Sunday, May 31, 2009

The Tiny Tim of my local Starbucks

"Hopefully, I will be more mobile (aka 'off crutches') in a week or so. Until then, I will be the Tiny Tim of my local Starbucks where I work."
(July 27, 2005, What's New, Mr. Jones?)

Saturday, May 30, 2009

The Dr Evil of morons

"Oh, undresiege, your dialog sounds like one of those villains from a bad 60’s spy movie. That would make you the Dr Evil of morons."
(Feb. 6, 2009, Michelle Malkin)

Friday, May 29, 2009

The Al Gore of a sexual equality crisis

"Think of Goldberg as the Al Gore of a sexual equality crisis. Reproductive freedom is not just a matter of justice, it's a matter of survival."
(April 17, 2009, The American Prospect)

Thursday, May 28, 2009

The Larry Bird of art-world trash talkers

"Out on the deck I meet the designer Peter Saville. I am about to say something nice when a plunging bimbo with an orange buzz cut, in her rush to kiss the whip, nearly tips me in the pool. I retreat. Luckily, at dinner, I'm seated at a table with Barbara Gladstone—the Larry Bird of art-world trash talkers. We talk about Barbara's new gallery in Brussels and then we talk trash. We are still talking trash, standing by the table waiting for dessert, when a handsome young man comes up and gives Barbara a hug. Barbara says, "Oh, Dave, this is [room noise] Chapman," so I know it's one of the famous Chapman brothers but I don't know if it's Jake or the other one. Also, I am in my lighthearted, talking-trash-with-Barbara mode, so I stick out my hand and say, "Great to meet you! Didn't you used to play with Oasis?" I regard this as a gentle, laddish sort of tease and expect the same in return. Instead, Jake (or maybe the other one) turns on his heel and stalks away. Now I'll never get my 20 signed."
(Nov. 24, 2008, Dave Hickey)

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

The George W. Bush of herb gardeners

"'Bring it on?' Whoa. Karen's the George W. Bush of herb gardeners -- no offense..."
(May 27, 2008, Brad Warthen)

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

The Wolverine of cork boards

"This particular enclosed cork board is the leader of the pack. With its swing-open door it has taken charge over the other cork boards, giving orders and distributing tasks. It even has a self-healing cork surface, making it almost impossible to injure. It’s like the Wolverine of cork boards! Not to mention the enclosed bulletin board’s locking capabilities. If you don’t have the key, your important flyers and announcements will be locked up for good. And you cannot shatter the front panel either; it’s made from acrylic!"
(April 29, 2009, Display

Monday, May 25, 2009

The Cap’n Crunch of the soul

"It’s not immoral to listen to Beatles songs, but what is the point? It’s the Cap’n Crunch of the soul. Once we all lacked a certain depth and perspective, and had incongruous freedom that allowed us to indulge in shallow pursuits. But adolescence, mercifully, ends eventually. At least, it’s supposed to."
(Dec. 8, 2004, The Seventh Age)

Sunday, May 24, 2009

The Dirty Harry of the Health Department

"Certainly, RB, although I wear many hats. Medically, I'm an EMT ... but my primary job is in the emergency preparedness division of a local health department. (I'm trained to a higher level than EMT, but since much of what I do is administrative these days, I don't have time to maintain my higher-level license.) I actually got sort of dragged into emergency preparedness when my city became part of the original "domestic preparedness" planning back in the 90's, because the program I run was the only one in the HD with the requisite field emergency response background (which, with some pretty interesting supplemental training through DoD, covered the chem/incendiary/explosive part) AND background in acute communicable disease investigation and response (which covered the bio part). I love my job. We're sort of the Dirty Harry of the Health Department here. ;-)"
(April 12, 2009, Evolution of Security)

Saturday, May 23, 2009

The Sam and Diane of the root-beer saloon

"After a brief food fight in which Anjay and Olivia cement their roles as the Sam and Diane of the root-beer saloon, the council members announce Bonanza City's impending democratization to a cheering crowd — then give speeches about “trying harder” before (gulp) asking if anyone from their districts wants to oppose them."
(Oct. 18, 2007, New York)

Friday, May 22, 2009

The Puff Daddy of 19th century literature

"According to that monolithic temple to English etymology, The Oxford English Dictionary, the word 'dude' was birthed in New York in 1883, as a way to describe a certain fad of the time, an exaggerated foppishness among young men which was seen as an attempt to appear 'British.' This sudden fad may have been precipitated by the fact that Oscar Wilde visited New York in 1882 and was at that time the Western world’s most celebrated author and pre-eminent fop. This is not to say that he or they were mere narcissists. Just as today’s rock personalities manufacture affectations and overdoses of style, Oscar Wilde was the Puff Daddy of 19th century literature and the New York dudes fans and imitators of his 'outsider art.'"
(Oct. 31, 2008, The Dudespaper)

Thursday, May 21, 2009

The Ashley Judd of the wrestling world

"8:04... if I had a favorite, which I don't, but if I did, it would probably me Mickie James, only because she looks just dorky enough to be hot. No one will ever top Stacy Keibler. She's the Ashley Judd of the wrestling world, though Stacy retired years ago to pursue acting. How's she doing now? Well, have you heard of her, besides wrestling? Exactly."
(Oct. 29, 2007, Clouds in My Coffee)

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

The Bill Belichick of mall Santas

"Well, what did you expect to happen when someone over 30 sits in Santa's lap?
As a friend said to me, this must have been one serious Santa.
He has to be the Bill Belichick of mall Santas."
(March 9, 2008, Chris Stevenson, Ottawa Sun)

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

The Tonya Harding of the Miss Czech Pageant

"So by then I was 14 (yet everyone thought I was turning 19) and having quite the illicit affair with Joe La-…maybe I should give him a fake name-Byron. Byron and I were happy but now that I look back I can’t really be sure if it was the romance or the pills. Doesn’t really matter though because everything was about to come crashing down. The pageant, the tiara, Byron. I thought Miss South Moravian was my friend but she was so the Tonya Harding of the Miss Czech Pageant. (to be continued)"
(March 21, 2006, SVR)

Monday, May 18, 2009

The Indiana Jones of reader recipe requests

"I will pass along your request to our food columnist Nancy Coale Zippe, who is the Indiana Jones of reader recipe requests."
(March 29, 2009, Delaware Online)

Sunday, May 17, 2009

The Keith Moon of the animal kingdom

"Pan Kun is the Keith Moon of the animal kingdom."
(March 2, 2008, Japan Probe)

Saturday, May 16, 2009

The Jean-Claude Van Damme of birds

"A bunch of ravens attack an owl but it's ok, because the owl is like the Jean-Claude van Damme of birds."
(April 29, 2009, Blame It on the Voices)

Friday, May 15, 2009

The Saul Tigh of music teachers

"I myself am OK teaching private lessons or helping someone out one-to-one, but being a director or music teacher? No frakkin’ way. I’d be the Saul Tigh of music teachers."
(Feb. 28, 2009, Bear's Battlestar Blog)

Thursday, May 14, 2009

The Lassie of lip balms

"I then applied it at bedtime. I woke up to find that it hadn’t evaporated or dissipated into my lips in the slightest. It was just loyally sitting there, protecting my lips. I feel like I'd discovered the Lassie of lip balms."
(Dec. 22, 2008, babyassface)

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

The Frank Miller of furry porn

"The Frank Miller of furry porn. I guess that's okay."
(Feb. 23, 2007, Livejournal)

Monday, May 11, 2009

The Rosa Parks of people being incarcerated for using a cleaning product in a manner other than the way described on the label

"I then began to wonder if anyone in the world had ever been arrested for using Formula 409 All-Purpose Cleaner incorrectly? And if not, what would happen were I to be the first? Would I be ridiculed or admired for being the Rosa Parks of people being incarcerated for using a cleaning product in a manner other than the way described on the label? I decided I would be ridiculed, and that from now on, I would always use Formula 409 All-purpose Cleaner in a responsible and ethical fashion."
(May 11, 2009, My Views)

The Princess Diana of football folklore

"With the release of The Damned United forthcoming, it seems nobody can restrain themselves from jumping on the bandwagon. Soon our television schedules and newspaper supplements will be full to bursting with Cloughie. As we head towards Clough overload, I can’t help wondering if Brian has now become the Princess Diana of football folklore, guaranteed to bring in viewing figures and sell papers with each unearthing, but not guaranteed to actually tell us anything new."
(March 10, 2009, Alex Walker,

Sunday, May 10, 2009

The Dick Vitale of wine

"Gary Vaynerchuk can come off like the Dick Vitale of wine…"
(Aug. 6, 2007, Out in Harrisburg, Eating)

Saturday, May 9, 2009

The Hannibal Lecter of bamboo rod makers

"On a bad day, Chris is more like the Hannibal Lecter of bamboo rod makers, but you never heard it from me."
(Feb. 12, 2009, The Trout Underground)

Friday, May 8, 2009

The Jesus Christ of the financial collapse

"Max is the prophet of truth, the Jesus Christ of the financial collapse. Let’s rise up !"
(April 6, 2009,

The Bert and Ernie of Christian homes with small children

"Larry and Bob are the Bert and Ernie of Christian homes with small children.

The cucumber and tomato, respectively, are video mainstays in many homes, telling stories of the Bible without the benefit of hand gestures."
(Oct. 24, 2008, Peter Smith, The Courier-Journal)

Thursday, May 7, 2009

The Hulk Hogan of wedgies

"So there I was, looking like a blast from the past with the Hulk Hogan of wedgies, trying to find a way to rid myself of this humiliation."
(Sept. 10, 2007, It has raisins in it...)

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

The Obi-Wan Kenobi of major league groundskeepers

"The stadium is surrounded by a dozen practice fields, two of which are built to the exact dimensions of the Dodgers and Sox’s home parks. I was told during the tour that Roger Bossardthe Obi-Wan Kenobi of major league groundskeepers — oversaw the construction of all the fields. (No word on whether he had a hand in creating the turtle habitat.)"
(Feb. 8, 2009, The Hot Sheet)

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

The Ed McMahon of the Trinity

"A good way to understand the Holy Spirit, I believe, is to think of the Holy Spirit as the Ed McMahon of the Trinity. The Holy Spirit gets out of the way. The Holy Spirit has deference. The Holy Spirit doesn’t call attention to himself but shines the spotlight on Jesus Christ, the star of the show."
(May 15, 2005, Reverend Dr. Thomas K. Tewell)

Monday, May 4, 2009

The Michael Phelps of cheese graters

"Dudes, if you are looking for a cheese grater, and you probably are since you visited this page, I would recommend that you buy this one. This is like the Michael Phelps of cheese graters. Seriously."
(Strategy Way)

Sunday, May 3, 2009

The Andy Rooney of the potty

"Tony: farts, Amercian Idol, dog poop... what's next? I can't wait.
You are becoming the Andy Rooney of the potty."
(May 24, 2007, The Canadian Writers' Collective)

Saturday, May 2, 2009

The Liz Lemon of this Twitter shit

"I'm the liz lemon of this twitter shit!"
(Dec. 17, 2008, Twitter)

Friday, May 1, 2009

The Aquaman of religious figures

"So this either points to the son of God having a disturbing anger management issue, or he just enjoys being a dick. Why didn't he just curse the Romans? Does Jesus only possess vast arboreal powers that are inefficient against flesh. Is Jesus the Aquaman of religious figures, only possessing crappy and extremely limited superpowers?"
(April 18, 2009, International Society of Heathens)