Friday, December 31, 2010

The Sarah Jessica Parker of NBA owners

"…I am just thinking that he is the Sarah Jessica Parker of NBA owners – everyone thinks he is hot stuff but in reality he looks like a foot."
(Aug. 6, 2010, Bleed Cubbie Blue)

Thursday, December 30, 2010

The Commissioner Gordon of nannies

"Nanny 911 -- 2nd Season -- If 'Supernanny' is like Batman, then this must be the Commissioner Gordon of Nannies...sorry...I got nothing to say about this show. It just takes up space."
(May 19, 2005, Fenster's Toccata and Fugue)

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

The Kate Bush of scarecrows

"It was a better business proposition than the one I was working on, creating custom scarecrows. I was trying to educate the public in the kind of scarecrows they really needed but people were slow to catch on and sales were down. Looking back, I think I was the Kate Bush of scarecrows and way ahead of my time.There simply wasn't the demand for scarecrows dressed in petticoats, stockings and high heels back then."
(Oct. 5, 2008, Sarah Toa, A Wine Dark Sea)

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

The Robert Parish of Delta employees

"WHY IS HE NOT REACTING? This dude is the Robert Parrish of Delta employees. React! React! YOU ARE ALIVE, MAN."
Dec. 28, 2010, Chuck Klosterman, Twitter)

The Mitt Romney of e-readers

"The two e-readers have different personalities. Amazon's Kindle is like the Mitt Romney of e-readers (dull and bookish, but also reliable and high class), while the iPad is more like Sarah Palin (playful, populist, and the one you would feel more comfortable asking for directions when you get lost)."
(Oct. 14, 2010, Sean O'Neill, Budget Travel)

Monday, December 27, 2010

The Gary Larson of the 19th century

"One of my favorite dead people is Mark Twain. He was the Gary Larson of the 19th century, but on steroids."
(Feb. 3, 2010, My Favorite Dead People Speak)

Sunday, December 26, 2010

The Joan Jett of chocolate cake

"I am the Joan Jett of Chocolate Cake"
(April 13, 2010, AnnaVeda Blog)

Saturday, December 25, 2010

The Rudy Huxtable of the Enterprise

"The picture didn't give it away? Wesley Crusher, man! Everybody's favorite fuckup from Star Trek: The Next Generation! Wheaton's character existed primarily to get into some shit and learn a valuable lesson and occasionally save the day with some science project from school, making him the Rudy Huxtable of the Enterprise."
(June 28, 2010, Twit of the Week)

Friday, December 24, 2010

The Willie Nelson of pin-up girls

"They’re kind of like… the Willie Nelson of pin-up girls!"
(Oct. 23, 2009, The News PK)

Thursday, December 23, 2010

The Michael Phelps of meddling

"Well my mother is a shrewd lady. I guess you learn a lot about people when you are the Michael Phelps of meddling, but this is what she said that day:
'Watch, that’s going to be the girl you marry.'"
(Dec. 10, 2010, When a Girl Writes Off the World)

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

The Cher of cartoonish action-comedies

"Popular culture consumers are a generous and forgetful bunch. Something can disappear, then come back the same but different, and it'll seem like it never left. Certain entertainers, like Cher, have that kind of crowd-pleasing durability. So, too, does the 'Rush Hour' franchise. These movies are the Cher of cartoonish action-comedies: hard to embarrass and probably not biodegradable."
(June 30, 2009, Online Movies)

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

The James Bond of the duck world

"The gadwall is the James Bond of the duck world. Slim, charming and sophisticated, they are also particular about where they dine and where they like to make love. The preferred choice seemed to be Russia, until now."
(Oct. 15, 2008, Kate Horsfall, The RSPB)

Monday, December 20, 2010

The Dexter of Who-ville

"When the heat becomes unbearable and you’re stuck in traffic listening to Jazz 91.9 FM (the jazz of the city!), just yank on the handy cord and the bag will release a freezing wintry mix on your head and the heads of your passengers. Just like if you teleported to the North Pole for a second. Or a snowman teleported into your car, but he’s dying. As you can see above, I’ve illustrated the car with drops of water and ice raining down on the interior of the car, but it looks more like the Who-ville cops have located our serial killing Who and are about to ram him with their car. Maybe he’s like the Dexter of Who-ville. Look out, ethical murderer Who! They found the bodies you hid at the base of Mount Crumpit!"
(Aug. 27, 2019, Jason Mallory, Scene Missing)

Sunday, December 19, 2010

The Kenneth Branagh of asshole bosses

"My absolute favorite part of the first episode, however, was the scene in which the FBI agent meets with his boss. The boss is an asshole. That's the spoiler part. The asshole boss is a cherished trope of television shows everywhere. Only time will tell if this guy (I don't know if he has a name yet) will live up to the standards set by George Mason, but I see a lot of promise in him. In Shakespearean theatre, all the roles have been done so many times before, and by so many great actors. And yet each new generation takes on those roles, trying to carve out their own place in the history of Shakespeare. I imagine it's much the same in the little world of asshole boss acting. We, the television audience have heard 'You're out of line!' shouted with fingers pointed and spittle flying, but I think this guy is going to put his own unique brand of assholery on display here. He's like the Kenneth Branagh of asshole bosses. I've got a good feeling about him."
(Feb. 27, 2009, Livejournal)

Saturday, December 18, 2010

The Serena Van Der Woodsen of the zombie apocalypse

"I don't like Rick. I find him smug and self-righteous, and his tunnel vision is frustrating. But that's also because I find his wife worthless and his son useless; I care far more about the other supporting characters. I agree with Otherguy that he's more lucky than actually skilled at leading others. He's like the Serena Van der Woodsen of the Zombie Apocalypse -- good things just happen to him, and when they don't, well there's others to bail him out."
(Nov. 29, 2010, "The Walking Dead," Television Without Pity)

Friday, December 17, 2010

The Che Guevara of condiments

"If Miracle Whip Is Rebellious to You, You May Be a Douche Bag
Ad Holds Up Sandwich Spread as the Che Guevara of Condiments"
(Oct. 26, 2009, Bob Garfield, Advertising Age)

Thursday, December 16, 2010

The Lorne Michaels of parking

"The owner of the lot, who has run it for 21 years, is like the Lorne Michaels of Parking, if Lorne wore shorts. He sees his staff come and go, and get carried away in their righteous crusade against bad parkers until they burn out. 'It’s only a parking lot,' he keeps reminding them. The Parking Lot Movie is a slice of Zen heaven, a tiny perfect movie shot in a single location. And though the lot is like an open air man cave, the filmmaker is a woman, Meghan Eckman, who directs it with rock’n'roll brio."
(April 29, 2010, Brian D. Johnson, MacLean's)

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

The Giselle of seductive lesbian high school coaches

"Overall: B, but only because we’re emphasizing looks here. And Jennifer is the Giselle of seductive lesbian high school coaches."
(April 16, 2009, Jerry Thorton, Barstool Sports Boston)

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

The Strawberry Shortcake of cognitive dissonance

"I would like to be the Reggie Jackson of cognitive dissonance. No, wait, the Strawberry Shortcake of cognitive dissonance. No, wait, the Bo Diddly of cognitive dissonance. No, wait, …"
(Jan. 5, 2010, Wonkette)

Monday, December 13, 2010

The Bob Costas of fetal movement broadcasting

"Thomas was equally excited about her movement. As soon as I said she was moving, he put his hand on my tummy :) Unfortunately, I’m the only one that will be able to feel her for the next month or so. So I’ll just have to perfect my play-by-play for everyone. I’ll be the Bob Costas of fetal movement broadcasting. Or someone less creepy."
(March 10, 2010, The Little Baby Blog)

Sunday, December 12, 2010

The Sonic the Hedgehog of the operatic stage

"A: I don't know, tho. I still find Trebs' the more distinctive inspired voice
3:15 PM

J: yes I agree

J: I like his energy a lot

J: I really did enjoy him live

J: cute compact little Mexican wonder

A: he's like the Sonic the Hedgehog of the operatic stage

J: excellent comparison!
A: Marullo!

A: Can't you get me off?

A: Just this once?"

(Dec. 17, 2005,

Saturday, December 11, 2010

The Han Solo of bullshit

"In Which I Become The Han Solo Of Bullshit"
(Oct. 13, 2010, Sounds Like Work--Adam Brady)

Friday, December 10, 2010

The Led Zeppelin of sensitive screenwriters

"And the 500 Days Of Summer soundtrack is decent. Any more than decent? Well, let’s discuss. Of course there is literally nothing more predictable for an angst-infused indie twenty-something rom com than a couple bonding over The Smiths. But that’s because The Smiths are amazing. They’re the Led Zeppelin of sensitive screenwriters. A fairly mainstream Fox Searchlight soundtrack album with two Smiths songs on it does feel a little like someone’s made a trendy T-shirt out of Picasso’s Guernica, but, you know, it’s the movie business. Raping and pillaging higher art is what Hollywood is all about, God love it."
(July 16, 2009, Chris Neilan, Movie Moron)

Thursday, December 9, 2010

The Popeye of the Christian blog world

"scot mcknight’s jesus creed. it helps that i’ve gotten to know scot, and think he’s a really good guy. but his is certainly the blog that most consistently makes me think and leads me to new learning. of course, jesus creed has also become the popeye of the christian blog world, with incoming links from 1000 blogs."
(Jan. 3, 2007, Mark Oestreicher, whyismarko)

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

The Bruce Willis of baby feeding

"Thank goodness for my husband, the Bruce Willis of baby feeding, guarding over the carpets and wall coverings of the world."
(Oct. 10, 2010, MummySquared)

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

The Loki of the Huxtable family

"This is a favorite of mine. His name alone is enough to illicit images of a superhero flying in on a giant cross. He is the Patron of both procrastinators and speedy results, presumably because the procrastinators held off selecting a Patron of their own and just copied off the other guy’s paper. This guy was likely a early frontrunner for 'Most Revered Patron' due to his similarities to Mercury/Hermes/The Flash. He’s also associated with African messenger-trickster spirits, which makes him the Loki of the Huxtable family."
(April 9, 2010, Monkey Butlers)

Monday, December 6, 2010

The Roger Clemens of seagulls

"I had to get a shot of this bird, the Roger Clemens of seagulls. All puffed up to frighten us away, he could almost feed our family at Thanksgiving! We laugh at the little sea birds, who run from the tide, then back again to catch a nibble."
(Aug. 20, 2010, Jellybeanie)

Sunday, December 5, 2010

The Michael J. Fox of Canadian rappers

"He is the Michael J Fox of Canadian rappers."
(July 31, 2009, Admit it; You like it)

Saturday, December 4, 2010

The Robert Mapplethorpe of American knitting

"I bring this up because Ms. Marks, you know, left our yarn circle two years ago. Apparently, she did not have time for our group any more; not in her quest to become the Robert Mapplethorpe of American knitting. Some of her friends are still here and I thank you for staying with us. At the same time, Ms. Mark’s move to her own knitting studio shows that there may be some unspoken limits to our knitting club."
(March 30, 2006, Double Hamster on the Rocks)

Friday, December 3, 2010

The Milla Jovovich of states

"My least favorite terrain in these United States belongs in Oklahoma. Its flat. Incredibly flat. Oklahoma is the Milla Jovovich of states. FLAT. I contend that the entire state resides on a single hill of about three feet in height. Oklahoma City resides on the 'pinnacle' of the hill and can be seen almost as soon as you enter the state and constantly looms on the horizon like some eternal taunt. Damn you founders of Oklahoma. After leaving Oklahoma City it’s image continues to loom within your rear view mirror as a constant reminder that you are in Oklahoma. Oklahoma City itself is quite nice from what I remember. I doubt I’ll ever return."
(March 14, 2010, Joe Little, Niassne)

Thursday, December 2, 2010

The Taylor Swift of funny golf videos

"Sure, the Ben Crane workout video was the random Miley Cyrus song you secretly sing in your car, but Bubba has always been the Taylor Swift of funny golf videos, putting out jam after jam. In Bubba’s case, he just put out eight jams in a row."
(Nov. 1, 2010, Chris Chaney, Playing from the Wrong Fairway)

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

The Dilbert of ancient China

"In some ways, you could view the Dao De Jing as the Dilbert of ancient China…"
(Nov. 18, 2009, The Way of the Consultant)