Friday, April 30, 2010

The Barack Obama of popes

"I'm not Catholic and I'm not sure popes can resign. But the Vatican has other ways of getting rid of popes. John Paul I, lasted 33 days and then he 'mysteriously' died. The reason was John Paul I was the Barack Obama of popes he was not supposed to get the nomination or the election because he wanted to change everything."
(April 3, 2010, John Hammond, Best of the Blogs)

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

The Keyser Soze of cool grooves

"Everything is Alright by Four Tet
Four Tet can normally be heard chopping acoustic samples into beautiful and complex arrangements, but of all Kieron Hebden’s laptop born arrangements this one is the simplest. The groove is there before the acoustic guitar comes in, it arrives, the plinky synth devlops it and then poof, it’s gone. Like the Keyser Soze of cool grooves, but with less manipulation and murder and more head bopping."
(Jan. 3, 2010, Man vs. Horse)

Monday, April 26, 2010

The Rosa Parks of reusable to-go containers

"Also, full disclosure - I'm not sure if I can get over the nerdy-ness factor of whipping out a plastic tub at a restaurant. In Portland I wouldn't think twice about it, but down here it would be the first time in history anyone had done such a thing.

Not sure if I'm ready to be the Rosa Parks of reusable to-go containers."
(Feb. 27, 2010, Behind the Orange Curtain)

Friday, April 23, 2010

The Mike Krzyzewski of water fowl

"He embodies all that is evil. Basically the Mike Krzyzewski of water fowl. If you give him bread crumbs he stuffs them down a good duckles throat until it becomes stuffed and then proceeds to eat his comrade. That is one example. There are 665 more (coincidence?!?!)."
(Sept. 1, 2007, Waiofftopic)

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

The Goldilocks of taking a dump

"My dog is the Goldilocks of taking a dump. Just pick a tree and let it ride, Blondie."
(March 31, 2010, Killorn, Twitter)

Monday, April 19, 2010

The Zeus of fast food condiments

"Don't forget Arby's sauce. I want to have a hot tub filled with Arby's sauce. And Baja Fresh black salsa. And my favorite sauce in the world: the hoisin sauce that comes with your moo shu chicken takeout. They give you one little dipshit cup of hoisin sauce. I need an oil tanker full of it. It's so fucking good. I want my blood transfused with hoisin sauce. And there's basic Heinz ketchup, which is the Zeus of fast food condiments. Ever get some odd, non-Heinz ketchup with your shit? Tastes like Heinz that was left out in the sun for eight months."
(Feb. 23, 2010, Drew Magary, Deadspin)

Friday, April 16, 2010

The Batman of mucus

"We tweeted: 'Crank Ludlow is like the Batman of mucus' a determined vigilante with questionable methods. Brill" We meant: Loin-cloth-wearing Crank Ludlow pretty much sets the tone for the anthology. A charismatic prankster, his adventures are solely about forcibly imparting his snot onto others via his feet. He even manages to booger-kick Bob Dylan (but not quite Richard Nixon, for shame)."
(March 1, 2010, Martin Steenton, Avoid the Future)

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

The Aimee Mann of drywall installers

"'I'm pretty much the Aimee Mann of drywall installers.' (Unhelpful Analogies Series, #1)"
(Feb. 17, 2010, Dan Cronin, Twitter)

Monday, April 12, 2010

The Richard Pryor of handing out small cups of Snapple

"Sometimes it's some little old lady who leaves you alone as you walk by, but sometimes it's a guy who has to be like the Richard Pryor of handing out small cups of Snapple, all making the hardest sell in the world, like you wronged him in another life and his only vengeance will be if you try his stuff."
(July 8, 2004, A Journey Into Reason)

Friday, April 9, 2010

The Benjamin Franklin of molecular quantum mechanics

"But the attractor of the day was in the SCIENCE podcast. Roald Hoffman, the Benjamin Franklin of molecular quantum mechanics, has proposed that graduate students not be funded via teaching or research assistantships but by competitive grants. The big deal here is breaking the bonds of graduate student servitude to the professors who can garner big research grants and need slave labor."
(Aug. 4, 2009, Eptitude)

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

The Zooey Deschanel of bite-sized desserts

"Maybe even more surprising than the near-perfect cookies, though, was that I found the process of macaron-making surprisingly straightforward. This was not something I expected, given the gallons of virtual ink spilled on the subject on practically every cooking blog I read — some time in the last year or two, everyone (myself included) became obsessed with macarons. Brightly colored but prim, sweet but not too childlike, mysterious and beautiful and ephemeral, truly they are the Zooey Deschanel of bite-sized desserts. And nothing seems to fuel the allure so much as the myth that they're hard to make. That's right, myth: friends, macarons are not actually that difficult. I measured my ingredients, whipped my meringue, folded in the dry stuff, did my dozen turns of macaronnage, measured, piped, slammed, rested, baked, sandwiched, and ate. All told it took about an hour. Okay, call it two, if you want to count the time it took to bring the egg whites to room temperature."
(Nov. 23, 2009, Eat Me Daily)

Monday, April 5, 2010

The Strawberry Shortcake of university presidents

"Throw my hat in the ring as a big fan all things axe. I was at that cincinnati bowtie reception and can say without a doubt that the axe was worthy. And I agree, donkey punch after donkey punch, Axworthy just grins, clenches and takes it like Tony Danza - "who's the boss"- obviously the axe man! At his public speeches there is no doubt he is as fine an oralist as any other. While others decried the so called "axe holes" on Portage, I applauded his vision as the final climax in a long list of Liberal triumphs - this hole was a vision - one of sheer glory. I am tired of seeing him painted by left leaning elitists as the Strawberry Shortcake of University presidents. No, his is a grander vision. Like the proverbial Boston Pancake, Axworthy flattens the excrement that comes his way, like a champ! Go Axe. We are literally behind you all the way!!"
(Nov. 30, 2009, Winnipeg Free Press)

Friday, April 2, 2010

The Gilligan of the periodic table

"Oxygen, the 'Gilligan' of the Periodic Table"
(May 17, 2009, Chemistry Blog)