Tuesday, January 31, 2012

The Jessica Alba of the Red Sox

"We're also not talking about the Jessica Alba of the Red Sox, the player who possesses both the obvious sizeable appeal and the hard-to-define intangibles. When the game is on the line, David Ortiz is everyone's choice."
(April 3, 2008, Tom. M. Tango, The Hardball Times)

Monday, January 30, 2012

The Chaz Bono of dictators

"Kim Jong Il’s son is pretty much the Chaz Bono of dictators."
(Jan. 30, 2012,

The Dick Cheney of glam rock

"Oh, another health crisis for Bret. Maybe while they're repairing his heart they can pull his head out of his ass. He's quickly becoming the Dick Cheney of glam rock."
(Jan. 11, 2012, Blabbermouth.net)

Friday, January 27, 2012

The Def Leppard of football

"Q: I don't like the comparison of Alex Smith to Meg White (in your Week 17 column). If you're going to compare Alex to a drummer, I think it's got to be Rick Allen (the guy from Def Leppard with one arm). Came in with a lot of talent. Didn't do a whole lot. Suffered through some bad experiences (multiple bad coaches and coordinators, lost an arm). Then, despite all odds, gained success with the same supporting cast. Not saying I want the Niners to be the Def Leppard of football (I'd prefer Van Halen if we're going hair metal), but the parallels are undeniable. By the way, it's 4:19 a.m. right now, and I'm drunk on Johnnie Walker Black Label (official sponsor of the ESPN Happy Hour, where PTI lets you appear when they're hard-up for subs), which explains why I'm suddenly full of sports knowledge."
(Jan. 6, 2012, Josh Bartz, Grantland)

Thursday, January 26, 2012

The Andrew Luck of the Chosen People

"If my Hebrew School teachers were 6’10″ franchise saviors instead of walking Jewish stereotypes I probably would’ve paid a little more attention and made my parents a little prouder at my Bar Mitzvah.
And no question if Dave Chapelle held his racial draft today Amare is on top of the J-Double-O Big Board. He’d be like the Andrew Luck of the Chosen People."
(Dec. 5, 2011, Barstool Sports)

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

The Pierce Brosnan of gargoyles

"Duncan came to live in my garden in 2005. He’s a tall elegant Griffin. He is highly intelligent – not street smart, dashingly good looking, arrogant, shrewd, charming, conceited, self-centred, witty not funny and impatient. He is a ceaseless gossip but can be kind and caring to the few whom he deems to be worthy of his attention. He has a soft spot for Arthur but always hedges his bets around Roger. Duncan is thorough, thoughtful, capable of organizing great amounts of information and paying attention to every detail. He is a tireless pursuer of the ladies but not interested in clinging commitments. He never does the dirty work himself, preferring to wash his paws of the mundane. Duncan is to be trusted cautiously, if at all. He will honour a debt. He is definitely the Pierce Brosnan of gargoyles."
(July 3, 2011, Martha T. Steele, Real Estate Bits)

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

The Alec Baldwin of Power Rangers

"'A Pig Surprise' – Pudgy Pig’s second appearance. He’s the most reoccurring guest monster. The Alec Baldwin of Power Rangers."
(Dec. 26, 2011, Billie Green, Porpoise of Life)

Monday, January 23, 2012

The Emma Watson of the pole vault

"The undeniably cute Silke Spiegelburg, who I previously dubbed the Emma Watson of the pole vault, also struggled to a ninth-place finish."
(Sept. 5, 2011, Freodom)

Sunday, January 22, 2012

The Vanna White of pork

"I just got 1/4 of a pig delivered to my house by the lovely Johanna Davidson Bleckman, the Vanna White of pork, and her hunky husband. We are having bacon for supper."
(Jan. 22, 2012, Magda Pecsenye, Facebook)

Friday, January 20, 2012

The Gisele of hunching over the sink eating leftovers

"I'm the Gisele of hunching over the sink eating leftovers."
(Jan. 20, 2012, Killorn, Twitter)

The Fabio of Russian politics

"And yes, though we might reserve some softness for the feminine kind, swooning over Obama as women have swooned over George Clooney undermines her authority and weakens her political resolve. Imagine journalists writing the same thing of Putin’s interaction with the American president. Though Putin might present himself as the Fabio of Russian politics, he would not take kindly to being painted as submissive to any other leader, male or female."
(Nov. 17, 2011, Samuel Webster)

Thursday, January 19, 2012

The Bruce Springsteen of science lecturers

"'He’s famous for being the Bruce Springsteen of science lecturers,' Ms. Mittelbach said. 'It was a lengthy, meaty show.'"
(Jan. 5, 2012, Jennifer Schuessler, The New York Times)

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

The Troy Aikman of school

"All I can recall is my head, tile, ouch. There is a lesson in this story. I believe all though the rest of school I had never called another girl fat......to her face. I guess I was kind of the Troy Aikman of school. I eventually got so many concussions I had to quit doing the stuff that was gonna hurt me. And that includes making comments about how big a girl might be. If a girl would have ever ask me if a outfit made her look fat I would have ran. Fuck if I can take another concussion."
(Sept. 23, 2010, The Reel Russell)

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

The Helena Bonham Carter of cities

"This is why I call Baltimore the Helena Bonham Carter of cities (well, I've called it that three times). No one ever expects her to show up at the Oscars looking gorgeous or sexy, so she's free to look fabulous instead. She can be trashy, wacky, surprising, outdated--and Kelly Osbourne is still going to gush over her outfit on Fashion Police."
(April 3, 2011, Y Tu Palta Tambien)

Monday, January 16, 2012

The Tilda Swinton of hedgehogs

"I have to make this snappy because we are expecting yet another guest in an hour or so. Young Kevin is going to Japan to do something for the summer and we’re taking care of his hedgehog Eleanor. Y.K. describes Eleanor as the Tilda Swinton of hedgehogs. My mom is leaving tomorrow so, for tonight, I feel like one of those families that are six to a room. In other words, I am feeling very crowded and grumpy about it. Five humans, four dogs. three cats, one enigmatic hedgehog and one small bathroom to serve them all!"
(May 28, 2011, Send in the Crones)

Friday, January 13, 2012

The Albert Pujols of pharmaceutical chemistry

"Who's the Albert Pujols of pharmaceutical chemistry?
Oh, Pujols! Credit: Wikipedia
Albert Pujols was a star first baseman for the St. Louis Cardinals. After winning his second World Series with the Cardinals this fall, he decided to sign with the California Anaheim Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim for 254 million dollars. (Sorry, Cardinals fans -- I feel for ya.)"
(Dec. 9, 2011, Chemjobber)

Thursday, January 12, 2012

The Chris Brown of weather

"One day it was raining really hard and my friend said it was smacking him in the face. I told him, 'You just look at that rain and tell it to stop being the Chris Brown of weather.'"
(Jan. 1, 2012, Sporkin' On Down the Road)

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

The Henry Kissinger of Pink Floyd

"In the long-term, Mason is convinced that Gilmour and Waters can put their differences aside and get together one more time.
He told the Daily Express: 'I've just finished playing with David at his recent solo concerts and I'm about to play a show with Roger. I call myself the Henry Kissinger of Pink Floyd!'"
(June 12, 2006, NME)

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

The Hannibal Lecter of employment claims

"Retaliation is the Hannibal Lecter of employment claims"
(July 8, 2011, Jon Hyman, Ohio Employer's Law Blog)

Monday, January 9, 2012

The Rick Santorum of Mets second basemen

"2011 '2nd base candidate' Luis Hernandez, also known as the Rick Santorum of Mets second basemen, played badly at AAA. At least his last name isn't synonymous with something very, very gross."
(Dec. 11, 2011, Amazin' Avenue)

Friday, January 6, 2012

The Ben Kingsley of duck-billed turtleheaded pterodactyls

"I bet that’s the Ben Kingsley of duck-billed turtleheaded pterodactyls."
(Nov. 3, 2009, Filmdrunk)

Thursday, January 5, 2012

The Fiona Apple of footwear

"So, Sam Edelman's stud-covered Lorissa heels are hurting me real bad... in the real-good way. The kinda bad Fiona Apple meant when she was sloshing around in that hot tub back in 1997. That's it. Sam Edelman's studded heels = the Fiona Apple of footwear."
(March 25, 2011, Free Beauty Tips)

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

The Timothy Olyphant of the cake world

"Cakes and desserts are a bit like men - they have to be really special to make you want them but when you do, you can`t get enough of them. Well, if that were true, I think I have found the Timothy Olyphant of the cake worldLadurée macaroons."
(April 19, 2011, Vent-elated)

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

The Joey Fatone of Mitt Romney's sons

"Tagg Romney is the Joey Fatone of Mitt Romney's sons."
(Jan. 3, 2012, Josh Jude, Twitter

The George Carlin of knitter blogs

"You forgot 'nipple' - didn't that cause a fuss a few years ago.. You're kinda like the George Carlin of knitter blogs.. penis, penis penis...nipple nipple nipple.. if we write a hiku with the word penis in it do we win a prize??"
(Feb. 10, 2011, Yarn Harlot)

Monday, January 2, 2012

The Nostradamus of minor league hockey

"Hate to be the Nostradamus of minor league hockey, but those prior concerns I had about the FHL are being reinforced early this season. Here’s hoping the league can be saved … but at this point the FHL may go the way of the IHL, WHA, WPHL and every other good intentioned but economically-challenged league that folded."
(Dec. 3, 2011, Shooting for the Show)

Sunday, January 1, 2012

The Michael Jordan of having a Hitler mustache & being in underpants commercials

"Michael Jordan is like the Michael Jordan of having a Hitler mustache & being in underpants commercials."
(Jan. 1, 2012, Rob Delaney, Twitter)