Wednesday, February 29, 2012

The Simpsons of holy books

"The Bible is 'The Simpsons' of holy books."
(Feb. 19, 2012, God, Twitter)

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

The Colonel Sanders of mouse-flavored cat food

"You can be the spokesman if you like, the Colonel Sanders of mouse flavored cat food. I am a simple man, just send the residual checks"
(Jan. 8, 2012, Bill Mulligan, Michael Davis World)

Monday, February 27, 2012

The Woody Allen of rat terriers

"Poor Monkey! He's a nervous little bugger... the Woody Allen of rat terriers. How'd you like that? A Mark-ish commentary for ya."
(Feb. 27, 2012, Laura Rodnitzky, email)

The Colonel Klink of the Marvel Universe

"What about them? Up until Grant Morrison's first arc on X-Men, the Sentinels were pretty much the most ineffective giant killer robots EVER. Outside of alternate future/reality stories (i.e. Days of Future Past), there had been more on-panel mutant deaths due to random hate mobs than due to these billion-dollar taxpayer-funded murder machines, and ever since Morrison, they STILL aren't very effective (i.e. Sentinel Squad O*N*E* - the Colonel Klink of the Marvel Universe). That's not a reputation I'd want to uphold, really. On the other hand, that's fairly well in keeping with how military contracts work in real life, where something is designed and promoted as incredibly badass while being anything but."
(June 27, 2008, Paciocco's Mind)

Friday, February 24, 2012

The Martha Stewart of bacon grease stains and tartar sauce farts

"Guy Fieri is like the Martha Stewart of bacon grease stains and tartar sauce farts."
(Feb. 24, 2012, Abbi Crutchfield, Twitter)

The Colin Farrell of the monkey world

"Now, I'm not saying that all animal actors should get nominated for awards. I hesitate to speak ill of the dead but the recently deceased Cheeta was always to my mind a little wooden - the Colin Farrell of the monkey world. And that's not a sentence I ever saw myself writing. On reflection, I think Colin Farrell may already be the Colin Farrell of the monkey world. Oh well."
(Jan. 9, 2012, Donald Mackay, Nothing Special)

Thursday, February 23, 2012

The Kate Upton of medium-chubby depressing female comedians

"I'm the Kate Upton of medium-chubby despressing female comedians."
(Feb. 23, 2012, Bez, Twitter)

The Magic Johnson of food

"You’re probably not surprised to hear that truly great bacon is often described as the Magic Johnson of food. Like the charismatic leader of the great mid-80′s Los Angeles Lakers teams, bacon stands alone as a superstar with the ability to bring out the best in surrounding players. A fearsome scoring threat with incredible vision and ball handling skills, Magic would dazzle the opponent while getting quality chances for the talented cast around him. He could draw defenders and then find the open man for an uncontested basket."
(June 21, 2011, Rhode Island Farms & Food)

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

The Leonard Cohen of the local foodcourt

"Here’s a smiler to end the week. I’m not really sure what to make of Hamilton, Ontario’s B.A. Johnston. A Canadian cult hero (so I’m told), he’s more droll than Jonathan Richman, and more self aware than Daniel Johnston. I prefer to think of him as the Leonard Cohen of the local foodcourt."
(Aug. 20, 2010, MOKB)

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

The Temple Grandin of retail

"Somebody needs to improve check-out lines. Where is the Temple Grandin of retail?"
(Feb. 11, 2012, Traci Skene, Twitter)

Monday, February 20, 2012

The Jar Jar Binks of management effectiveness

"Minimize the problem. The key here is to dramatically downplay the significance of the problem. The team has come to you for help. It’s your job to convince them that it’s not really a problem. It’s really not that bad. That issue won’t slow you down that much. You can work around it. It has always been that way. If you can master this technique you will become the Jar Jar Binks of management effectiveness."
(Oct. 22, 2011, Agile Tools)

Friday, February 17, 2012

The Sean Connery of gnomes

"She had just assumed I was familiar with the movie Amelie. I’m not . . yet. I’ve recently learned that I should apologize for not having seen this movie, and should see it immediatly to better justify yet another bout of child-like giddiness that erupted when I just recently met the Sean Connery of gnomes — the Travelocity Gnome. The actual Travelocity Gnome. I mean, Amelie was so 2001, anyway."
(July 12, 2011, Jon Wick, The Expeditioner)

Thursday, February 16, 2012

The Yoko Ono of the GOP

"The truth is, Gingrich’s entire career – political and otherwise – has been a comercial enterprise, currently managed by wife #3 Callista, the Yoko Ono of the GOP."
(Dec. 10, 2011, Campaign Outsider)

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

The Norm Macdonald of charcuterie

"At least I can count on the-right-kind-of-butcher, my favorite L.A. chef, Marquis de Bertrand, to ease my pain with his signature forcemeat preparations at the after party. I recommend his veal mousseline – so simple, yet so creamy and rich, you might say it’s the Norm Macdonald of charcuterie."
(July 11, 2011, The Donnybrook Writing Academy)

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

The Bill Belichick of Bachelorettes

"If you ever find yourself competing for the heart of a potential spouse on a reality show and said potential spouse is surrounded by suitors fawning over them, you can either fall into the pack like the rest of the girls have done this season or you can conceive and execute a strategy like Courtney. I am telling you, Courtney is the bill Belichick of Bachelorettes. she knows one of the key manipulative tools of seduction: there is nothing more attractive than unrequited attraction. if you are single, read that again; it will serve you well."
(Jan. 27, 2012, David Jacoby, Trout Fishing Tips)

Monday, February 13, 2012

The Martha Stewart of poo

"No, not just any Poo...
Sari Lezat's Poo!
It's gotta be good.
She's the Martha Stewart of Poo!"
(Jan. 30, 2012, Team Jilly Joe)

Saturday, February 11, 2012

The Lou Gehrig of class attendance

"You're absent today?! The Lou Gehrig of class attendance? But I named a character after you!"
(Feb. 11, 2012, John Bauman, Facebook)

The Michael Jordan of email forwardin'

"My uncle is the Michael Jordan of email forwardin'."
(Feb. 9, 2012, David Paul, Twitter)

Friday, February 10, 2012

The Stanley Kubrick of coaxing different tones out of effects pedals

"Everyone needs a little metal distortion in their life, but everyone’s metal distortion needs are different. That’s why the new T-Rex Tonebug Totenschläger metal distortion has a built-in three-band EQ. Now your metal distortion doesn’t have to sound like the other guy’s metal distortion! Just listen to how many metal distortion tones Owen coaxes out of the T-Rex Totenschläger. He’s like the Stanley Kubrick of coaxing different tones out of effects pedals! I dunno if it’s true, but I heard he made the Totenschläger do thirty takes before he was satisfied with the footage for this video demo!"
(Aug. 20, 2011,

Thursday, February 9, 2012

The Lil Wayne of older white ladies

"For those who have not been initiated into my family (That would be everyone reading this, minus my wife. Let’s be honest, though. She isn’t reading this anyway.) Grandmother is my grandmother-in-law. She is a delightful lady who is much more in tune with the modern world than many people her age. Also, in an unrelated note, I have heard her say the word 'Bling' multiple times. I guess that would make her the Lil’ Wayne of older white ladies."
(Oct. 4, 2011, The Life and Times of Nathan Badley)

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

The Kenny Chesney of internet dating

"So I learned through trial and error, to keep my profile short and simple and leave a little mystery. My pictures were recent and my situation was honest. I happened to like Captain Crunch’s profile… he showed a little bit of a fun side. His photos were diverse: a picture of his little dog, a picture of his big boat, a pic of him having fun with all his friends, a picture of an empty beach chair on some unknown sandy beach. This guy seemed like the Kenny Chesney of internet dating. So when he asked me out for pizza, of course I said yes!"
(Jan. 4, 2012, She, Redone)

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

The Pavement of baseball players

"Willie Bloomquist is the Pavement of baseball players"
(Feb. 7, 2012, Craig Calcaterra, Hardball Talk)

The Jeff Goldblum of shoes

"These cut-out marbleized lace-up heels are so completely weird they're almost pretty. They're the Jeff Goldblum of shoes."
(June 15, 2010, Fashion Fringe)

Monday, February 6, 2012

The Mick Jagger of monsters

"And why not? In cryptid terms, Bigfoot is a rock star. One might even call him the Mick Jagger of Monsters. Author David Coleman, whose written a billion scripts for every Hollywood studio worth mentioning, knows this. I have yet to read the book (I’m currently reading a dozen Bigfoot books concurrently), but this one may get to move to the front of the line."
(Jan. 13, 2012, Jeff Gilbert, Drinkin' and Drive-in Blog)

Saturday, February 4, 2012

The Johnny Appleseed of befouling hotel comforters

"I'm the Johnny Appleseed of befouling hotel comforters."
(Feb. 4, 2012, Jocelyn Plums, Twitter)

Friday, February 3, 2012

The Paula Deen of Gospel writers

"In Luke it’s all about the eating. There are nineteen meals in Luke, 13 unique to Luke’s gospel alone. Luke is the Paula Deen of Gospel writers."
(Oct. 2011, Lisa Larges, Dreaming of The Church That Can Be)

Thursday, February 2, 2012

The Heather Locklear of legumes

"If, like me, your goal is sustainable starvation (tm), or even if you just want to be a little bit healthier, you should eat red lentils. 5 years ago I might've said they were the Heather Locklear of legumes. And by that I mean, if your nutritional intake program - note, I did not say 'diet' because I don't believe in that word - is suffering, just add red lentils. Like Heather Locklear pre-DUI, just one special guest appearance and HUZZAH! your ratings increase 10 points."
(Jan. 7, 2009, robBLOG 4.0)

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

The Che Guevara of ed-tech

"When someone calls me the Che Guevara of ed-tech: is that a compliment, an insult, or a death threat"
(Jan. 23, 2012, Audrey Watters, Twitter)