The Aquaman of the Democratic Party

"Edwards isn't out of the race. The competitive sniping between Obama and Clinton could trip both of them up much the same way it did Gephardt (Remember him? The Aquaman of the Democratic Party?) and Dean back in 2004. Of course, given the absurdity of Hillary's recent attack on Obama for an essay he wrote in Kindergarden about wanting to be president and Bill Clinton's flagrant lying about opposing the Iraq war in 2003, folks in Iowa might just decide that Obama isn't really part of the problem."
(Dec. 3, 2007, Too Sense)

The Dr. J of murdering people

"It seems to be a fast food kind of day, what with the pizza beef and all. And now Nice Pete is at work on the fictitious biography of Quizno's founder Giugliacomo 'Johnny' Quizno.*

*In its way, enjoying a Quizno's sandwich is stronger evidence of mental illness than is being the Dr. J of murdering people."
(May 5, 2008, The Gurgling Cod)

The Ludwig Wittgenstein of trash TV

"The distinguished ethicist and moral philosopher Geraldo Rivera -- friend of Marcia Clark and Johnnie Cochran, National Enquirer epistemologist (let's get this over with), the Ludwig Wittgenstein of trash TV -- has been one of the most frantic pack mules of presidential prevarication for more than seven months. Rivera Live , the professor's nightly symposium on CNBC, has really been little more than an extended course (complete with live demonstrations) on when lies are not lies and when sex is not sex and when lying about sex is neither sex nor lying."
(Aug. 22, 1998, Rex Murphy, The Globe and Mail)

The Ned Flanders of the gay blogosphere

"Some have called Warren the Ned Flanders of the gay blogoshpere. I think it was meant as an insult but is it really? Who would you rather have as a neighbor: Ned Flanders or Homer Simpson? We may make fun of Ned Flanders, but he would make a good neighbor. And I think the blogosphere was a better place with Warren in it."
(Dec. 20, 2006, Dr. Benton Quest)

The Mae West of fowl

"I miss Butterball Turkeys. I never had a dry turkey baking them in my days back in the States. I loved cutting into the breast and seeing juices flow, even if those juices weren’t there naturally. I read an article recently about a French chef who wasn’t happy with turkey on the menu. He said for the turkey legs to be well done, the breast meat would end up dry so he cooked them separately chopping up the leg meat and incorporating it into a separate dish and then searing the breast before finishing cooking it on a rotisserie. He still wasn’t happy with it at the end. I guess turkey is the Mae West of fowl, a little too top heavy."
(Nov. 21, 2005, Frenchless in France)

The Sydney Bristow of Miss Hosie's fifth grade

"Remember in grade school when you thought you were being all slick with the note passing? I do. I had it down to a science. I was the Sydney Bristow of Miss Hosie's fifth grade. I would put the note, strategically folded into the smallest triangle possible, under my shoe and then casually yawn and stretch my foot out to the nearest friend. Then, at the right moment I would lift my foot and with a tiny flick of the ankle, send the note under the receiving end's shoe. Call me Pele - I never missed! It worked pretty well - never got caught."
(Sept. 19, 2006, MySpace)

The Brangelina of the lion kingdom

"The Brangelina of the lion kingdom

Ouch. Now imagine that pain multiplied by six and that should give you an idea of what’s it like to be the proud parents of this litter below. Good luck raising these little terrors, and let’s hope some magazine makes it worth your while with a multimillion dollar photo deal. (PS I think they were actually sired by the same father but two different mothers, so surely that could send the gossip rags into a puritanical frenzy?)"
(Aug. 1, 2008, Ayyyy! Gently Making Fun of the Famous)