Wednesday, November 30, 2011

The Temperance Brennan of gymnastics

"Cut to the party, which takes place outdoors in front of what I assume to be the host’s house. Kaylie’s all impressed by Emily’s hooker wear, which makes Emily more self-conscious. She quickly covers up with her sweater. Payson’s sporting an old Rock sweatshirt, which is mildly amusing but I’m kind of over the whole Payson=SuperGymnast angle. She’s the Temperance Brennan of gymnastics, I get it. Except not even Brennan is that obsessed."
(July 9, 2009, The Unicorner)

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

The Javier Bardem of tiger wranglers

"We didn’t want to leave him out. He was like the Javier Bardem of tiger wranglers."
(Jan. 27, 2011, Michelle Collins, Best Week Ever)

Monday, November 28, 2011

The George Lucas of drug companies

"Shire is the George Lucas of drug companies, degrading classic amphetamine formulations and making the originals unavailable. Don't settle for 'newer and better.' The originals have worked great for over 70 years."
(Nov. 8, 2011, vBulletin)

Friday, November 25, 2011

The Ozzie Guillen of higher ed

"It is unfuckingbelievable that this Yudof dude could say shit like that. He sounds like the Ozzie Guillen of higher ed. It is clearly the words of someone who just doesn't give a flying fuck anymore. Maybe he's already been told that he is going to be shitcanned?"
(Sept. 28, 2009, Confessions of a Community College Dean)

Thursday, November 24, 2011

The Picasso of choking in the clutch

"Romo has made it an art form. He’s the Picasso of choking in the clutch. Last night was his latest masterpiece."
(Sept. 12, 2011, The Linc)

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

The Chris Tucker of white people music

"Vince Neil talks pretty high--he's like the Chris Tucker of white people music."
(June 16, 2011, Eran Mukamel)

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

The Wilt Chamberlain of Bigfootery

"Tom Biscardi the Wilt Chamberlain of Bigfootery. Biscardi lives in between the California Bay Area and Las Vegas, or, as a source says, 'wherever he can find a loose woman.' Biscardi thinks he is God’s gift to women, and he is one of the wildest, most out of control and notorious womanizers in the Bigfoot world. One source compared him to Wilt Chamberlain. 'Biscardi has a woman in every port,' the source said."
(Aug. 2, 2011, Robert Lindsay)

Monday, November 21, 2011

The Steve Jobs of pumpkin cannons

"Who will be the Steve Jobs of pumpkin cannons? MT @bradplumer: Pumpkin-cannon technology has stagnated:"
(Nov. 10, 2011, John McQuaid, Twitter)

Friday, November 18, 2011

The Indiana Jones of fanny packs

"This one is cute and sporty (I have a thing for Puma bags) and doesn’t look like your grandma’s fanny pack. Also, it is clearly labeled as an 'amazing item' so it’s hard to imagine going wrong with that. Still, I was hoping for something a little more rugged. Something sturdy and enduring and maybe even a little adventurous. I wanted the Indiana Jones of fanny packs."
(Aug. 15, 2011, JR Tague)

Thursday, November 17, 2011

The Adolf Hitler of shallow

"But this is America, remember, where one should never underestimate shallow. And Rick Perry brings shallow to a new level. He is very gifted in that regard. He could be the Adolf Hitler of shallow."
(Oct. 26, 2011, Matt Taibbi, Rolling Stone)

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

The Eddie Murphy of the dentistry world

"Wisdom teeth are bastards!
They are the Eddie Murphy of the dentistry world. There was a time when they were welcome,even useful and we were happy to have them (about 6 million years ago when our jaws were bigger) but now every time they show up they bring only pain and annoyance."
(Oct. 16, 2011, A Series of Terrible Decisions)

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

The Garfield of real-life people

"Both Limitless and The Lincoln Lawyer are exceeding box office expectations. This is a bit surprising, given that Limitless stars the Garfield of real-life people, Bradley Cooper, and The Lincoln Lawyer is a critically approved, marketed-to-adults courtroom drama starring Matthew McConaughey. As Jon Arbuckle might say, 'Argh!'"
(March 31, 2011, D.B. Austin, Fast Forward Weekly)

Monday, November 14, 2011

The Andy Dick of squirrels

"The Andy Dick of squirrels has been running wild in Vermont. One man claims the insane rodent jumped on his back while he was shoveling snow, and at least one woman says she was bitten. Authorities say the squirrel is probably not rabid, but instead has lost its fear of humans after being fed by well-meaning idiots. And people wonder why I hate leaving the house? Nature is out to get us people. If it's not earthquakes and tsunamis, it's insane squirrels. The faster we wipe out nature the better off we'll be. God didn't create us in his image just so we could be terrorized by stuff, did he?"
(March 17, 2011, The Daily Crabble)

Friday, November 11, 2011

The Polonius of bipartisan Washington punditry

"Brooks, who also flogged the unheeded Simpson-Bowles fiscal commission as 'the only way to realistically fix this problem,' has merely picked up where the Polonius of bipartisan Washington punditry, David Broder of the Washington Post, left off when he died in March."
(Sept. 25, 2011, Frank Rich, New York)

Thursday, November 10, 2011

The Hepburn and Tracy of the paint-huffing demographic

"Denise Richards and Richie Sambora are the Hepburn and Tracy of the paint-huffing demographic."
(Nov. 10, 2011, Peter-john Byrnes, Twitter)

The Napoleon Dynamite of sandwiches

"Sandwiches with only one slice of cheese in them are the Napoleon Dynamite of sandwiches."
(Nov. 10, 2011, @mzeld, Twitter)

The Rick Perry of HPV shots

"What's worse is that when I hear of someone else doing something that could potentially cause them pain, I warn them of their impending pain, unsolicited, therefore injecting them with my fear. I'm like the Rick Perry of HPV shots over here (topical!!!)."
(Sept. 24, 2011, Safia With an "A")

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

The Incredible Hulk of crappy food

"I’m actually getting to the point where I start to get a little agro after a bad meal- I’m like the Incredible Hulk of crappy food. I start to make snide remarks, which, thankfully, pass completely unnoticed by the Spanish-speaking teenagers who often man these eateries, and R has to talk me down afterward."
(Oct. 3, 2011, We're Not There Yet)

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

The goddamn Muhammad Ali of apples

"Honey Crisps are the goddamn Muhammad Ali of apples."
(Nov. 5, 2011, Alex Blagg, Twitter)

The Muggsy Bogues of cutlery

"A typical oyster knife is relatively short with a thick blade, designed to be as forceful as it is nimble—the Muggsy Bogues of cutlery."
(March 31, 2011, Travel Blog from Tablet Hotels)

Monday, November 7, 2011

The Kim Kardashian of media policies

"If you estimate that first mention of the gag order on Ilya Bryzgalov came at around 9 AM yesterday, and then check timestamps on Tweets from Sam Carchidi and Tim Panaccio last night, you can deduce that the asinine policy lasted less than 12 hours-- it was sort of the Kim Kardashian of media policies."
(Nov. 1, 2011, Crossing Broad)

Friday, November 4, 2011

The Theo Epstein of bagel bakeries

"As I stepped toward the counter, a friendly woman with the words 'General Manager' under her name greeted me and asked me what I’d like. Huzzah! How could the Theo Epstein of bagel bakeries screw up my order? Today was going to be a good breakfast day."
(Oct. 30, 2008, The Legend of Dan)

Thursday, November 3, 2011

The Kevin Spacey of octopodes

"The Kevin Spacey of octopodes"
(July 22, 2011, Uncharted Atolls)

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

The Dirk Nowitzki of relaxation

"We were a little tired when we finally arrived. The house was perfect: off the main roads, featuring a driveway full of rocks (number one request by toddlers), as well as chickens, olive trees, fig trees, a shaded outdoor eating area, a tame magpie named Jackie, a golden retriever named Tess who is the Dirk Nowitzki of relaxation, and minor conveniences like a saltwater pool overlooking the nearby, hanging villages of Seillans and Fayance."
(July 9, 2011, Nocomz's Blog)

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

The Antonio Banderas of food trucks

"Think of this as the Antonio Banderas of food trucks. Actually, don’t. Instead, just think of it as a rolling Tex-Mex factory nomadically dispensing carne asada through all hours of the day and night."
(April 4, 2011, Urban Daddy)