The Jimmy Carter of the Dharma Initiative

"6. Richard Alpert. International Man of Mystery. He comes walking out of the jungle like Rambo, with a flaming torch, and jams it into the ground like he’s Neil Armstrong on the moon. (Sawyer’s comment about “your buddy with the eyeliner” was pretty hilarious.) He then says to Horace, “Your fence may be able to keep some things out, but not us.” Smoke Monster, anyone? But how does Alpert and his crew circumvent the sonic fence? This was an awesome scene, probably the best of the episode. I loved how Sawyer brokered the deal between Alpert and Horace. He’s like the Jimmy Carter of the Dharma Initiative."
(March 5, 2009, deep chrome canyons)

The Mr. Spock of wine bloggers

"OK, I admit it; I’m the Mr. Spock of wine bloggers."
(June 21, 2007, Winecast)

The new Susan Boyle of search terms

"Swine flu is the new Susan Boyle of search terms"
(April 29, 2009, The Age)

The Michael Jordan of threesomes

"I am considered the Michael Jordan of threesomes. It is a rare talent to be able to give pleasure to two women at the same time. I have that talent."
(April 1, 2009, Donnie Wango's Official Blog)

The O.J. Simpson of cartoon theme songs

"First off Voltron isn't a theme song. As much as I loved that show it was just some dude talking.

TMNT is the OJ Simpson of cartoon theme songs.

Wait, I meant Michael Jordan."
(June 20, 2008, gorgeous footprints in the sand...)

The John Madden of fug

"Having wasted my entire Monday morning doing “research” (i.e. going through the last year’s worth of posts and then writing this really long thing about them) I feel like I have a pretty good handle on things! Allow me to be the John Madden of fug for a minute, if you will:

If you take a look at the ’08-’09 fashion season in the archives, one woman emerges as the fugee to beat:

Mischa Barton - fugged every month for the past year but for a brief pause in November-December. And man is she a deserving contender. Reading the nominations this weekend I was all: Mischa? Really? But if you take a look at her body of work from this past year, it becomes crystal. Mischa in ’09? Victory in our time!"

(March 2, 2009, Go Fug Yourself)

The Paul Rudd of possibly nonexistent YouTube stars

"Remember yesterday's crazy-eyes-girl video love letter to the mysterious 'Charlie'? It seems she isn't the only one to fall for Charlie's patented absence-and-mix-CD-based courtship ritual. Even dudes love Charlie! He's like the Paul Rudd of possibly nonexistent YouTube stars:"
(April 1, 2009, Videogum)

The Gisele of friggin' cats

"Let's face it, Kittie is drop dead gorgeous, and I'm not simply saying that because she is my daughter. She's like the Gisele of friggin cats! She's totally hot."
(Feb. 12, 2007, The Odd Broad)

The Woody Allen of the teenage-aimed vehicle thriller

"Walker went on to say he’d like to have some control over the script choices, which only makes sense since many consider him the Woody Allen of the teenage-aimed vehicle thriller."
(March 17, 2009, Mack Rawden, Cinema Blend)

The Cosmo Kramer of special education

"Later that evening I was telling my brother Ken (not his real name) what had happened. Then I said 'These things must happen to everyone. Tell me it isn’t just me'

'It is just you', Ken answered. 'You are the Cosmo Kramer of Special Education!'"

(Aug. 30, 2008, No Gripes)

The Roger Clemens of goat blowing

"There has never been any doubt. Kaus is the Roger Clemens of goat blowing. He is goat blowing on steroids. The cream, the clear, and the goats. And he doesn’t even care about the kids."
(March 31, 2009, William K. Wolfrum Chronicles)

The Dirk Diggler of celestial bodies

"The sun in Mexico is a relentless civil war cannon that fires on you without intermission. It's the Dirk Diggler of celestial bodies, broadcasting Feel My Heat from dawn to dusk. The Florida sun is an LED flashlight in comparison. A half an hour of laying on the sand, and I was baked. I looked like a strip of Sizzilean. My body contained as much liquid as a Frito."
(April 3, 2009, The Angry Czeck)

The Eliot Spitzer of cheeses

"The 3 Most Arrogant Cheeses

3.) Smoked Gouda - Oh You think you are so fancy.

2.) Jarlsberg - Big Deal you have irregular holes. Children are Starving.

1.)Manchego - You’re like the Eliot Spitzer of Cheeses"

(April 22, 2008, Paul Scheer)

The Thor of a full-blown "progressive" agenda

"Does Steele not realize the party will only win if it tenaciously challenges the dangerous and foolish policies of Obama, and expounds its principles with clarity and passion? Now, I'm going to assume that Steele is basically conservative, but that he's so scared of Republicans appearing mean-spirited, ready to let America suffer by not supporting a very popular president. Of course, it was smart to moderate the tone when Obama was first elected. Now, though, Obama has pulled out of the honeymoon. Obama fancies himself the Thor of a full blown 'progressive' agenda. The hammer's being thrown, and Republicans need to challenge him."
(March 2, 2009, The American Spectator)

The Minnie Mouse of welding

"That is a red and white polka dotted hat, is what that is. What is that guy, the Minnie Mouse of welding?"
(April 26, 2007, Livejournal)

The Dr. Evil of fats

"Trans fats are the really bad guys, the Dr. Evil of fats, as one site put it. They’re also something of a Frankenstein’s monster. They’re created when vegetable oils and other fats are partially hydrogenated—chemically altered to convert liquid fats to semi-solid forms, making them more usable in margarines and spreads and commercial baking, among other applications. Partial hydrogenation also greatly extends shelf life, making processed foods last longer. Unfortunately, the resulting trans fats are the absolutely worst fats for you."
(Feb. 4, 2009, Blue Kitchen)

The Oscar Wilde of the woods

"The hoax did raise some concerns for the big man and we’re expecting some people to get pubed because of it. We expect vengeance to be swift and bloody. We expect Bigfoot to be the renaissance monster that he is – the Oscar Wilde of the woods that he’s always wanted to be. We expect some dumb ass kids and their soccer mom moms to be thrown off cliffs in red-hot rage. Bigfoot is the great underdog and no hillbilly from the Georgian mountains is going to find him dead in the woods. It’s gonna take a war to fell this mo-fo!"
(Aug. 21, 2008, Sean Moeller, Daytrotter)

The Jack Palance of Russian motorcycles

"...the Jack Palance (if not, perhaps, the Ricardo Montalbán) of Russian motorcycles. Newly possessed of a deep, sonorous, and yet understated machismo... the Russian sidecar rig of tus sueños, Hormiguita mía..."
(Dec. 22, 2007, Dogster)

The Dita Von Teese of cupcakes

"No. The cupcake to watch out for is the pastel-frosted tease, possibly a little pink or blue one. Something that looks like it could have been in the background in the new Marie Antoinette movie. The Dita Von Teese of cupcakes. That is the siren cupcake."
(Nov. 9, 2006, Maureen Johnson, Cupcakes Take the Cake)

The Jackie Chan of the fish world

"The rainbow was not pleased about getting hooked: it put on a little fishy airshow, jumping completely out of the water at least five times as it tried to wriggle the hook out of its mouth. I’ve seen some fish put up fights before, but this particular fish was full-on nuts. Or perhaps I’d just hooked into the Jackie Chan of the fish world. Regardless, it shot downstream and leapt one more time and spit out the hook and went its way."
(April 2, 2007, Kathryn and Paul)

The Count Chocula of pizza

"I'll admit I'm a pizza snob, but I do like Elio's. they're like the paper towels where you can have a little panel, or double panel, or a triple panel! That rules for a snack.

I had one yesterday that was some grocery store brand thing, I almost couldn't move for a couple of hours after it was so bad. ugh.

And Stouffer's french bread pizza is the count chocula of pizza!"
(Nov. 24, 2008, The Noise)

The Evander Holyfield of ginger

"Eating this is like a ginger assault on your tastebuds. It is like being punched in the face by ginger – not just any ginger; the Evander Holyfield of ginger. You may as well just buy a ginger root and take a bite, though I’m not sure even that would be as overwhelmingly gingery. As for the chocolate, it has an unappealingly grainy consistency, and has to be one of the least creamy chocolates I’ve ever had. It’s sweet, without much of a cocoa taste at all (though that may just be the super-strong ginger obliterating any other flavours in the bar)."
(Nov 8, 2008, Candyrageous)

The Katie Couric of the paranormal

"Wow... who is this Diana Avena chick? Looks like she fancies herself the Katie Couric of the paranormal. Unfortunately listening to her talk is about as exciting as watching paint dry."
(Sept 13, 2008, Paranormal Insider)

The Walt Whitman of recycled junk mail

"Advertising copy doesn't offer a synonym for Interconnectedness. Cereal boxes and ketchup bottles lyricize about harmony, oats, and lycopene. The Dr. Bronner's bottle screams out from a flurry of text 'ALL ONE! ALL ONE!' Nearly every toilet paper manufacturer has become the Walt Whitman of recycled junk mail."
(March 1, 2009, The Shagbark Speaks)

The Courtney Love of presidential pardons

"Which makes Mark Rich the Courtney Love of presidential pardons.

How's that? Hmmm...just like Courtney Love, Mark Rich also got away with financial murder and never served a single day in prison for it. Maybe it had something to do with Clinton's appreciation for his fellow unconvicted felon's last name: a super RICH white man who made his MARK on history by donating stacks of cash to a presidential library for a quid pro quo full pardon."
(July 3, 2007, Black Cat Bone)

The Dr. Doom of the credit crunch

"The bearish economist Nouriel Roubini, the Dr. Doom of the credit crunch, has been sharply critical of the federal government's bailouts of Fannie and Freddie and now A.I.G. He says that the Paulson & company are turning the United States into to the U.S.S.R.A. (the United Socialist State Republic of America)."
(Sept. 17, 2008, Portfolio)

The Iago of the past eight years

"In The Snowball, however, there is no mention of the Iraq invasion or of Donald Rumsfeld, and just three glancing references to George W. Bush – and the Iago of the past eight years, Dick Cheney, is only mentioned as attending a funeral. Alice Schroeder is a frank and fair writer, and her book is a suggestive contribution to a history of the American Way; but the people and ideas that she has excluded from her narrative are more significant even than her description of the Wigwam Café in Wahoo."
(Jan. 7, 2009, Richard Davenport-Hines, Times Online)

The Bruce Wayne of dogs

"In other dorky news, Mina and I decided that Akitas are the Bruce Wayne of dogs."
(Aug. 29, 2007, Livejournal)

The Papa Smurf of negative TV ads

"If you can stop shaking from the rage at fallen heroes being dishonored, then kick back with some manganese-rich malt liquor and check out the Papa Smurf of negative TV ads, the classic Daisy ad perpetrated by LBJ’s crew in the 1964 race:"
(July 21, 2006, Wonkette)

The Lewis and Clark of scumbag NBA owners

"The last "need" is easier said than done, as the Grizzlies would tell you -- owner Michael Heisley would leave treadmarks fleeing Memphis if he weren't tied to FedEx Forum through 2015. Then again, Hijack City owners McClendon and Clay Bennett showed us a nice blueprint for weaseling out of a lease in Seattle last year, a strategy best described as, "make up selfish reasons to leave, make your move, leave a trail of broken hearts, bastardize the integrity of the league, then make everything OK by just paying everyone off because the city will be greedy enough to accept a cash settlement right away over fighting you in court for the next six years." Thank you, fellas. You guys will be remembered as the Lewis and Clark of Scumbag NBA Owners."
(Bill Simmons, Feb. 27, 2009, ESPN.com)

The Joss Whedon of months

"In my part of the world, February is a trickster. Think of it as the Joss Whedon of months. (Ignore the part in parentheses if that last sentence confused you.)"
(Feb. 5, 2008, Mockingbird's Nest)