business, only to yank the football away at the last minute and leave you flat on your back, howling in pain and listening to “Love Has a Mind of Its Own.”"
(Feb. 25, 2010, Jeff Giles, Popdose)

The Mr. T of head cold-curing drams

"When you’ve tried everything, when gargling hot salt water just doesn’t seem to work anymore, when it feels like there’s an unruly pig setting up residence in your sinuses and holding frat parties, then there’s only one whisky to help you. Lagavulin 12yo: the ‘Mr T’ of head cold-curing drams. Its like drinking a smoothie concocted of engine oil, seaweed and salt n vinegar crisps. A veritable peat bog of flavour lays siege to the gunk fortress in your nose while the immense alcohol quietly rounds up all germs and has them unfussily shot in the back of the head. Its a winer and definitely my choice of whisky if I have a cold. Sadly, as was established at the start of this post, I don’t got not whisky here. So if anyone is passing through this particular vicinity of Souther France before Saturday and finds themselves overburdened with any of the above drams then… you know what to do."
(Sept. 21, 2010, Whisky Online Blog)

The Spartacus of ducks

"I had spent many hours (or possibly seconds), researching the ducks. We had walked by the pens where the anxious competitors were assembled, waiting the big moment when the gates would be opened and the bill-gnashing free-for-all on the river would commence. I had peered into their little black eyes -- the eyes of the ones that weren't wearing sunglasses or pirate eye-patches, anyway -- and had seen the fever of competitiveness there. But in one duck I had seen more. I had seen something there that made me say to myself, 'Self, this duck has what it takes. This is the Spartacus of ducks; this is the Alexander of ducks; this is the Donald Trump and Donald Duck of ducks all rolled into one!'"
(July 27, 2010, C. Patrick Neagle, Goblinbrook)

The Dr. House of alien visitors

"I'm not sure if he really qualifies as a superhero, but I'd like to mention Howard the Duck. Awful, awful movie. Great, great comics. Howard was the Dr. House of alien visitors."
(Sept. 26, 2010, Bad Astronomy and Universe Today Forum)

The Chairman Mao of daytime television

"When I was 16, I got pissed off at Martha Stewart for making Rice Crispie Treats. I thought Oprah was far more hardcore.

Times change. Oprah has ruined literary marketing forever. Dare I say, she's the Chairman Mao of daytime television."
(Dec. 13, 2006, A World of Fragments)

The Shakira of pizza

"I ate their pizza. I came to one simple conclusion. Their pizza was so astonishing and singular, that either no one else should be allowed to use the term 'pizza' again, or Garibaldi's needs to call theirs something else.

Garibaldi's is the Shakira of pizza. Her unforced, smoldering sexiness, her uindenialable talent."
(March 19, 2006, Mike Martineau, Confessions of a Nice Guy)

The Neil Diamond of the toilet

"That guy is the Neil Diamond of the toilet. Yeah that is classified as one cuss word."
(Nov. 29, 2007, Gettin Whiskey with White Chocolate)