Friday, December 30, 2011

The Regis of medical supplies

"Thank You Band-Aids,I was finished with those hairs anyway.
For healing my cut faster than how 'The Paul Reiser Show' was canceled.
For helping heal me instead of saying 'quit your whining' like some people.
For being more reliable than the odds of there being another 'Fast and Furious' movie.
For only coming in tan, that must please Klan members.
For coming in multiple sizes to fit Kirstie Alley’s ever fluctuating size.
For being like a SARS mask for my cut.
For covering up my cut. If only you could do the same to Donald Trump’s face.
For always being there, like the Regis of medical supplies.
For being on more men than Madonna has.
For being just as comfortable to wear as The Snuggie."
(May 3, 2011, This is Dan's Blog)

Thursday, December 29, 2011

The Nancy Grace of ESPN

"Skip Bayless is the Nancy Grace of ESPN."
(Dec. 29, 2011, Neal Brennan, Twitter)

The Beyonce of NFL defenses

"We’ll certainly find out this Sunday. Newton makes his Carolina home debut against the Super Bowl champion Green Bay Packers. Talk about tough tests. Arizona was quite a feat for Carolina Cam, but Green Bay is the Beyonce of NFL defenses. Newton will need a Jay-Z performance to get the Panthers their first win of the year."
(Sept. 15, 2011, Vince Lucas, Sporty Sexy Cool)

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

The Philip Seymour Hoffman of clutching his head after being hit in the forearm

"Roughing the passer, opponent. Occurs twice per game. The Bears’ most consistently successful offensive play. Caused at times by Jay Cutler’s acting skills (he is the Philip Seymour Hoffman of clutching his head after being hit in the forearm), but also by the tight ends’ inability to successfully help Webb and Omiyale, who are not good players."
(Oct. 14, 2011, Mike Tanier, The New York Times)

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

The Han Solo of hockey blogging

"It seems like there’s overlap between hockey fans and Star Wars nerds, or maybe that’s just because I know that the Han Solo of hockey blogging, Greg Wyshynski, has a Star Wars-themed bathroom in his house."
(June 11, 2011, Jamie Mottram, Mr. Irrelevant)

Monday, December 26, 2011

The Benny Hill of MMA

"We’re looking forard to Palhares next fight. He’s like the Benny Hill of MMA running around the ring pantomiming and just doing wacky schtick."
(Aug. 28, 2011, Larry Pengood,

Sunday, December 25, 2011

The Hugh Hefner of Christmas

"I'm the Hugh Hefner of Christmas, as in I'm still wearing a bathrobe and hanging out with people decades younger than me."
(Dec. 25, 2011, @Smethanie, Twitter)

Friday, December 23, 2011

The Nurse Ratched of the lingerie world

"Until I saw these, I thought that the pantsular affliction of cameltoe was something to be ashamed of. Not in Japan, apparently. These flesh-coloured party pants look like the Nurse Ratched of the lingerie world, and it seems like they do to your nether regions what a good bra does to your upper one—lift and separate."
(March 31, 2008, Addy Dugdale, Gizmodo Australia)

Thursday, December 22, 2011

The Meryl Streep of seafood

"Yellowtail stands in for mahi-mahi. Nile perch is labeled as shark, and tilapia may be the Meryl Streep of seafood, capable of playing almost any role."
(May 26, 2011, Elisabeth Rosenthal, The New York Times)

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

The Fredo Corleone of the GOP family

"Rick Perry is the Fredo Corleone of the GOP family."
(Dec. 21, 2011, SeƱor Winces, Twitter)

The New Kids on the Block of the 2010s

"Angry Birds: the New Kids on the Block of the 2010s."
(Dec. 21, 2011, Andrew Nusca, Twitter)

The Basquiat of comedy

"Next time I want people to hate me, I'll refer to myself as 'The Basquiat of Comedy.'"
(Dec. 21, 2011, Dan Cronin, Twitter)

The Ron Jeremy of moobs

"Sweet. I am the Ron Jeremy of moobs."
(Aug. 9, 2011, Brell Rants)

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

The Rosa Parks of fat white middle-age celebrity millionaire first-class cabin iPhone douchebags

"BREAKING: Alec Baldwin is the Rosa Parks of fat white middle age celebrity millionaire First Class-cabin iPhone douchbags."
(Dec. 7, 2011, Breaking News, Twitter)

The Inspector Clouseau of male submission

"I see the inspector Clouseau of male submission is rounding up his usual suspects. How about fetching the pipe and slippers for him? He's such a prominent patriarch, and these days he's on the eve of handing his dusty old gossip column over to a conservator, hehe!"
(Nov.9, 2011, Domme Chronicles)

Monday, December 19, 2011

The Scrappy Doo of acting awards

"Now, I'm gonna go easy on the scoring for this because most the Golden Globe is the Scrappy Doo of acting awards and because Muppets fucking rule."
(June 19, 2011, Serious Fucking Business)

Friday, December 16, 2011

The Newt Gingrich of children's TV

"But at least it isn't Barney. Why in God's name does he have to sound like that? He is beyond irritating. He's the Newt Gingrich of children's TV (without the arrogance and aversion to cancerous women). Someone has insisted that he is popular and important, but I haven't met anyone who actually likes him."
(May 10, 2011, Adventures of a Stay-at-home Dad)

Thursday, December 15, 2011

The Bruno Mars of Christian pick-up lines

"So without further ado, here is a list of Christian Pickup Lines: Use wisely. Or, more aptly, please, please do not use these at all.
A. 'I would part the Red Sea for you.' It’s the Bruno Mars of Christian pick up lines."
(Nov. 19, 2011, Lyndsay Rush, Stuff Christians Like)

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

The Enrique Iglesias of the animal kingdom

"Before we got there, TBID and I saw a peacock, which is surely the Enrique Iglesias of the animal kingdom. It pranced around aloofly, only to turn around every few minutes, as if to lament, 'You’re looking at me? Oh, I guess I’m still gorgeous. Drats.' But you know that bird ate up every minute of attention."
(May 14, 2009, Noisiest Passenger)

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

The Pillsbury Doughboy of political promiscuity

"I don’t claim infallibility, and a good thing too, because when it comes to bad calls, I’ve made some beauts, to paraphrase Mayor Jimmy Walker. The most recent was when someone on Twitter summoned the possibility of Newt Gingrich resurging in the Republican primaries and I tweeted a terse 'No.' To me it was beyond the realm of possibility, just another gaseous emission from the punditry (which is craving a horse race). How wrong I was. On this crisp Monday morning in December, the Pillsbury Doughboy of political promiscuity is enjoying the 'big mo' while Mitt Romney is getting the blinky look of once-grinny confidence caving into panic."
(Dec. 13, 2011, James Wolcott, Vanity Fair)

The Kobe Bryant of trailer trash chic

"This installment of 15 Minutes Later highlights the trucker hat. The trucker hat; the Kobe Bryant of trailer trash chic–whatever that means. Made popular by the likes of Pharrell Williams, Ashton Kutcher, and Justin Timberlake, the trucker hat became the hotshot of cranial fashion during the early 2000s. Originally known as feed/gimme hat, it was initially made for promotional use. It was often given away for free from feed or farming supply companies to farmers, truck drivers, or other rural workers."
(Oct. 20, 2011, Quiet Lunch)

Monday, December 12, 2011

The El Duque of comedy

"Quote of the Day: Louis CK is the El Duque of comedy #mlb #hbt"
(Dec. 12, 2011, Hardball Talk, Twitter)

The Nathan Fillion of sideline reporting

"I really hope to see more video bombing this season. He's becoming the Nathan Fillion of sideline reporting."
(Aug. 30, 2011, The Gang Green)

Sunday, December 11, 2011

The Jane Goodall of studying drunk girls eat burritos

"I'm the Jane Goodall of studying drunk girls eat burritos."
(Dec. 7, 2011, Molly McNearney, Twitter)

Friday, December 9, 2011

The DragonCon of Christians

"Seventh Day Adventists are like the DragonCon of Christians."
(Dec. 9, 2011, Neko Case, Twitter)

The Yogi Berra of meth

"Which brings us to the episode’s final scene, and in a word, holy f***ing sh*t. Walt comes to Jesse’s house to get brought up to speed on the Mexico trip, and the conversation initially begins with an anxious Jesse telling Walt that he’s not sure he can properly answer the questions of the Mexican chemists ('What if everything’s written in Mexican?' Ahh Jesse, you’re the Yogi Berra of meth.)"
(Sept. 12, 2011, Dan Hopper,

Thursday, December 8, 2011

The Jennifer Hudson of the skies

"The Moon was big and fat, full and round in Taurus. Sort of like the Sophie Tucker of the skies. If she’s a bit before your times, I would have said like the Jennifer Hudson of the skies, but that was before she lost all that weight and started prancing around in those animal-print MK-Ultra slave minis. You get the picture."
(Nov. 11, 2011, Robert Phoenix)

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

The Keith Richards of Kansas City diners

"Capote, Over Easy
The Keith Richards of Kansas City diners turns 84 this year."
(Feb. 9, 2006, Charles Ferruzza, Pitch)

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

The Robert Ludlum of damnation

"Had L Ron been a good writer (not even a successful one), would that have made his story a better and more digestable one for his followers? Why has Judaism, Christianity and Islam lasted this long? Because God must be the best g$dd@mmed writer around! He is the Stephen King of redemption and the Robert Ludlum of damnation. Or at the very least he hired the best ghost writers that 50 virgins can buy. :)"
(Jan. 19, 2010, 30 Days in February)

Monday, December 5, 2011

The Jimmy Fallon of popsicle sticks

"18 years ago, a popsicle stick came into my home and into my heart. Stick Stickly was the host of Nick in the Afternoon on Nickelodeon. He was friendly. He was affable. He was always smiling. He was kind of like the Jimmy Fallon of popsicle sticks. Basically, he was this ray of sunshine in my childhood."
(Aug. 27, 2011, Meghan O'Keefe, Hello Giggles)

Friday, December 2, 2011

The Zooey Deschanel of bologna

"The Zooey Deschanel of bologna. I'm the girl everyone shakes their head at and asks: What's wrong with you?"
(@Smethanie, Twitter)

The Barney the Dinosaur of the budget phone world

"The VM720 is the Barney the Dinosaur of the budget phone world. It’s cute and purple, but does it deserve to be extinct?"
(Sept. 1, 2011, Virgin Media VM720)

Thursday, December 1, 2011

The Moses of procrastinators

"The thing is, in most cases, I have been there. As a high school, undergraduate, and even graduate student, I’ve often been the exact same panicked, miserable student trying to hack out an assignment in the eleventh hour. And when they stumble into the main Writing Center or a satellite location, I can recognize the members of my tribe, and I want to guide them, like the Moses of procrastinators, to the promised land."
(Nov. 7, 2011, Kevin Boettcher, Another Mind)

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

The Temperance Brennan of gymnastics

"Cut to the party, which takes place outdoors in front of what I assume to be the host’s house. Kaylie’s all impressed by Emily’s hooker wear, which makes Emily more self-conscious. She quickly covers up with her sweater. Payson’s sporting an old Rock sweatshirt, which is mildly amusing but I’m kind of over the whole Payson=SuperGymnast angle. She’s the Temperance Brennan of gymnastics, I get it. Except not even Brennan is that obsessed."
(July 9, 2009, The Unicorner)

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

The Javier Bardem of tiger wranglers

"We didn’t want to leave him out. He was like the Javier Bardem of tiger wranglers."
(Jan. 27, 2011, Michelle Collins, Best Week Ever)

Monday, November 28, 2011

The George Lucas of drug companies

"Shire is the George Lucas of drug companies, degrading classic amphetamine formulations and making the originals unavailable. Don't settle for 'newer and better.' The originals have worked great for over 70 years."
(Nov. 8, 2011, vBulletin)

Friday, November 25, 2011

The Ozzie Guillen of higher ed

"It is unfuckingbelievable that this Yudof dude could say shit like that. He sounds like the Ozzie Guillen of higher ed. It is clearly the words of someone who just doesn't give a flying fuck anymore. Maybe he's already been told that he is going to be shitcanned?"
(Sept. 28, 2009, Confessions of a Community College Dean)

Thursday, November 24, 2011

The Picasso of choking in the clutch

"Romo has made it an art form. He’s the Picasso of choking in the clutch. Last night was his latest masterpiece."
(Sept. 12, 2011, The Linc)

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

The Chris Tucker of white people music

"Vince Neil talks pretty high--he's like the Chris Tucker of white people music."
(June 16, 2011, Eran Mukamel)

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

The Wilt Chamberlain of Bigfootery

"Tom Biscardi the Wilt Chamberlain of Bigfootery. Biscardi lives in between the California Bay Area and Las Vegas, or, as a source says, 'wherever he can find a loose woman.' Biscardi thinks he is God’s gift to women, and he is one of the wildest, most out of control and notorious womanizers in the Bigfoot world. One source compared him to Wilt Chamberlain. 'Biscardi has a woman in every port,' the source said."
(Aug. 2, 2011, Robert Lindsay)

Monday, November 21, 2011

The Steve Jobs of pumpkin cannons

"Who will be the Steve Jobs of pumpkin cannons? MT @bradplumer: Pumpkin-cannon technology has stagnated:"
(Nov. 10, 2011, John McQuaid, Twitter)

Friday, November 18, 2011

The Indiana Jones of fanny packs

"This one is cute and sporty (I have a thing for Puma bags) and doesn’t look like your grandma’s fanny pack. Also, it is clearly labeled as an 'amazing item' so it’s hard to imagine going wrong with that. Still, I was hoping for something a little more rugged. Something sturdy and enduring and maybe even a little adventurous. I wanted the Indiana Jones of fanny packs."
(Aug. 15, 2011, JR Tague)

Thursday, November 17, 2011

The Adolf Hitler of shallow

"But this is America, remember, where one should never underestimate shallow. And Rick Perry brings shallow to a new level. He is very gifted in that regard. He could be the Adolf Hitler of shallow."
(Oct. 26, 2011, Matt Taibbi, Rolling Stone)

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

The Eddie Murphy of the dentistry world

"Wisdom teeth are bastards!
They are the Eddie Murphy of the dentistry world. There was a time when they were welcome,even useful and we were happy to have them (about 6 million years ago when our jaws were bigger) but now every time they show up they bring only pain and annoyance."
(Oct. 16, 2011, A Series of Terrible Decisions)

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

The Garfield of real-life people

"Both Limitless and The Lincoln Lawyer are exceeding box office expectations. This is a bit surprising, given that Limitless stars the Garfield of real-life people, Bradley Cooper, and The Lincoln Lawyer is a critically approved, marketed-to-adults courtroom drama starring Matthew McConaughey. As Jon Arbuckle might say, 'Argh!'"
(March 31, 2011, D.B. Austin, Fast Forward Weekly)

Monday, November 14, 2011

The Andy Dick of squirrels

"The Andy Dick of squirrels has been running wild in Vermont. One man claims the insane rodent jumped on his back while he was shoveling snow, and at least one woman says she was bitten. Authorities say the squirrel is probably not rabid, but instead has lost its fear of humans after being fed by well-meaning idiots. And people wonder why I hate leaving the house? Nature is out to get us people. If it's not earthquakes and tsunamis, it's insane squirrels. The faster we wipe out nature the better off we'll be. God didn't create us in his image just so we could be terrorized by stuff, did he?"
(March 17, 2011, The Daily Crabble)

Friday, November 11, 2011

The Polonius of bipartisan Washington punditry

"Brooks, who also flogged the unheeded Simpson-Bowles fiscal commission as 'the only way to realistically fix this problem,' has merely picked up where the Polonius of bipartisan Washington punditry, David Broder of the Washington Post, left off when he died in March."
(Sept. 25, 2011, Frank Rich, New York)

Thursday, November 10, 2011

The Hepburn and Tracy of the paint-huffing demographic

"Denise Richards and Richie Sambora are the Hepburn and Tracy of the paint-huffing demographic."
(Nov. 10, 2011, Peter-john Byrnes, Twitter)

The Napoleon Dynamite of sandwiches

"Sandwiches with only one slice of cheese in them are the Napoleon Dynamite of sandwiches."
(Nov. 10, 2011, @mzeld, Twitter)

The Rick Perry of HPV shots

"What's worse is that when I hear of someone else doing something that could potentially cause them pain, I warn them of their impending pain, unsolicited, therefore injecting them with my fear. I'm like the Rick Perry of HPV shots over here (topical!!!)."
(Sept. 24, 2011, Safia With an "A")

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

The Incredible Hulk of crappy food

"I’m actually getting to the point where I start to get a little agro after a bad meal- I’m like the Incredible Hulk of crappy food. I start to make snide remarks, which, thankfully, pass completely unnoticed by the Spanish-speaking teenagers who often man these eateries, and R has to talk me down afterward."
(Oct. 3, 2011, We're Not There Yet)

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

The goddamn Muhammad Ali of apples

"Honey Crisps are the goddamn Muhammad Ali of apples."
(Nov. 5, 2011, Alex Blagg, Twitter)

The Muggsy Bogues of cutlery

"A typical oyster knife is relatively short with a thick blade, designed to be as forceful as it is nimble—the Muggsy Bogues of cutlery."
(March 31, 2011, Travel Blog from Tablet Hotels)

Monday, November 7, 2011

The Kim Kardashian of media policies

"If you estimate that first mention of the gag order on Ilya Bryzgalov came at around 9 AM yesterday, and then check timestamps on Tweets from Sam Carchidi and Tim Panaccio last night, you can deduce that the asinine policy lasted less than 12 hours-- it was sort of the Kim Kardashian of media policies."
(Nov. 1, 2011, Crossing Broad)

Friday, November 4, 2011

The Theo Epstein of bagel bakeries

"As I stepped toward the counter, a friendly woman with the words 'General Manager' under her name greeted me and asked me what I’d like. Huzzah! How could the Theo Epstein of bagel bakeries screw up my order? Today was going to be a good breakfast day."
(Oct. 30, 2008, The Legend of Dan)

Thursday, November 3, 2011

The Kevin Spacey of octopodes

"The Kevin Spacey of octopodes"
(July 22, 2011, Uncharted Atolls)

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

The Dirk Nowitzki of relaxation

"We were a little tired when we finally arrived. The house was perfect: off the main roads, featuring a driveway full of rocks (number one request by toddlers), as well as chickens, olive trees, fig trees, a shaded outdoor eating area, a tame magpie named Jackie, a golden retriever named Tess who is the Dirk Nowitzki of relaxation, and minor conveniences like a saltwater pool overlooking the nearby, hanging villages of Seillans and Fayance."
(July 9, 2011, Nocomz's Blog)

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

The Antonio Banderas of food trucks

"Think of this as the Antonio Banderas of food trucks. Actually, don’t. Instead, just think of it as a rolling Tex-Mex factory nomadically dispensing carne asada through all hours of the day and night."
(April 4, 2011, Urban Daddy)

Monday, October 31, 2011

The Kenny of the NFL

"Brett Favre is the Kenny of the NFL. He dies on the field at the end of every season, and shows up next year to do it again."
(June 12, 2011, Total Packers)

Friday, October 28, 2011

The Chef Boyardee of education

"I know that these are tricky situations. I know that a lot of times teachers and principles are hamstrung by being put in difficult positions by difficult parents, difficult colleagues or difficult students, and there is a certain amount of understanding that needs to be granted. When it comes to the education system, I personally think that there are far too many cooks in the kitchen, including the Chef Boyardee of education, standardized testing. That being said, asking a student to prom is most decidedly not the same as say threatening a teacher, threatening a student or being the reason that metal detectors need to be put in schools."
(May 11, 2011, Sufficient Cynic)

Thursday, October 27, 2011

The Kirsten Dunst of gay porn stars

"He's the Kirsten Dunst of gay porn stars."
(Aug. 19, 2011, Freakin' Awesome Network Forums)

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

The Rick Ross of underwater insects

"Tagame: The Rick Ross of Underwater Insects"
(July 1, 2011, Glenn Patteson)

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

The Aaron Rodgers of cheeses

"This picky process really pays off – its the only cheese to have won both the Best of Show from the American Cheese Society and U.S. Champion Cheese, basically making it the Aaron Rodgers of cheeses. Throw away your mild cheddar and make your next grilled cheese with this stuff – you’ll never go back."
(April 22, 2008, Strange Birds Purr)

Monday, October 24, 2011

The Mark Twain of ancient science

"It was probably Ptolemy. Ptolemy is like the Mark Twain of ancient science. If you have a really good quote you can't place, you just attribute it to Mark Twain, who has so many apocryphal quotes attributed to him that one more won't hurt."
(Sept. 23, 2011, Comic Strip of the

Friday, October 21, 2011

The Gollum of phone companies

"Or: 'AT&T, We're the Gollum of phone companies. Living underground, by a little lake. Eating slimy things.' #newattslogans"
(Oct. 21, 2011, Thomas Lennon, Twitter)

The James Spader of lifeguards

"I just wanted to point out that 'Boy-Crazy Stacey' is supposed to be 13 years and she’s being hit on by the James Spader of lifeguards. The creeper’s not even looking at the foot he’s putting that bandage on."
(Dec. 22, 2009,

Thursday, October 20, 2011

The Rosie O’Donnell of birds

"Even the crows, the loudest of all the birds in my woods, don’t annoy me as much as they once did. I call them the Rosie O’Donnell of birds because of their obnoxious cacklings."
(March 29, 2011, Susan Reinhardt, A Good Blog is Hard to Find)

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

The David Bowie of beef cuts

"I could hardly contain myself. It was incredibly juicy because it was, in truth, bloody. My new favorite temperature. After a few delicious bites and a survey of the shape of the cut(s), we agreed the we had on our hands a hangar steak, the David Bowie of beef cuts. I was overcome with joy and cider."
(June 30, 2011, How Dude You Do)

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

The Dr. Seuss of handjobs

"Speed intervals: Going at a constant pace and grip the entire time is equivalent to putting your fingers in a girl and not moving them. Go one hand, go two hands, go get your friends and use their hands. Go fast, go slow, and you get the point because I am starting to sound like the Dr. Seuss of handjobs. So boys and girls just remember, mix it up for the love of all holy penises in the world."
(Sept. 4, 2011, College Town Life)

Monday, October 17, 2011

The Papa Smurf of the Christian community

"Papa Smurf is the leader of the Smurfs, and the only Smurf who wears red. Papa Smurf brings the Smurfs to safety in times of danger and crisis. Everyone in Smurf Village turns to Papa Smurf when things go awry. God is the 'Papa Smurf' of the Christian community."
(Jan. 29, 2011, Dominique McPherson, Dominique Chanel Edition)

Friday, October 14, 2011

The Helen Mirren of trees

"The tree didn’t grow leaves or anything, it just sprouted these gorgeous lavender blossoms all over the grey, rotten-looking wood. I thought it was stunning. It’s like the Helen Mirren of trees. It’s not trying to hide its age; just managing to look amazing in spite (and moreover, because) of it."
(May 11, 2011, Elizabeth Newlin, Real Estate Tangent)

Thursday, October 13, 2011

The Kate Hudson of dairy products

"By now, we all know Greek yogurt is the Kate Hudson of dairy products:
Trendy. Hippy-ish. Health conscious. Loved by all."
(March 15, 2011, The Good Life)

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

The George Harrison of the Muppets

"This album has some great tracks, some not-so-great. Andrew Bird's 'Bein' Green' totally rocks, as do any songs that were sung by Gonzo in various Muppet films - he may be the George Harrison of the Muppets, and by extension, Dave Goelz. Dave doesn't get as much credit as Jim Henson and Frank Oz, but you can't pull of some of these pieces and characters without being a world-class Muppet performer."
(Sept. 22, 2011, Ryan Price and the Media)

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

The Barbara Bush of the animal kingdom

"Well a couple weeks ago I came face to beak with the Barbara Bush of the animal kingdom."
(May 5, 2009, Trees Falling in the Forest)

Monday, October 10, 2011

The Joseph Gordon-Levitt of the UN

"The nice guy: Canada. He has a big crush on France’s girl. The Joseph Gordon-Levitt of the UN, if you will. Guys, can’t we all just get along?"
(Oct. 3, 2009, World Context)

Friday, October 7, 2011

The Selena Gomez of Mexican organized crime cartels

"The Selena Gomez of Mexican organized crime cartels, The Knights Templar has issued a 22-page pocket-size 'code of conduct' the AP reports."
(July 22, 2011, El Zonkey Show)

Thursday, October 6, 2011

The Adele of database solutions

" How is this relevant to the client? They wanted to buy the Joan Osborne of database solutions, but to appear competitive to customer they (at least) should have found the Adele of database solutions. Technology changes so rapidly – what we found impressive yesterday many times is behind the times today."
(Aug. 8, 2011, Jim Dougherty, Marketing Charisma)

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

The Brad Pitt of pony colors

"I am blind for a pony. Blind. I keep going back to craigslist, just to see what is there. There are ALWAYS ponies on craigslist. Last week I drove the kids and the baby halfway around Seneca lake just to take a look at an $800 pony. She was a color they call chocolate palomino, which is kind of like the Brad Pitt of pony colors. …Sean had a fit when he found out."
(Sept. 27, 2011, theplumlots)

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

The Krist Novoselic of the moon landing

"Michael Collins was the Krist Novoselic of the moon landing."
(Feb. 5, 2010, A Man Named Uno)

Monday, October 3, 2011

The Daniel Craig of hand dryers

"In the annals of restaurant hand-dryer lore, it's questionable, probably legend. And it goes like this: The Xlerator, the Daniel Craig of hand dryers, smooth as agate, with the sex appeal of a Maserati, was frightening children at Chuck E. Cheese restaurants."
(June 27, 2011, The Schecter Report)

Friday, September 30, 2011

The Sydney Bristow of library services

"Of course, I conveniently forgot to mention the fact that I moved the summer after fourth grade, therefore my account probably would have been at my old address, but the point is -- I'm free. In fact, I'm better than free -- I'm sneaky. I'm like a library ninja. I'm like the Sydney Bristow of library services. I'm officially the person that the head librarians probably warn new librarians about, like, 'Watch out for the library ninjas who lose books, then move, then start accounts nearly a decade and a half later under a new address, thereby abdicating all of their former responsibilities as library patrons. BEWARE.' See? I totally win."
(March 7, 2011, Here I Go Again...)

Thursday, September 29, 2011

The Jerry Bruckheimer of emotional intelligence

"Dan Goleman is the Jerry Bruckheimer of emotional intelligence. The franchise has become tedious."
(May 19, 2011, Tricycle)

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

The Stephen Malkmus of the mid-1800s

"Nothing screams 'class' like talking about poetry. Screaming about poetry screams 'schizophrenia,' but talking about poetry is great, especially at cocktail parties. Below I have translated a well-known poem by respected poet Walt Whitman (the Stephen Malkmus of the mid-1800s). Internalize the meaning, even if you don’t understand the original content, and I guarantee you will be one step closer to snagging that doctor or lawyer spouse you’ve been searching for ever since you realized money doesn’t grow on trees."
(May 25, 2009, Sissy La Rue, One Night in Texas)

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

The Stevie Nicks of Israel

"About 60 kilometres west and more than 700 metres below Jerusalem, Israel's largest city, Tel Aviv, stretches along the Mediterranean, its long beaches punctuated by high-rises, like the Gold Coast. It's youthful, brash and secular - a far cry from pious, weathered Jerusalem. If Jerusalem is a little Marie Osmond, Tel Aviv is definitely the Stevie Nicks of Israel."
(Aug. 8, 2011, Andrew Taylor, The Sydney Morning Herald)

Monday, September 26, 2011

The Kylie Minogue of universities

"I’ve been shown an architects model of the completed campus, an array of neat glass blocks circled by blue water and miniature trees. It is small and perfectly formed, the Kylie Minogue of universities and a charmingly pleasant place to live and work."
(Oct. 14, 2010, My Life in Ho Chi Minh City)

Friday, September 23, 2011

The Merv Griffin of compost-themed entertainment

"That’s where Youth Radio, an Opportunity, employer has stepped in. Caitlin Grey, the Merv Griffin of compost-themed entertainment, has produced the following video to help you sort through your waste stream."
(Oct. 22, 2009, Opportunity Knocks)

Thursday, September 22, 2011

The Dabney Coleman of sport sedans

"This E350 is the Dabney Coleman of sport sedans. They both bring an air of credibity to their respective roles but both are very outdated."
(Oct. 19, 2009, The Truth About Cars)

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

The Manny Ramirez of deli meat

"Pastrami is the Manny Ramirez of deli meat. It’s delicious but hangs around too long and will kill you."
(Aug. 19, 2011, True Blue LA)

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

The LeBron of society

"LeBron may be one of, if not the greatest, basketball players of all time. But, in terms of a club — he’s a virus to a community. He’s the club that receives a lot of bad publicity, the one that doesn’t care about its members. He’s the type of club that makes a lot of money, but that’s just because of volume, not value.
Do you want your club to be the LeBron of society?"
(June 15, 2011, Tyler Montgomery, Club Solutions Magazine)

Monday, September 19, 2011

The Maya Angelou of petty diatribes

"My hyper-extended vocabulary is a direct symptom of my anxiety about not being able to say what I mean. It turns me into the Maya Angelou of petty diatribes, the Ayn Rand of personal coaching."
(Aug. 12, 2011, Moxie Mouth)

Friday, September 16, 2011

The Coldplay of classical music

"Felix Mendelssohn is the Coldplay of classical music."
(Aug. 27, 2011, A.S. Paul, Twitter)

Thursday, September 15, 2011

The Gerard Depardieu of any vaguely English film

"i agree, hugh grant is a joke. he's just the gerard depardieu of any vaguely english film (i'm sure there is some sort of legal requirement that depardieu features in any film that even has a piece of camembert in it)."
(Oct. 12, 2005, Guardian Unlimited)

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

The Nicole Kidman of the Doberman class

"Steve’s ultra-modern kennel is a very clean, stable facility that is state-of-the-art and brings forth the best dogs and puppies to their adoptive homes. When you adopt one of Family Dobes, you know that you are getting a spectacular specimen of a Doberman. In addition to puppies, Steve also offers for the person like me, a trained adult. Some of us simply don’t have the time to train a puppy or spend time playing with it. We need to be on a movie set, in an office or jetting across country to meetings. His latest adult trained offering is Heika, who simply put is the Nicole Kidman of the Doberman class. Strikingly beautiful, smart, sleek and one-of-a-kind."
(April 16, 2011, Tommy Lightfoot Garrett, Family Dobes)

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

The Stieg Larsson of cozy White-House mysteries

"Hi, Julie! So much has happened since last you were on this blog. You have become the Stieg Larsson of cozy White-House mysteries. :) How do you feel about your meteoric rise to fame?"
(Jan, 4, 2011, Julia Buckley, Mysterious Musings)

Monday, September 12, 2011

The Destiny’s Child of bad announcing

"Anyhoo, if Waldman, Sterling, and Kay were the Destiny’s Child of bad announcing, Georgie’s Girl would be Beyonce. She got robbed!"
(Feb. 1, 2009, River Avenue Blues)

Friday, September 9, 2011

The Kris Humphries of legal management tools

"Firm Manager is also willing to enter into a prenuptial agreement of sorts. (It’s like the Kris Humphries of legal management tools. Why do I know this. That’s not a question.)"
(July 6, 2011, LOMAP)

Thursday, September 8, 2011

The Johnny Carson of mixed drinks

"Look, I can’t believe we need to have this discussion, but here we are. I get that Pepsi Max is a league sponsor, but the Jack-and-Coke is an institution, something we can all turn to for its remarkable consistency in our darkest hours. It’s like the Johnny Carson of mixed drinks (Kids, ask your parents what a ‘Johnny Carson’ is.). Hell, when you get right down to it, the Jack-and-Coke is America’s cocktail, and showing it such disrespect makes you a commie pinko terrorist."
(Aug. 4, 2011, First Touch)

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

The Paul McCartney of personal locomotion

"Ah, so bikes are the Paul McCartney of personal locomotion."
(Dec. 19, 2009, MetaTalk)

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

The Anne Rice of mermaids

"I mean, there are tons of Vampire stories out there, both before and after Twilight hit the big time. But with nothing else to compete against on the subject of mermaids? DUDE. It has the potential to be bigger than Twilight. She could become the Ann Rice of mermaids - rewriting their mythology and forever impacting how they are thought of."
(April 15, 2011, Letters to Twilight)

Monday, September 5, 2011

The Michael Ian Black of The Weather Channel

"Also, I can't believe you're gonna be a TV star! I mean, it sounds like this show is gonna do for The Weather Channel what I Love the 80s did for Vh1. I mean, Hank you're gonna be huge, you're gonna be the Michael Ian Black of The Weather Channel. Who else are they gonna get to be the, like, fresh funny face of The Weather Channel?"
(Nov. 5, 2010, Vlogbrothers Transcripts)

Friday, September 2, 2011

The Brick Tamland of American politics

"Sarah Palin: the Brick Tamland of American politics."
(May 3, 2011, Deus Ex Malcontent)

Thursday, September 1, 2011

The Frank Lloyd Wright of the rodent world

"The Frank Lloyd Wright of the rodent world. Architect mouse builds a food mansion "
(Sept. 1, 2011, New Scientist, Twitter)

The Eddie Vedder of the investing world

"Either directly or through mutual funds, most people I know own shares of large-cap stocks like General Electric (GE), Merck (MRK), Oracle (ORCL) or Exxon Mobil (XOM). But I would be hard pressed to think of one who owns Barrick Gold (ABX), Placer Dome (PDG), or some of the smaller metals companies that dot the American Stock Exchange. But if you’re looking for an alternative to equities or the Standard & Poor’s 500, look no further. Gold is the Eddie Vedder of the investing world."
(Oct. 19, 2009, ZF Capital)

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

The Conan the Barbarian of French fries

"The Anvil is the Conan the Barbarian of French fries. Its Thick, dangerous, intense and brings about the lamentations of the women. Preparing to eat this requires war planning."
(Feb. 2, 2011, Burger Contest)

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

The Jesse Pinkman of cats

"This guy is like the Jesse Pinkman of cats."
(Aug. 19, 2011, I'll Be Waiting)

Monday, August 29, 2011

The John Cusack of however the world ends

"It's hard not to get a kick out of the apocalypse. I don't mean the real apocalypse, whatever that may be. I hold out little hope that I will be the John Cusack of however the world ends, steering limousines and aircraft away from cities as they collapse into the earth. No, I'll probably be one of those background figures who you see for an instant, tumbling through the air. You'll know which one is me — I'll be snapping photos with my iPad on my way down."
(April 28, 2011, Max Sparber, MinnPost)

Friday, August 26, 2011

The Marvin the Martian of Roman governors

"I feel sorry for Pilate. He was the kind of guy who just kept screwing up. He was, in effect, the Marvin the Martian of Roman governors, his delusions of power and grandeur constantly blowing up in his face."
(April 21, 2011, Joshua Smith, Everyday Revolutionary)

Thursday, August 25, 2011

The Don Cheadle of friends

"I can't carry a conversation to save my life..I'm like the Don Cheadle of friends. I can't really carry a movie on my own, but I'm a hell of a scene stealer."
(Aug. 18, 2006, Synchronicity)

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

The Charles Xavier of football chants

"We have all become accustomed to the now world-known 'P*ta,' that makes its appearance every time the opposing goalkeeper parts ways with the ball during the game. El Fua is the P*ta's Kryptonite, what Batman is to the Joker, the Charles Xavier of football chants; all Superhero metaphors aside, it is the counterpart to the p*ta chant that some tend to love and others hate."
(July 12, 2011, Edgar Alvarez, FMF State of Mind)

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

The Tyra Banks of the hamster family

"Though i must say that rat is one animal that i can not stand, but this hamster (which im still having trouble not to categorize it in my enemy list) just so cute with its high-fashion pose.Literally, this hamster was a hearthrob, as whenever i click the camera button, he always stop for pose. Its like the Tyra Banks of the hamster family."
(Feb. 12, 2011, Fast and Furious)

Monday, August 22, 2011

The Darth Maul of penis lightsabers

"I just hope, that some day, I can be the Darth Maul of penis lightsabers."
(June 24, 2011,
"Putting on a Glow in the Dark Condom and Calling Yourself a Jedi Knight," Facebook)

Sunday, August 21, 2011

The Alec Baldwin of brownies

"A revelation! These brownies are getting better with age. They are the Alec Baldwin of brownies."
(July 18, 2011, Stella Newman's Brownies)

Saturday, August 20, 2011

The Brian Eno of healthy breakfast burritos

"I'm the Brian Eno of healthy breakfast burritos."
(Aug 20, 2011, Dan Cronin, Twitter)

Friday, August 19, 2011

The Captain Kirk of inebriation

"Indulging in a ginger julep or one of their carefully selected craft drafts in one of these babies, like the Captain Kirk of inebriation, will get you through the evening."
(Nov. 30, 2010, The Loop Scoop)

Thursday, August 18, 2011

The Yo-Yo Ma of the rest of lunch

"Next, we trekked to a ger camp for lunch. The beef, salad, rice, and fries were hands down the best food we have had yet - a delectable symphony of flavors, each note playing softly on all the right taste buds. The classic milk tea accompanied the meal, and tasted like warm milk with a sprinkling of extra salty sweat (the Ke$ha to the Yo-Yo Ma of the rest of lunch)."
(June 5, 2011, Pages From My Passport)

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

The Peter Pan of Australian student politics

"The very dream of the uni student political activist. He can be a ratbag for as long as he can keep the dollars flowing in. In other words, he is the Peter Pan of Australian student politics."
(May 20, 2011, Catallaxy Files)

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

The Cee Lo of the Gospel

"Thanks for responding. I understand, yet my original question Who determines what is profanity?! I have read an acronym once for where the f word originated from. I won’t post it because I respect this man of God (Pastor Lewis) page. However, if the acronym is true, then somewhere along the line it was perverted. Please understand I am not defending the speaker by any means. I just think at times we are quick to call things evil , profane, worldly without truly taking a look at it. Honestly, he (the speaker) may not realize that he is wrong. BUT, if he is indeed attempting to be the CEE-LO of the Gospel, then yeah I think there is some carnality in his preaching. But, if he has good intentions and is truly attempting to reach the people, I get it. Just my opinion though."
(March 23, 2011, Welcome to Ex Times)

Monday, August 15, 2011

The Keith Richards of concrete floors

"This whole project was correction of construction errors, as the building was originally a laundromat, had probably half a dozen cold joints, plumbing trenches, and holes and was a generally haggard 50-some-year old slab. It was the Keith Richards of concrete floors. The worst part was a combination of slabs in the floor with about a 2" ridge. More on that later: let's start at the front door."
(May 5, 2011, Concrete Times)

Saturday, August 13, 2011

The Rosa Parks of truck nuts

"The Rosa Parks of Truck Nuts"
(Aug. 9, 2011, Lary Wallace, The Faster Times)

Friday, August 12, 2011

The Matt Damon of muppets

"Grover, pfffft! He’s the Matt Damon of muppets. Kind of pretty but really really stupid."
(Oct. 12, 2010, Support Your Local Gunfighter)

Thursday, August 11, 2011

The Will Ferrell of professional wrestling

"Backstage, the Will Ferrell of profressional wrestling is being silly with Sting. He wants to merge the world titles and be intergalactic world champion. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!!! SOOOOOOOOOOO FUNNY!!!!! Sting asks if Eric saw what happened earlier. Eric said he was watching Who’s The Boss. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! IT’S FUNNY BECAUSE WHO’S THE BOSS IS AN OLD SHOW!!!"
(June 9, 2011, Blair A. Douglas, Inside Pulse Wrestling)

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

The Danny McBride of central Europe

"This is a joke, right? This guy is the Danny McBride of central Europe, right? Right?"
(May 9, 2011, Videogum)

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

The Ron Swanson of friendships

"I can cut a person out of my life with great ease. I’m a great friend (if I don’t say so myself), I’m forgiving, and while we’re being honest I can be a complete asshole. If we can’t work out whats ailing this relationship, I become the Ron Swanson of friendships 'Slash it, Slash it' BOOM! you’re gone."
(July 7, 2011, The Surly Otter)

Monday, August 8, 2011

The topless Helen Mirren of writing credits

"To put it in terms we can all appreciate: this is the topless Helen Mirren of writing credits. Classy and wonderful."
(Robert Ben Garant & Thomas Lennon, Writing Movies for Fun and Profit, p. 124)

Friday, August 5, 2011

The Dirk Nowitzki of gerontology

"Off to keep typing and write those papers now...As the Mavs' unmatched leader Coach Carlisle said last night, the Mavs said all year that "it's not about what you can't do; it's about what you can do." So it's time for me to be the Dirk Nowitzki of gerontology. Have a Shiner for me Dallas!!!"
(June 13, 2011, Eric Moves to Israel)

Thursday, August 4, 2011

The Venus Williams of sex

"The Mister and I managed to bump uglies 5 out of seven nights this week (you can read all about it here, here, and here). There was a time, back when we were first together, when I would have considered this a dry spell. Nowadays it makes me feel like some sort of sex champion. I’m like the Venus Williams of sex. Someone should give me a trophy. Instead I will celebrate my victory by bestowing upon you my hard won sex wisdom."
(Feb. 21, 2011, Samantha Schoech, BabyCenter)

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

The R. Kelly of Asgard

"Joshua Dallas on his character: 'Fandral would like to think of himself as the R. Kelly of Asgard. He’s a lover, not a fighter. You know what I’m saying? I’ve seen ‘Trapped in The Closet’ and ‘Keep it on the Down Low.’ All that kind of stuff.' Say what now?"
(May 5, 2011, Recording Live from Somewhere...)

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

The Rupert Murdoch of hamburgers

"In summary, this whole burger drama talking place between David (Milk Burger) and Goliath (Shake Shack) could prove profitable for one business here. Milk Burger just opened. They are not the Rupert Murdoch of hamburgers. I believe the owner. It was an honest mistake. He probably just looked at the material that was presented to him for sign off and quickly approved it. Now there is only one place to potentially go from here when you’re starting a business at the bottom…and that’s up!"
(July 20, 2011, HarlemGal Inc.)

Monday, August 1, 2011

The Jack White of beer

"I look at Stone Brew like the Jack White of beer – they simply can’t do wrong. Double Bastard actually raises their own standards and, my friend, I think they made the perfect beer."
(May 3, 2011, Hungry in Houston)

Friday, July 29, 2011

The Ralph Waldo Emerson of shooting people in their stupid faces

"Instead of freaking out, put yourself in a better mindset: you’re the Gandhi of gaming. You’re the Dalai Lama of digital destruction. You’re the Ralph Waldo Emerson of shooting people in their stupid faces. If you’re losing your cool, you’re going to continue to lose at the game. So, focus. You can do that. I know you can because you do it all the time before you want to rage-quit. You know you can do it too."
(Jan. 11, 2011, Joey Hefilch, Piki Geek)

Thursday, July 28, 2011

The LeBron James of sleep

"I used to be an enviable sleeper. It was what I could do. Some can dance, sing, decipher knitting instructions and make a sweater---I could sleep. Deeply. Easily. I was the Lebron James of sleep. In fact, if the Olympics included a sleeping event, I would have represented the U.S. proudly and come home with a gold."
(April 12, 2011, Susan Szold, Susan Says)

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

The Bugs Bunny of medieval murder

"I still don't understand exactly what Morgan's relationship with Evil Nun is all about, but I know I loved her whole frail old woman routine this episode. She's like the Bugs Bunny of medieval murder or something with her trickery."
(May 2, 2011, Mindy Monez, Television Without Pity)

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

The Bruce Wayne of microbes

"Plus, until the Batmobile is superseded as the most desirable car of all time, we might as well encourage the Bruce Wayne of microbes to do what it does best. Given the amount of energy Lovley and associates have managed to produce from selected Geobacter microbes, its powers may someday be harnessed under the hood on the road to a cleaner, brighter future."
(March 28, 2011, Suzanne Winter, Small Things Considered)

Monday, July 25, 2011

The David Hasselhoff of eating shit off the floor

"My dog is the David Hasselhoff of eating shit off the floor."
(July 23, 2011,
Shari Vanderwerf, Twitter)

The Chewbacca of shoes

"I think he got too cocky with the Jeffrey Campbell Roks shoe... he simply took this one a step too far... The Chewbacca of shoes."
(April 22, 2011, Et Cetera)

Friday, July 22, 2011

The Michael Phelps of forgetting to bring a towel to the gym, then having to shame-dry with a hand towel

"I'm the Michael Phelps of forgetting to bring a towel to the gym, then having to shame-dry with a hand towel."
(July 22, 2011,
Adrienne Valenza, Twitter)

The Victoria Beckham of crusts

"Mmmm, I went to lunch today at Savor Healthy Pizza in Norwalk, Conn. This place is all organic, has vegan options and the thinnest of the thin crust. Seriously, they have the Victoria Beckham of crusts. And, they have whole wheat, spelt (spelt!!!), and gluten-free corn crusts. Bangerang, Rufio!"
(July 7, 2011, Sexy Tofu)

Thursday, July 21, 2011

The Shia LaBeouf of dinosaurs

"Goddamn velociraptor! You remember the fizzy dinosaur egg from the other day? Well here's another one, except this one was orange and doubly fizzy (and refreshing). Inside, lying in wait was the most evil and clever bastard of all dinosaurs, the raptor. We really should thank the real Stephen Spielberg for this, because prior to Jurassic Park, nobody knew what the hell a velociraptor was. But now, thanks to Stephen Spielberg, they are among the most famous of dinosaurs. This makes the velociraptor the Shia LaBeouf of dinosaurs. In fact, before Jurassic Park, they were known as VelociCRAPtors."
(Dec 21, 2008, Luke Milton Writes)

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

The Bela Lugosi of ocean science

"The positive changes described in this book make it a bit more optimistic than the grim predictions of Jeremy Jackson, the Bela Lugosi of ocean science, who focuses on what's disappearing from our oceans, and presumably gone forever."
(April 3, 2011, Mark Powell, Blogfish)

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

The David Stern of the universe

"How blessed it is to know that the our Coach is Omnipotent. And since He has unlimited power, God is not only our coach but the David Stern of the universe. And just like at least two of the NBA teams have done, our Commissioner can pick us up, move us to a better place, and give us a new name. This is comforting because despite how bad things have gotten, what happened, or who/what you lost….its not over until He says so. Beloved, its important to remember the playoff/war is fixed. He has already ordered for you to have the victory. (if you just do what He says)"
(April 28, 2011, Wheat Street Baptist Church)

Monday, July 18, 2011

The Colin Farrell of the chicken world

"There is no finer sight than Colin strutting around the orchard while the girls make eyes at him. Colin the Cockerel he may be but he's the Colin Farrell of the chicken world, ruggedly handsome but with just a hint of danger. I couldn't bear to eat him. So if anyone wants a rather splendid black cockerel who is sure to keep the ladies happy let me know."
(Jan 13, 2011, The River Cottage Diaries)

Friday, July 15, 2011

The Johnny Depp of the ocean

"There is something sexy about scallops; they are the Johnny Depp of the ocean. Although not really when they are raw; here is my outdoor eating experience with raw scallops."
(Feb. 18, 2011, Our Kitchen)

Thursday, July 14, 2011

The Ben Bradlee of phone hacking

"The Ben Bradlee of Phone Hacking 'Guardian' editor Alan Rusbridger wouldn't let investigation die"
(July 14, 2011, Dylan Byers, Adweek)

The Ralph Lauren of kangaroos

"Now saying this in a forum full of tech designers may sound treasonous, but at the end of the day, the hardest thing to do is to sell the stuff for a profit. As you develop your product, keep that daunting task in mind. Don’t use crappy hang tags and labels. The devil is in the details. Of course if your clothing would only fit a kangaroo, then you have a pretty serious problem. You can be saved from being the Ralph Lauren of kangaroos by following the rules as Kathleen points out."
(Jan. 4, 2011, Jay Arbetman, Fashion Incubator)

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

The Brett Favre of daytime television

"Do we really think she can stay away? She’s going to be the Brett Favre of daytime television, minus the penis texts. God, I hope it’s minus the penis texts."
(May 25, 2011, The Bro Show)

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

The Louis C.K. of bad QBs

"(Aside: there's been lots and lots of terrible quarterback play all across the board this year, but nobody does it with as much zeal as Jay Cutler. He's the Louis CK of bad QBs - he makes me laugh more than anyone else.)"
(Oct. 17, 2010, Tiger Woods Fist Pump)

Monday, July 11, 2011

The Aristotle of urine bottles

"The Socrates of Fromunda Cheese. The Aristotle of Urine Bottles."
(May 18, 2011, The Diary of Daedalus)

Friday, July 8, 2011

The Joan of Arc of illicit office romance

"She came in early and slipped the note under a patient file on his desk. She felt sad, but resolute, almost martyr-like. She was doing the right thing. She was the Joan of Arc of illicit office romance."
(April 20, 2011, allthingsdecent, Livejournal)

Thursday, July 7, 2011

The Tupac of economics bloggers

"Recreational drugs certainly seem to evoke creativity; Freud was likely high as a weather balloon when he first used the term subconscious. If Robin Hanson is a typical post-parental economist, I’d think that children probably have a similar creative effect, as Wolfers suggests. RH churns out for innovative theory on this blog than most economics departments produce in total. He’s like the Tupac of economics bloggers, to the extent that I’d expect new ideas to keep popping out long after he’s been cryonically frozen."
(June 17, 2011, Overcoming Bias)

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

The Paris Hilton of waterfalls

"The coast of Northland is one huge expanse of beach after another and we spent most of the weekend driving from one to the next, smugly remarking on how lucky we were to live within such close proximity of so many beautiful places and having the fortune to travel in such style (did I mention that we really like our van?!). En route we visited what the locals call the 'Paris Hilton of waterfalls' – not the most beautiful waterfall in New Zealand, but the most photographed."
(June 23, 2011, Alex and Tash's Big Trip)

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

The Bjorn Borg of the smorgasbord

"Shea on Chestnut - 'He can pick up his 5th straight and be the Bjorn Borg of the smorgasbord.'"
(Matt Yoder, July 5, 2011, Awful Announcing)

The Gary Busey of herbs

"Dill. The Gary Busey of herbs."
(July 5, 2011, Dwight Garner, Twitter)

The Yogi Berra of German theologians

"Luther was the Yogi Berra of German theologians."
(June 13, 2011, Pastoral Meanderings)

Monday, July 4, 2011

The Rod Blagojevich of the horse world

"HSUS bears a chunk of the responsibility for the tragedy of animal suffering and abandonment that has befallen the magnificent equine. It was at the front of the ill-fated closure of horse slaughter plants, which severely diminished the value of all horses. HSUS is the Rod Blagojevich of the horse world."
(Oct. 6, 2010, Frank DuBois, The Westerner)

Friday, July 1, 2011

The Nostradamus of emoticons

"Vladimir Nabokov: The Nostradamus of emoticons"
(July 1, 2011, Maggie Koerth-Baker, Boing Boing)

The Carlos Mencia of clairvoyant robots

"So why is the Web-bot predicting a cataclysmic event in 2012? Because end of the world alarmists are flooding the Internet with tons of information alleging some apocalyptic occurrence in 2012, that's why. Seriously, it's the Carlos Mencia of clairvoyant robots."
(June 11, 2009, Luis Prada, Cracked)

Thursday, June 30, 2011

The Nolan Ryan of rom-coms

"A case could be made that Reynolds simply had bad luck, a bad agent, or both. Switch him with Cooper in The Hangover and what happens? It's the exact same movie, only with Reynolds getting the subsequent career bump instead of Cooper. His best performance happened as part of an ensemble cast in 2009's Adventureland, a quality dramedy that tanked despite excellent reviews. His most successful movie was 2009's The Proposal, a Sandra Bullock vehicle from beginning to end (and the one that established her as the Nolan Ryan of rom-coms)."
(June 30, 2011, Bill Simmons, Grantland)

The Rihanna of comic book writers

"We also have a huge load of comics discussion: Fear Itself, Flashpoint, and the Marvel Ultimate Comics re-launch. We share how some of us met Nick Spencer (he’s the Rihanna of comic book writers and creator of the hit comic Morning Glories!), and hear about all the naughty Green Lanterns caught in the act during War of the Green Lanterns!"
(June 1, 2011, Nerdy Show)

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

The Justin Timberlake of classic French literature

"See this? It’s a flashmob in Poland of people singing 'One Day More' from Les Miserables. It’s totes calculated — it was set up to promote the show — but we don’t even care. Wait for the moment when Enjolrasthe Justin Timberlake of classic French literature — starts singing and a bunch of little girls start screaming. Our thoughts exactly, gals. Our thoughts exactly."
(May 20, 2011, The Craptacular)

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

The Fran Drescher of batshit-crazy, Bible-thumpin' governors

"She's the Fran Drescher of batshit-crazy, Bible-thumpin' governors."
(March 26, 2009, TPM)

Monday, June 27, 2011

The Smokey Robinson of the NBA

"Is Lenny Wilkens the Smokey Robinson of the NBA?"
(June 27, 2011, Ben Greenman, Twitter)

The Def Leppard of management consulting

"It’s a bold claim, I know. Metz Consulting is the Def Leppard of management consulting. Say what you will. You know it’s true. We have substantiated four points below to demonstrate how we have achieved competency at this level of 'rock'."
(Nov. 17, 2009, Metz Consulting)

Sunday, June 26, 2011

The Leon Trotsky of competitive Candy Land players

"@grahamfoust the Leon Trotsky of competitive Candy Land players"
(June 26, 2011, Sean Bishop, Twitter)

The Kardashian of breakfast foods

"The French toast I just made is an abomination against the world. It is the Kardashian of breakfast foods."
(June 26, 2011, A.S. Paul, Twitter)

Friday, June 24, 2011

The John Holmes of Eskimo kissing

"I wonder if Adrien Brody is like the John Holmes of Eskimo kissing."
(June 24, 2011,
Julius Sharpe, Twitter)

The Thomas Edison of meat

"For some reason, whenever I grill, I find myself in the situation of having more burgers than buns. This is fine for the actual BBQ, because there’s always enough food to go around, but things get awkward when it comes time to eat the leftovers. Somewhere towards the bottom of the pile of refrigerated patties, you run out of buns, and that’s when you turn into the Thomas Edison of meat. You’re wrapping patties in pita bread. You’re sticking them between english muffins. You’re breaking them into your cereal. You’re willing to try whatever you can do to use them up without actually making, you know, hamburgers."
(May 17, 2011, The Blogging)

Thursday, June 23, 2011

The Howard Stern of mommy manuals

"The main point is, we all spend a lot of time judging other people for how they parent and the result is people like Tiger Lady capitalizing on it in the form of radical parenting books. She’s counting on people who think she has a good idea to buy her books and flock to her signings. She’s also counting on people who think everything about her sucks to show up at her events and yell at her and generate press. She’s a parenting shock-jock, the Howard Stern of mommy manuals. And just like I can’t worked up about Howard Stern, I can’t get worked up about her either. I’ve got my own kid to raise my own way."
(June 24, 2011, Mom-In-A-Million)

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

The Dr. Phil of my ass cheeks

"@weirdoboy729 You’re the Dr. Phil of my ass cheeks. <3 see you tomorrow honey."
(June 2, 1011, Funny Cat

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

The Donald Rumsfeld of the DC Universe

"Even when I did have strong ideas, they would quickly be watered down or weakened -- sometimes through editorial guidance, sometimes through my own misguided attempts to produce what I imagined DC wanted. I don't know. Maybe if I'd just said ‘Damn it, I want to write these comics the way I wrote Pickle -- slow and meandering and playful and personal, with very little violence or macho posturing and plenty of sitting around discussing the meaning of life!’ -- maybe they'd have been thrilled. Or if I'd written about Batman as the Donald Rumsfeld of the DC Universe, and his ‘war on crime’ as analogous to the ‘war on terror,’ about the need to end drug prohibition, about the way fetishising violence poisons and corrupts lives and societies -- maybe my editors would have said ‘hooray -- at last he's doing what we hired him for!’ [Spurgeon laughs] But because I never had the courage or wherewithal to do that (and because I'd spent so long struggling financially!), I will never know."
(Dec. 30, 2010, Dylan Horracks, The Comics Reporter)