Thursday, September 30, 2010

The Eric Cartman of lame duck Republican senators

"The Eric Cartman of lame duck republican senators is continuing to petulantly pitch a fit and is escalating his rhetoric."
(Feb. 10, 2010, Michael Bersin, Show Me Progress)

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

The Snoopy of the X-Men

"I never really fell in love with Wolverine. I mean, I liked him, but he was like the Snoopy of the X-Men -- the minor character who got so popular he took over the whole franchise. I secretly enjoyed it when Magneto would take control of his metal-laced skeleton and crumple him into a little ball, then squeeze the adamantium out of him like squeezing juice out of a lime. How'd'ya like that, bub!"
(May 14, 2009, Lev Grossman, Techland)

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

The LeBron James of worldwide military forces

"The United States Armed Forces is clearly the 'LeBron James' of worldwide military forces. LeBron made an interesting and debatable decision recently. He chose to give up a considerable amount of money to team up with two of the strongest, most talented players in the NBA."
(Aug. 5, 2010, Brad Tusing, Spacesaver)

Monday, September 27, 2010

The Veronica Mars of infielders

"11. Mark Teahan, 3B, Royals -- The Veronica Mars of infielders, who would be a star if he didn’t play on baseball’s equivalent of the CW. He had a great run last season before surgery ended his season, and he’s got a good chance for 25 dingers and 90+ RBIs."
(March 27, 2007, Circle Jerk at the Square Dance)

Sunday, September 26, 2010

The Rosa Parks of boobies

"It seems to me that if a man can walk down the sidewalk without a shirt on and not get arrested, a woman should be able to also. I don't think you can have laws that discriminate based on gender in America. If I were a woman, I would do it and become the Rosa Parks of boobies."
(Aug. 28, 2010,

Saturday, September 25, 2010

The Ricky Bobby of masculine sales pitches

"This ad’s the Ricky Bobby of masculine sales pitches. Taken at face value, its character and attitudes are offensive, but you don’t have to look too hard to realize the ad makes fun of everything it supposedly endorses. From the absurd sailboat picture to the telepathically-induced fire to the use of Bruce Campbell himself, the whole piece is a send-up of macho advertising. Put another way, Old Spice is asking men to identify with a campaign laughing at ads like the Man laws."
(Feb. 3, 2007, PAB)

Friday, September 24, 2010

The Laurence Olivier of Jamaican drug overlords

"When Basil Wallace stepped on screen as crazy rasta 'Screwface', my life was forever altered. Here was a villain not to be fucked with – a bug-eyed scenery masticator in the glorious tradition of old. The misguided fools in Hollywood may have proclaimed 'Marked for Death' a Steven Seagal picture, but it was the Basil Wallace show every inch of the way. Shining ten times brighter than any other actor on screen, Basil was incandescent as Seagal's counterpart. In short, he was the Laurence Olivier of Jamaican drug overlords."
(Ja. 30, 2008, David Bussell, Blog Tired)

Thursday, September 23, 2010

The Michael Ian Black of Facebook status updates

"AMELIA X: My Facebook friend. Not sure how I know her. Through Megan, I think. Hands down, the funniest writer of Facebook status updates. The Michael Ian Black of Facebook status updates. Often 'shares' TNB pieces."
(Feb. 18, 2010, Greg Olear, The Nervous Breakdown)

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

The Alec Baldwin of melted sandwich cheese

"Provolone is the Alec Baldwin of melted sandwich cheese. Mozzarella is just Bill Pullman or Paxton, whichever."
(March 4, 2009, The Baltimore Sun)

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

The Optimus Prime of lunch bags

"The '5G of lunch bags' looks more like the Optimus Prime of lunch bags. There was nothing wrong with your set up in the first place. I’d use that old yellow bag until the handles disintegrated in my hands."
(Aug. 26, 2010, DavisW's Blog)

Monday, September 20, 2010

The Justin Timberlake of plagues

"At this point you’re probably wondering what plague would be popular enough to go solo and have it’s own merchandising. You know, which one would be the 'Justin Timberlake' of plagues? Well…"
(March 27, 2010, Project Absurd)

Sunday, September 19, 2010

The Uma Thurman of Boggle

"I lost big time at boggle. If I remember the score correctly - choo:91, dan:90, me:33. I am not giving up, though. I am going to hone my skills by practicing day and night. I am going to be the Uma Thurman of Boggle."
(Feb. 11, 2005, Wisdom Teeth Says)

Saturday, September 18, 2010

The John C. Reilly of cruciferous vegetables

"The John C. Reilly of cruciferous vegetables, chard falls between its better-known siblings, spinach and beets. Like Reilly, chard often plays a supporting role to starring ingredients such as tofu or exotic miniature chickens. Unlike Reilly, it comes in a variety of colors."
(Jan. 27, 2009, Terministic Screen)

Friday, September 17, 2010

The David Mamet of Top Chef

"Things go along much as they have for the last episodes. Amanda runs screaming and bewildered around the kitchen, beset by technical difficulties—or more accurately, plagued by her misuse of common kitchen machinery and blaming it on the machines. (No wonder someday they will rebel.) Kenny reiterates his beastliness. The eyebrows of Ed Cotton and the eyebrows of Kevin of New Jersey/Philly/New York get into a wriggling fight until they collapse into a furrowed brow of exhaustion. The only difference—and it is not really all that different—is Angelo Sosa's increased assistance to competitors like Bobby from King of the Hill he deems weak. Sosa is the David Mamet of Top Chef, a constantly scheming con man fueled by ambition and blind rage that he was made a cuckold by the unbearably smug Queens native Eddie Cotton."
(July 22, 2010, Joshua David Stein, Gawker)

Thursday, September 16, 2010

The Satan of home design shows

"I like her, but 'Bang for Your Buck' is the Satan of home design shows, encouraging home owners to make their homes look totally identical, average, and soulless. Monica has become a big proponent of granite islands, stainless appliances, his-and-her sinks, and all that is wrong with America. She once took points off a kitchen for being 'too mid-century modern'--but it was in a totally MCM house, so no one who didn't love MCM would ever consider buying that house!! Ugh, I detest that show!"
(May 28, 2010, Apartment Therapy)

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

The J-Lo of breast implants

"I wonder who's the J-Lo of breast implants? Ivana Trump?"
(May 7, 2010, The Feminista Files)

The Kevin Nealon of subliminal sexual innuendo

"I tell you this, I wished I had known this face that’s always on the right side of my space flogginSnorgtees in my pre-married years. I seriously doubt a face like that would have ever allowed me into her space, but you can always dream. You catch that? I nude you wood. Whoever came up with the idea of trading faces to all kinds of different spaces is the Larry Flynt of cyber socializing – like Larry, someone took a lot of faces and showed their spaces. There it was again. I’m the Kevin Nealon of subliminal sexual innuendo. If you don’t get it, there is no need to jump out the window. So, I guess my face enjoys sharing space with other faces, because I seem to devote a lot of time to my space. Once you get started, collecting faces for your space is more addictive than masturbating. Seriously, who has only done it once?"
(Nov. 10, 2009, Jeremy Smith, This is Why it Sucks)

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

The Michael Phelps of boring phone conversations

"My father is the Michael Phelps of boring phone conversations."
(Sept. 13, 2010, Ben Brooks, Twitter)

The Tommy Lee of the varmint world

"For a while, tats had earned a new reputation as mainstream America embraced them as forms of personal expression. But quickly the tide is retreating because people who are being celebrated in the media are people like that idiotic dude covered in tats, pierces, wearing all black and vulgarity spewing every time he opens his mouth while he tries to catch some wild animal. He's like the Tommy Lee of the varmint world. Another example of this downward trend is that in-your-face tats are all the rage on competition cooking shows, like Top Chef. Top chef is so full of gay & lesbian chefs and chefs covered with 'badass' tats and piercings that they have become a distraction. A character or two with tats, or a character with a few tats? I can still in. But enough IS enough. Too many tats, piercings and angry, foul-mouthed outbursts and I'm out."
(May 24, 2010, Slashfood)

Monday, September 13, 2010

The Pepe Le Pew of the pagan gods

"And Odin may be a Cyclops, but he can see the future, something Zeus definitely cannot do. Zeus clearly has an inferiority complex which is why he is the Pepe Le Pew of the pagan gods. On top of everything, Merlin and Gandalf, two of the most powerful characters in all of literature, were based upon Odin. Zeus has nothing to match that legacy."
(Feb. 21, 2010, Jimmy Goodrich,

Sunday, September 12, 2010

The Alex Trebek of sump pumps

"When did she become the Alex Trebek of sump pumps?"
(March 23, 2009, Teacherscribe)

Saturday, September 11, 2010

The Michael Jordan of cavity searches

"well i’m like the michael jordan of cavity searches so that might warrant a salary bump."
(June 11, 2010, Emptees)

Friday, September 10, 2010

The Cookie Monster of corporate wellness programs

"Zoe Finch Totten is being referred to as the Cookie Monster of corporate wellness programs. Her program, The Full Yield is aimed at cutting companies health-care costs through their employee’s stomachs."
(June 8, 2010, Nicole Stultz, Smaller Indiana)

Thursday, September 9, 2010

The Russ Meyer of family-friendly cartooning

"Much love to moms everywhere from Bil Keane — the Russ Meyer of family-friendly cartooning."
(May 9, 2010, The Weekly Meat)

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

The Richard Nixon of mistresses

"Here’s some comments from the GQ interview itself. These are representative. After combing through pages, no positive comments on Rielle Hunter were found.

Rielle Hunter seems to be the Richard Nixon of mistresses.

But that’s not an exact parallel: Nixon had his foreign policy admirers."
(April 7, 2010, DBKP)

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

The Larry David of homicidal maniacs

"Another movie I’ve been watching, an old favorite, is this Charles Bronson movie from the ‘70s called The Mechanic. He’s this lonely, aging hit man, and it’s got lots of scenes where he’s staring out the window with the neon light blinking in his face. He’s kind of like the Larry David of homicidal maniacs. If you’re wearing shorts on a plane next to him, he’s not just going to do a crotchety routine about it. He’s probably going to kill you."
(Aug. 10, 2010, Ben Reininga, Nerve)

Monday, September 6, 2010

The Octomom of chickens

"Mama again. And this time with Octuplets. Oh my, I’m the Octomom of chickens!

I have to remind myself just why I’m getting birds. Fresh eggs. Manure. Tick control. Yes! Yes! Yes!"
(March 18, 2010, Not Dabbling in Normal)

Sunday, September 5, 2010

The Veronica Corningstone of Fox Soccer Report

"If you are the Veronica Corningstone of Fox Soccer Report, who is the Ron Burgundy?"
(Aug. 27, 2010, Unprofessional Foul)

Saturday, September 4, 2010

The Cameron Diaz of constitutional analysis

"Lithwick's chatty style makes her fun to read as a gossip columnist, but she's the Cameron Diaz of constitutional analysis."
(Feb. 11, 2007, The Volokh Conspiracy)

Friday, September 3, 2010

The Harry Potter of books for old drunk people

"'Tip It!' Kathy concludes, 'is going to be the Harry Potter of books for old drunk people.'"
(July 2, 2010, Kathy Griffin, Orange County Register)

Thursday, September 2, 2010

The Bono of stapler selling

"In my new book THE LEADER WHO HAD NO TITLE: A MODERN FABLE ON REAL SUCCESS IN BUSINESS AND LIFE (in stores in late March), I distill everything I’ve learned about what it means to Lead Without a Title. Taxi drivers can lead. Teachers can lead. Farmers can lead. And once we all accept that call on our lives, the whole game will change. 'If everyone would only sweep their own doorstep, the whole world would be clean,' noted one of the greatest Leaders Without a Title, Mother Teresa. One of the core elements of the new book is the need for each of us to do our absolute best work – no matter where we are planted. You don’t have to be the CEO to make the commitment to becoming the best in the world at what you do. My encouragement is to become the Mick Jagger of The Mailroom, The Bono of Stapler Selling and The Warren Buffett of Bookkeeping. Wherever you find yourself, do your work like Picasso painted – and like Mozart composed. Few things make you happier than knowing you played at your peak."
(May 17, 2010, Robin Sharma, Klungiwewomenofintegrity’s Weblog)

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

The “The Dude” of the PGA

"I equate Fred Couples to the 'The Dude' of the PGA world so why wouldn’t he mooch off of his ex and her roommates? I could see him rinsing back Caucasians and walking around her place mumbling, 'the Dude abides…the Dude abides' then going out a winning a tourney later in the day."
(July 15, 2010, Bourne's Blog)