Tuesday, August 31, 2010

The Snooki of the British aristocracy

"With her booze-sniffing SCRAM anklet foiling alcohol ingestion, Lindsay Lohan 'has turned to caffeine for her latest kicks', slamming eight cans of Red Bull a day and chainsmoking cigarettes, tweeting 'red bulls and waters and work – my new bffs hehe'. LiLo’s other BFF is British reality flameout Lady Victoria Hervey (LaVi?) who will appear on season 2 of tragic Tinsley Mortimer vehicle High Society, with whom LiLo sunbathed over Memorial Day weekend. Basically, LiLo’s new best friend is the Snooki of the British aristocracy, and Lindsay will soon be the J-Woww of Hollywood. (If she isn’t already?)"
(June 2, 2010, Maureen O'Connor, Defamer)

Monday, August 30, 2010

The Hugh Hefner of divorce porn

"The Hugh Hefner of divorce porn is Elizabeth Gilbert, of course. She helped popularize the recent surge. Her 2006 memoir, 'Eat, Pray, Love,' uses her painful divorce at 32 as a starting point for an exuberant yearlong 'search for everything' across Italy, India and Indonesia, including lavish meals, romantic affairs and a happy ending in the arms of an exotic man (also divorced)."
(Aug. 27, 2010, Bruce Feiler, The New York Times)

The A-Rod of afterschool specials

"Student Confidential is very much like an after school special…on steroids. In fact, it I would call it the A-Rod of after school specials in how the makers of the film are trying to covey these messages in such an in your face way."
(Jan. 22, 2010, Paracinema)

Sunday, August 29, 2010

The Woody Allen of the solar system

"Is Pluto 'the Woody Allen of the solar system'?"
(Jan. 13, 2010, Jeff Baker, OregonLive.com)

Saturday, August 28, 2010

The Katharine Hepburn of flowering plants

"I think of bacopa as something like the Katherine Hepburn of flowering plants--tough as nails and always darned good looking. That's my take on bacopa!"
(Sept. 11, 2008, Mike Skillin, Skillin's Garden Log)

Friday, August 27, 2010

The Fidel Castro of office furniture

"Reviled by workers, demonized by designers, disowned by its very creator, it still claims the largest share of office furniture sales--$3 billion or so a year--and has outlived every 'office of the future' meant to replace it. It is the Fidel Castro of office furniture."
(March 22, 2006, Julie Schlosser, Fortune)

Thursday, August 26, 2010

The Jimmy McNulty of fruit

"It's astounding. Quinces are fleeting. Madness takes its toll. When you realise that you've just come to truly love the fruit and there's none to be found, not a damn skerrick, for a whole year. Like some kind of token gesture from Mother Nature to say sorry for ending summer, quinces appear with autumn, but unlike the terrible weather, their time with us is ridiculously brief. They're like the Jimmy McNulty of fruit, charming but unreliable, showing up at random intervals to steal your heart then run off again. I mean, I saw them at the supermarket and a week later there were no more. I didn't even see them at all at the vege markets this year, although I was out of town one weekend. So you have to live every fruit as if it's your last."
(March 27, 2010, Laura Vincent, Hungry and Frozen)

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

The Wolf Blitzer of breakfast options

"To be honest, I think Good Friends Cereal is the Wolf Blitzer of breakfast options and I'm offended. Thanks, Google. I'll see you at the The Cracker Barrel….apparently."
(Jan. 25, 2010, makinpaper.com, link dead)

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

The Bea Arthur of the Kardashians

"I can’t believe that Lamar Odom who is a freaking Laker, can’t do better than Khloe Kardashian. She is the Bea Arthur of the Kardashians."
(June 4, 2010, The Superficial)

Monday, August 23, 2010

The Derek Jeter of Christianity

"Jesus Is The Derek Jeter Of Christianity
He's good at what he does (for Jeter, it's baseball; for Jesus, it's healing the sick or whatever). People love him. He says and does the right things at all the right times."
(Sept. 16, 2009, Deadspin)

Sunday, August 22, 2010

The Frank Drebin of Middle Eastern autocrats

"Contrast his bumbling randomness with the commanding, focused presence of the late Ayatollah Khomeini. Khomeini was a convincing menace. By comparison, Ahmadinejad looks like a dullard who buys his suits off the rack from J.C. Penney’s, the Frank Drebin of Middle Eastern autocrats. Were it not for the fact that he is in charge of a potential nuclear threat, he would be hard to take seriously."
(Sept. 25, 2007, Give 'Em Enough Rope)

Saturday, August 21, 2010

The Dr. Evil of shortbread

"Then I realised the potential of lavender! And yes I maybe about 20 years behind everyone and I'm sure you all realised that lavender was great for cooking with and blah blah but whatever, I only just realised ok! So what if I put lavender in my shortbread??? Genius, I thought to myself during another shortbread plotting session at work, genius. By this point I really was starting to feel like the Dr Evil of shortbread..."
(Dec. 3, 2009, The Little Welsh Eats the Big World)

Friday, August 20, 2010

The Ted Danson of fucking pillows

"Or you can start fucking pillows. That’s the way society seems to be heading, so you’d probably be ahead of the trend. Maybe make a name for yourself. You could be the Ted Danson of fucking pillows."
(March 30, 2010, Chris Bucholz, Cracked)

Thursday, August 19, 2010

The Wilt Chamberlain of bad suits

"No matter how low the bar gets, Sager always manages to limbo his way under it. If you think about it, Sager is the Wilt Chamberlain of bad suits. He's putting up numbers so unthinkable that nobody will ever, ever reach them."
(May 18, 2010, Basketbawful)

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

The Michael Cera of French dips

"Certainly not the best looking French dip ever, not the ugliest. The Michael Cera of French dips? I think its appearance was damaged by the pickle which was given to me."
(March 27, 2010, Mark Irish, Markaeology)

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

The Lewis Black of chocolate beers

"Pizza Port Chocolate Stout – Oh Yike. This has nothing to do with beer. It's a chocolate cordial in liquid form. The Lewis Black of chocolate beers. Unsweet bakers chocolate with alcohol and bitter citric finish. Forced rather than balanced."
(Sept. 21, 2009, Indiana Beer)

Monday, August 16, 2010

The Queen Elizabeth of lounge pants

"At least your pants are zebra print. Those are TOTALLY classy. It is like the Queen Elizabeth of lounge pants."
(April 14, 2010, Loralee's Looney Tunes)

Friday, August 13, 2010

The Elmer Fudd of the War on Terror

"This guy is the Elmer Fudd of the War on Terror."
(June 24, 2010, Gothamist)

Thursday, August 12, 2010

The Yoda of strap-ons

"Now don't get me wrong, I'm not bitching. But it's odd to be the Yoda of Strap-Ons. I mean seriously, why do I have to break everyone in on all their weird kinks? I feel as if I should have an infomercial looping on the CW at 4 a.m."
(June 5, 2010, Passport to Veronica-land)

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

The Conan the Barbarian of Twitter

"@hush6 Beats my old nickname, the Conan the Barbarian of Twitter."
(Aug. 11, 2010,
Alexis Madrigal, Twitter)

The Oscar Wilde of mental conditions

"It’s not like it’s much more serious and really rather boring older brother 'depression', which can have someone on the bridge at midnight, looking down into the icy waters below. No, melancholy is more of a fashion statement, something that can be switched on and off at a whim, the Oscar Wilde of mental conditions."
(March 1, 2010, Robert Leeming)

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

The Danny DeVito of months

"Even though February is the Danny Devito of months, this still would be a challenge for the average 20-something. How many times per week do you usually drink socially? I think the best way to approach this is to take it one week at a time."
(March 31, 2010, The Middle Finger Project)

Monday, August 9, 2010

The Jackie Collins of tax law textbooks

"Meet the Jackie Collins of tax law textbooks: http://ow.ly/2n6QJ"
(Aug. 9, 2010, Misty Harris, Twitter)

The James Dean of donuts

"the james dean of donuts."
(May 2, 2010, etherjag, Flickr)

Friday, August 6, 2010

The Mini-Me of sea serpents

"The blue ringed octopus is the mini-me of sea serpents."
(Feb. 3, 2010, Huffington Post)

Thursday, August 5, 2010

The Chris Rock of satyrs

"Percy's pals Annabeth (Alexandra Daddario) and Grover (Brandon T. Jackson) are also tweaked to grab hipper, older teens. Think 'Xena: Warrior Princess' meets the Chris Rock of satyrs and that sums up these sidekicks and the crowd they should pull in."
(May 13, 2010, Pulp's Movie Reviews)

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

The Tom Petty of microwavable foods

"Looking at the photo, two things should be apparent. First, on a purely visual level, this is the Tom Petty of microwavable foods. Second - and relatedly - the meal on the box does not look like the meal in my bowl."
(March 27, 2009, Justin B., ...from the front burner)

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

The Mark Wahlberg of holidays

"As a kid you would get candy; unless you got toothbrushes from pretentious dentists. Or maybe you were like me and lived by creepy farmers who chased you with pitchforks because grain alcohol makes a 4'6'' Frankenstein a feasible reality. Halloween was great as a kid because candy was everything; but even as you got older you still loved it, just for a different reason. Halloween evolved... it’s like the Mark Wahlberg of Holidays. (In the sense that as a kid, you loved Marky Mark's work with the Funky Bunch, but now you really appreciate his dramatic acting abilities in films like The Departed.)"
(Nov. 1, 2007, The Truth Brush)

Monday, August 2, 2010

The Louis C.K. of poetry criticism

"News at Eleven: But [David] Lehman's particular theme this year is the state of poetry criticism, and he doesn't hold back: 'Poetry criticism at its worst today,' Lehman asserts, 'is mean in spirit and spiteful in intent,' and he goes on from there to apply an especially vigorous flogging to the critic William Logan, who is sort of the Louis C.K. of poetry criticism, and who has written, for example, that reading the work of C.K. Williams is 'like watching a dog eat its own vomit.'"
(Sept. 22, 2009, Rus Bowden, Poetry & Poets in Rags)