Thursday, March 31, 2011

The Neil Armstrong of your mom

"Google deemed it an original thought, can't believe it hasn't been done yet. I feel like the Neil Armstrong of Your Mom. thanks for the RT!"
(March 31, 2011, Killorn, Twitter direct message)

The Jane Goodall of dumbasses

"I really hate television. Ok, that’s not true at all. I don’t really drink so mindless television is my vice. My boyfriend is continually perplexed that someone 'so smart' can be so enamored with Say Yes to the Dress (for the record, I draw the line at The Bachelor). I’m still trying to convince him that my obsession is really anthropological in nature, I’m the Jane Goodall of dumb asses, or so I like to think."
(March 2, 2011, Reconstructing Law School)

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

The Martin Sheen of athletic foot protection

"and Jack,
that old hoss,
took every washing,
every bitter-tongued bleaching,
every grass stain and minor tear with dignity and resolve.
he was the martin sheen of athletic foot protection."
(Oct. 12, 2005, poltergasm, Livejournal)

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

The John Gotti of toe rings

"I don’t have any power in the bracelet industry. (Toe rings are a different story, I’m like the John Gotti of toe rings). But my hope is that Silly Bandz will heed my words of wisdom. And maybe you will too."
(July 6, 2010, John Acuff, Stuff Christians Like)

Monday, March 28, 2011

The Ross Perot of death metal

"Right. Ephemeral and enigmatic and hanging out there. And 'Fraudulent Cloth' and 'Faux King Christ' are very direct statements about very specific topics, whereas the rest of the tunes are sort of quintessential Kelly. He speaks very metaphorically even when we are in regular conversation. I always joke that he is like the Ross Perot of death metal, because Ross Perot (if anyone remembers) was a political candidate ten years ago, and everything was a metaphor. So Kelly would say, 'It’s like you’re driving a car, right? And you are at a stoplight and you don’t want to just go…'."
(Dec. 25, 2010, Steve Flynn, Mind Over Metal)

Friday, March 25, 2011

The David Sedaris of the nostril

"Avery Gilbert is the David Sedaris of the nostril, the Mark Twain of the nasal passages."
(Alan R. Hirsch, Avery Gilbert)

Thursday, March 24, 2011

The Christian Bale of Winnebago sales

"This guy is like the Christian Bale of Winnebago sales. NSFW if you work in a rectory."
(Nov. 18, 2009, Dangerous Minds)

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

The Bo Derek of the sea lion world

"She's known as the Bo Derek of the sea lion world"
(Dec. 21, 2009, TravelPod)

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

The Tyler Durden of Beetle Bailey

"General Halftrack, the Tyler Durden of Beetle Bailey."
(April 26, 2010, The Comics Curmudgeon)

Monday, March 21, 2011

The Floyd Mayweather of MILFs

"This is Halles's title, she is the Floyd Mayweather of MILFs!!!"
(April 30, 2008, Moejackson)

Saturday, March 19, 2011

The Gilligan of omnipotent beings

"Basically, God, is a clueless fuck-up who no doubt is intimately familiar with the phrase, 'My bad.' Despite his omnipotence, he can't seem to see what's coming and continuously gets blindsided by his own creations. he's the Gilligan of omnipotent beings."
(June 6, 2010, Pharyngula)

Friday, March 18, 2011

The LL Cool J of heart attacks

"I think we should stop calling it a 'heart attack'. It's so VIOLENT. We should call it a coronary artery blockage, or something else... something specific. Heart attack is so scary. At some point during your heart attack, someone is going to tell you that you are 'having a heart attack,' and who wants to hear that? When you get cirrhosis they don't call it a 'Liver Attack'. I guess heart attack must feel like you are being attacked. I just know I am going to have a heart attack, and this is what I am going to be thinking about. I'll be the L.L. Cool J of Heart Attacks (don't call it a comeback!). If you're so tough, LL, why are you quibbling over semantics?"
(March 20, 2009, Frank Lloyd Wrong)

Thursday, March 17, 2011

The Rosa Parks of the sock world

"I can’t agree with you more: Sensis is really taking the bull by the horns by supporting and promoting the 'serious issue' of endemic socklessness in Australia. You guy’s are pretty much the Rosa Parks of the sock world."
(July 15, 2010, mUmBRELLA)

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

The Sacha Baron Cohen of fabric

"Patchwork is funny. It’s like the Sacha Baron Cohen of fabric. Everywhere it goes it stirs people up and they either love it or hate it! Patchwork has always been around but just recently I’ve noticed an influx of patchwork within our visual culture. It could very well be that I just caught sight of a small pool of brands, but let me show you what I mean… here are some examples (from mainstream to not so):"
(Sept. 26, 2007, Spoon & Tamago)

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

The Lenny and Squiggy of anti-jihad crusaders

"Steve Emerson and Walid Phares, the Lenny and Squiggy of anti-jihad crusaders, have a new television special this weekend:"
(Feb. 3, 2007, Bloodthirtsty Liberal)

Monday, March 14, 2011

The Lester Bangs of whack jazz

"That quote came not from the Lester Bangs of whack jazz Mark Saleski, but from none other than"
(Jan. 5, 2009, Blogcritics Music)

Friday, March 11, 2011

The Ke$ha of burritos

"Finally, the Worst Burritos Award: shared by the place in Tresidder, The Treehouse, Uno Mas and the worst of the worst: Chipotle. In Danny’s words (as he wants them in his epitaph): 'A good burrito does not start with a McDonald’s branding or end with white rice.' Thank you, West Coast, for teaching me that Chipotle is the Ke$ha of burritos."
(March 10, 2010,

Thursday, March 10, 2011

The Michael Phelps of being a tool

"Euan is like the Michael Phelps of being a tool."
(Aug. 2, 2010, Shortscale)

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

The Liz Lemon of 1815

"Jane Austen is the Liz Lemon of 1815. Lizzy Bennet is the Carrie Bradshaw of 1796. (Without the pre-marital sex, of course, but, I'm sure after the marriage papers were signed, Lizzie rocked the fall-front breeches off of Mr. Darcy.)"
(Feb. 26, 2008, California's Been Good to Me)

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

The Demi Moore of citrus

"Hand on heart, I swear that this fruit has been in my possession for five months. It was a Christmas-time acquisition. And for whatever reason, it has not aged. It is like the Demi Moore of citrus."
(May 10, 2010, Gourmand for Punishment)

Monday, March 7, 2011

The Charlie Brown of chupacabra expeditions

"Miguel sounds like a train wreck. You should never have brought him. He’s the Charlie Brown of chupacabra expeditions."
(Oct. 13, 2010, What We Blog About When We Blog About Love)

Friday, March 4, 2011

The Clarice Starling of American politics

"Noam Chomsky is the Clarice Starling of American politics. He has spent his entire adult life trying to silence the lambs. He has yet to understand this immutable law of nature; The ignorant and stupid cannot be saved."
(Nov. 20, 2007, Crooks and Liars)

Thursday, March 3, 2011

The Sally Struthers of hipsters

"Snobbie, your mendicant recommendations are spot on. But the last one disturbed me. Do you really intend to be the Sally Struthers of hipsters? Have you just been trying to gin up our sympathy for them all these years so that 'for the cost of a cup of coffee a day', a tatooed college grad can have a soy machiato?"
(Dec. 16, 2009, Bike Snob NYC)

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

The Dirk Nowitzki of airports

"My flight is delayed a long time. People around me are freaking out. We eventually board, and it is quite possible that I am on a flight with Demarre Carroll. I land in O'Hare, which is the Dirk Nowitzki of airports--it puts up impressive numbers most of the year, but always completely chokes when the pressure is on. Everything in O'Hare is delayed--except my connecting flight, which left right on time moments before I got to the gate."
(April 17, 2009,

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

The David Lynch of cellular phone manufacturers

"Nokia is the David Lynch of cellular phone manufacturers."
(Aug. 14, 2008, Lindsay Robertson, Videogum)